Hello, 
I am starting this journey, and I was wondering if you all, what emotions were normal to feel at this point, when it is so easy to just walk away , yet knowing that it needs to be done?

Welcome!

Can you explain what you mean by "so easy to walk away"? I think it's totally normal to be nervous when you're opening up or finally dealing with a problem that you've been fighting secretly for a long time. 

Sounds like you are just hopping onto the GYE train so let me be first the first to welcome you aboard.

GYE is a community of friends dedicated to helping one another fight the good fight. Check out some of the excellent resources: The Flight to Freedom program to learn how to fight this struggle, the book "The Battle of the Generation" to reframe the struggle as an opportunity, Dov's 12 step workshops to learn about the 12 steps if that is what you need, and finally, the chevra here is the greatest asset. Links to all those are in my signature except the chevra - stick around, post, make friends, connect to one of the amazing mentors, and when you feel  comfortable pick up the phone and talk to a friend.

Good luck and keep on nervously trucking!

If P&M isn't having any noticable impact on your life and relationships it sometimes feels like making it a focus of your life is opeming a car of worms. Not to ignore it, but not to pick that area to spend mental energy on, esp if you think you may not be succesful

onajourney wrote on 12 Sep 2024 10:42:

Welcome my friend and thanks for your great post..
You may be right from a secular point of view. However, for us Jews, regardless to whether its noticeably effecting your day to day life or not, P&M are habits that are not permitted and must be stopped - the earlier the better. Period. And from a Torah perspective, קדושה is of utmost importance and should be a focus in your life, definitely for someone who's sill struggling. Perhaps once a person reaches sobriety its best to be מסיח דעת and focus on other things...
This is both good news and bad news. Bad news, because its difficult to eradicate these seemingly pleasurable habits. The good news is though: we wouldn't be expected to do something that's beyond our capability. So you may think you won't be succesful but that's not the case. Just try your best and Hashem will do the rest! הבא ליטהר מסייעין אותו. The first step is to believe in yourself! And, as so many here on GYE can attest, it's a journey that's well worth every effort and mental energy!

Wishing you much Hatzlacha!! And please keep us posted!
When you're ready then maybe consider sharing with us more about your struggles and experience.. It helps in so many ways and there are great people here on GYE that can be of tremendous support..

All the best,
UpAndDown

onajourney wrote on 12 Sep 2024 10:42:

Shalom Brother,

Interesting question! I think there are several facets to address and you might (probably will) get better feedback if you are feeling up to sharing a little more about your background and where you are currently holding in life and with this challenge.

The generic answers:
Is the impact really not noticeable, or you just haven't experienced it yet? (From a religious standpoint, all averios have an impact on our neshama, aside from any more perceptible affects to our physical and mental being).

Focusing on stopping a negative behavior is a balance. It needs attention, but it's not good to let it consume your thoughts and life. There are times when deep and concentrated analysis is necessary, and then you need to live life. Try to make your focus on the positive--I realize that you will have a hard time doing this until you recognize the benefit to your life by stopping p&m, so that will hopefully come in time. 

If one has a mild infection but it's really not bad, placing a bandage over it and not opening the 'can of worms' isn't going to work. The infection will worsen until the can burst open and makes a huge mess of rotting worms. The deep clean is hard and painful, but necessary to purge the infection and make it possible to fully heal.

What you need to spend time working on is up to you. There are only 24hrs in a day, and (essentially) no one can work on everything - certainly not all at once. As far as success is concerned, you CAN make progress if you try. You'll have a hard time doing that though if you don't believe you can succeed at improving. It's not beneficial to see it as all or nothing. Goals are motivators but the real success is in the growth. If you can't imagine stopping forever right now, that's ok, work on stopping just for today. Change one day.

If you are not comfortable sharing more about yourself on the forum yet, perhaps consider reaching out to HHM (michelgelner@gmail.com) for some reflections on why this is a worthy endeavor, and how you specifically can approach it.

Hatzlacha