At age of 17, after 5 years of ongoing struggle with masturbation, I learned that one can break a habit by abstaining from it for 40 days. I was finally successful at not masturbating for 40 days! And It felt so good! Only that on day 50 I had a wet dream which got me back to square one. And the disappointment thereof made things a lot worse. At this point I wasn't even exposed to pornography, and I knew almost nothing about sex. The masturbation struggle continued until I got married, feeling horrible... 

I was imagining that marriage will give me an outlet so I will no longer need to masturbate looking forward to a fresh start of being Kadosh. As you can imagine, not too long after getting married, it was all back. Now I also discovered that I can view stuff on my flip phones browser. Enter pornography.

From here on it only spiraled downwards. I eventually became involved in a bunch of other garbage, ruining my marriage (I didn't divorce though B"h) and my life. I was totally suicidal. Already at my high twenties I still haven't spoken to anyone about it!!! It was all kept inside of me, eating me up alive. 

Fast forward 5 years... Hashem has guided me out of this!!! I joined GYE today to learn more skills and to also help my fellow Yiden get closer to Kedusha.

Welcome Brother,
Great to hear that you were able to 'get out of it'!

What did you do that worked?

Kol tov

yup super curious...

Me as well!

For starters, I went for therapy for many years. Therapy was able to get me through the crisis and keep me afloat until I discover some Mashpia who I started listening to his Shiurim. It was only then that I actually start healing. What it taught me was, that instead of trying to get out of P&M because "I" didn't feel good or because "I wanted" to be a normal Mench, I wanted to get closer to Hashem!!! That changed everything! When a Yid cries out to his father in heaven that all he wants is to come closer, miracle's do happen! 

Maybe it's not so practical, but Iy"h I'll try to post more

Can I ask who the mashpia was? I would love to listen to someone who has that kind of power to bring people closer to Hashem.

I'm not comfortable publicizing it for various reasons- I'm sorry

Maybe you feel comfortable sending Bright that info via private message. If a Yid wants to come close to Hashem, can anyone stand in his way?

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 12 Sep 2024 22:07:

The only thing that I'll comment on is that a wet dream after 50 days is the furthest thing possible from getting back to square one. Its indicative of how far you are from square one. It's a sign that your sub-conscious mind knows that your conscious mid is winning the battle and its trying its hardest to get the fix that it craves.
(The truth is that even a full out fall with either porn, masturbation or both isn't back to square one - But a wet dream at day 50 is almost a good sign)

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 12 Sep 2024 22:57:

Can I ask if you can share a couple of the ideas that helped you? From my little experience, one right idea or 2 can really help a person change for the better. If your here to help, that definitely will. Looking forward!

Well I need one so glad to hear this

avikeristeer wrote on 18 Sep 2024 19:53:

Hey welcome!

You came to the right place. Miracles happen here pretty often. Takes a bit of blood sweat and tears for the miracles to kick in though.

Stick around.` Check out some of the resources such as: the F2F program, the excellent book "The Battle of the Generation", and Dov's 12 steps workshops. Links for those are in my signature.

The greatest resource GYE has is the chevra. Make some friends, acquire a mentor, perhaps join a Vaad (link in the signature) and let some connection break through the wall of shame.

Put in the work one day at a time, and G-d can work a miracle for you too.

Why don't you start by starting a thread and sharing a little about yourself and your struggle?

Hatzlacha!