Hi,

I've been a member for over 2 months and had mostly clean days. today was terrible. almost an hour watching porn. the problem is mostly when everyone leaves my office around 5 and I'm left by myself, the urge kicks in. i usually leave earlier but sometimes i find myself alone in the office and the urge and adrenaline rush in like wildfire so hard to resist. any suggestions?

So sorry to hear that. I know the feeling...
I have found something that works for me is getting my mind distracted with other things. The SOS tool has some games and motivational banners that can get my mind to focus on that - which lessons the urge and gives time for a victory.
Or writing on the forum when you are struggling with an urge can help.

Oish! I feel your pain, brother!

I want to welcome you to the GYE family.
Here you will find understanding, warmth, and real concern.
Here you will find the tools to fight this beast.
Some of them are the F2F program and the book The Battle of the Generation.
In my experience, one of the most powerful tools available here is the power of a real friend and mentor. I have made some very powerful and close friends through this site that have been helpful to the point that I don't think that I'd be where I am today without them. It may take some time to be comfortable enough to do this, but read around, find a thread or two that resonate, and try to connect with them.


I beg you to take my words to heart. 
Think about them. Contemplate how badly you want to change, and if you're really willing to do whatever it takes. 
If the answer is yes, reach out! You will find care and understanding! We have all been there before, to hell and back.

If you're ready, I'd recommend first reaching out to HHM - Hashem Help Me - the mentor-in-chief of the site. He has helped hundreds, present company included. He is reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.

If not, that's fine. Take your time, and when you are ready, we are here waiting with open arms and hearts!

vwgye52024 wrote on 07 Aug 2024 23:21:

SOOO relate!
It took me a long while for me to realize that I was triggered by loneliness, when no-one else was around
Recognizing and acknowledging that is a grate first step
The  i could work on accepting the uncomfortableness or try to combat it by connecting to others
Hatzlacha!

Thank you for the response! Much appreciated what’s your contact?

vwgye52024 wrote on 07 Aug 2024 23:21:

Definitely relate to this scenario. I had a few month period awhile back where I would stick around in the office after work since I had to go to an appointment in the area an hour or two after work ended. Officially I had stuff to do then, but it was a pretty kavua porn session for awhile. 
I don't have many eitzos since I struggle with this too still to some extent. But I can share what I've tried doing.
1) Just leave when you get an urge. You know you're not getting more work done if you're acting out so you might as well just leave. (What has occasionally helped me actually leave then is to tell my wife I'm leaving.)
2) Filter the office computer. Not foolproof but helpful.
3) Accountability partner - you text when you realize you are alone in the office and text again when you left.

Hatzlacha and keep on trucking!

Here's some Chizuk for you:

Chazak Chazak V'Nischazek

proudyungerman wrote on 07 Aug 2024 23:49:

Ditto
My friend, there is hope. You CAN change! You can leave all of the garbage behind! Like PY said, we have all been there, and BH many of us have successfully left all that behind. And you can too! Reach out to PY for a tutorial He's a really great guy who can make a difference in your life
Until you feel ready to connect, can you focus on leaving the office earlier? Is your computer filtered, including blocking loopholes? When you are alone, is it possible to follow Yosef HaTzaddik's example-run outside?
My friend, feel free to reach out/ My email is in my signature

Thank you so much for you response

Thank you

First of all, the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up. Now that the yetzer hara has gotten you to fall, he wants you to stay down and fall again by telling you how bad you are. That wasn't you, that was your yetzer hara. You are a neshama that wants to connect to Hashem but you're just looking for it in the wrong places. Realize that this is just a test for you to grow, and from this challenge you will be motivated to reach an even higher high than before.

With that perspective, I've been in your shoes. Head rush, heart races, everything else stops until you get your fix. The thing is, with your brain wired that strongly for P and M, you have no chance to stop yourself once you go down that path. It's like being in yichood with a woman. There's a reason why it's usser... and nowadays, being alone with a computer or phone is basically being in private with a woman. First, you have to set up guardrails for yourself.

If your problem is after people leave the office, you need to set yourself up in a way where you won't be in that position. maybe it's coming in earlier and leaving earlier. maybe it's making a rule not to leave the common area where someone could walk in and catch you. Maybe it's installing a filter if you haven't already, etc. 

Now, despite the guardrails, you'll still likely have urges. I recommend implementing a pivot plan. The pivot plan kicks in the moment you feel even the slightest thought of an urge. I used to sit there and think "nah, I need to work, I can overcome this" but the urge just got stronger and stronger until I fell. I learned that I have to immediately get up and move when that happens. Now, the moment I have any thought at all, I get up, and leave my desk, and go for a quick walk. I try to call at least 3 people until i get a pickup to have a conversation with a friend, and then I journal about the urge before going back to work. This usually helps me reconnect with others and Hashem. This craving really just. comes from a lack of connection, and instead of filling it with P which makes me feel even worse after, I try to fill it with real connection. 

I hope this helps. May Hashem help you continue fighting and growing every day!