So, today will be 20, BH! So why is this 20 different than any time before? I've done from Pesach to Shavous before (49 days) I've done a couple Elul's.  

This time is so so different. 
- I am working with a mentor (HHM)
- In the past it was with zero education and understanding what the real battle was.
- In the past, I would lust, fantasize, and satisfy myself, as long as i didnt actually watch or m*******e. 
- In the past, I didn't focus on Shemiras Einayim.

Now, with the right education, with a real determination, and a tzaddik of a mentor, I feel I am making real change, and for the right reasons.

I look forward to a real cleansing this YK. And to not spending an entire YK focused on this, rather on focusing on my entire self, not just one small part of me. And of course, thanking Hashem for this matannah!

May HKBH answer all your tefillos ltovah!

Gmar Chasimah Tovah!

Heated debate at the Sukkah table! I stated that our generation is the greatest generation. No generation has been tested as strong as ours. We live in a generation where every thing you can think of plus, available in our pockets. The pretzuis one sees in one day today, was more than you could see your whole life in the shtetl back in the day. My wife agreed with me (And no, she has no idea about my struggle)
My shvigger disagreed. She attempted to argue that they had the Haskallah movement back than.
Sorry charlie, the Haskallah doesnt compare to the smartphone and all the 'knowledge, shmutz, ect' it contains, in any which way. 
For obvious reasons I couldn't,  but I wanted to tell her to look at GYE. See the warriors of our generations! The nisyanos, and the fights we are putting up to win over The Greatest Battle! May Hashem continue to give us the kochas we need to win!

A Gut Moed!

eiyantov wrote on 20 Oct 2024 21:45:

I'm gonna go with your mother in law on this one. Bechira is necessarily an exact balance (at least according to Rav Dessler). That means anyone being bocher b'tov is making a decision exactly as hard as anyone else, in any generation, being bocher b'tov. So if I'm bocher to not watch porn, and some bochur in the time of the beis hamikdash was bocher to not bow to ba'al, we made the same effort as someone who chose not to leave Volozhin and become a communist. 

Obviously we're not operating on the same plane of existence as the people in the time of the beis hamikdash. But it's the same effort.

I don't think you understand the pull of haskalah, because it's not something our generation has a pull for. We go off the D to watch movies on shabbos and smoke pot, not to passionately battle for the common man. But it's the same fight no matter what or where you are fighting. 

Reasonable minds may differ.

We definitely can agree to disagree. (Love that line)

I will argue though, having the greatedt challenges available 24 hrs in your pocket simpky can't compare. I cant argue on R Dessler, but I could agree with the manybTalmidei Chachomim who have said our generations challenges are greater and harder than ever before.

R Chaim Epstein Ztl, before his petirah, stated, "if a bochur walks by, you should stand and give kavod. It's an incredible challenge to be Ben Torah today, and they deserve tremendous Kavod." 

Day 30!!!!
Can't believe it was 30 days ago that I did something life-changing.
I picked up the phone and called HHM from a blocked number,  hoping he wouldn't answer the phone.
Happy he did!!!
30 days later, I've haven't mas******ed for 30 days, haven't followed lustful thoughts for 30 days, haven't watched p**n for 30 days, haven't used social media for 30 days (big trigger by me). Haven't physically stimulated for 30 days. 
The best 30 days in the last 19 years since this all started!

Thank you so much GYE!
Thank you so much HHM!
Thank you so much each of you for being here and giving me the chizzuk I ddesperately needed.

Lchaim on the past 30!
Lchaim to the next 30!

A Gut Moed!

Someone say 60? Ya yup!

BH we are at 60 days clean! 

Found this quote from the Lubavitcher Rebbe:"The number 60 represents the power of transformation. A rule-of-thumb in Torah law is the ‘nullified by sixty’ principle. For example, if a drop of milk accidentally falls into a pot of meaty food, the undesirable element is ‘nullified’ if the desirable element is sixty times greater than it."

While I'm not so active here recently, i still read the forum from time to time and appreciate the chizuk!

Thank you all!

Welcooooommmmmeeee Backkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mazalllllllllllllllllll Tovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's an honor to have you finally back here. looking forward to seeing a lot more posts from you, but most of all, a lot more wins.

Keep it up and keep us posted.
With love your brother and partner Akiva (who's just 7 days ahead of you)

eiyantov wrote on 21 Nov 2024 04:13:


Kiddush and multiple lchaims all round this shabbos. 
What an amazing achievement. 

90 days!!!!!

Not sure how, but somehow we are here. Special shoutout to HHM

Lchaim!

Lchaim and Gut Yom Tov!

yesoidshebiyisoid wrote on 20 Dec 2024 19:12:

I'm in for the Lchaim. Always

eiyantov wrote on 20 Dec 2024 13:21:


Buddy, as someone who has succeeded along the 90 day journey, I think you have an achrayus to share with the oilam what worked for you. 

Ok Challenge accepted. How did I do it?

I listened to Meaningful Minute's podcast with the founders of GYE. I had opened an account a year beforehand but never used it. After listening to the podcast I decided to write my first post. I felt good and lasted two weeks, rummaging around on GYE. Than Motzei Shabbos hit, 2 weeks in, and I couldn't hold back. I had access to an unfiltered laptop. Not only did I watch porn that night, I signed up to one of these chat websites, and I literally felt if I could I would take it to the finish line. I felt so sick with myself. I reach out to someone who advises on the 12 step program and we spoke about whether I'm an addict. I thought yes, he felt probably not. He suggested to call HHM. I did. HHM gave me his time and more. Answered my calls at all hours of day/night, and even came to visit me. Knowing that I needed to answer to him every night is really what kept me from failing. He really cares, made himself a friend and mentor, and especially coming to visit me made an impression. I felt that I couldn't let him down. There were times that were really difficult. There were days that I was under extreme stress, due to circumstances in my life. I really wanted to masturbate or watch, just once, but I held back. And the few times I really reached the edge and almost "pulled the plug" I called HHM and he gave me chizuk to keep on chugging. So that is how I did it, and with the help of Hashem and through His tzaddik of a shliach HHM I will Bezras Hashem continue to do it! Continue to grow. There is still work to be done. "Hayom Lasoisam, U'lmachor L'kabel Zcharom"

As an aside, I also made sure every device in my home is filtered, and smashed and threw out and old phone sitting around. 

In regards to ttrigges (aka women) Ive learned to fixate my eyes on something else when walking by [without looking like a total fool]. Obviously coworkers are harder. I still struggle there much more, but it works to constantly remind yourself that they are human beings who have feelings, and they would be truly disgusted - (shocking) - if they knew you were thinking of them sexually.

Rabbosai, There is hope! Never ever give up!