Amen v’amen!

So.... figured I'd post something I'm feeling today.



I have a challenge going on in my life right now - unrelated to kedusha. A heavy, difficult, paralyzing challenge. The type that, 8 months ago, I would've run to my pacifier for a soothing numbing sensation. Happy that I'm not looking there (thought part of me wishes I can disappear - not sure to what though). Can't say I'm feeling the happiness though. P&M is just not an option. 



Not feeling like my regular upbeat self.



Not really sure what I'm looking to accomplish with this post - and frankly feel a little funny posting something that doesn't really express any substance - I'm just feeling down and a bit mushkababelt and want to share that with my brothers here that are always ready to listen to all rants and unloading....... 



Here's hoping I have a brighter day tomorrow...



Love you all,

Muttel

I'm sorry, dear Reb Muttel,

Sending Brotherly love and a virtual hug. Hope the coming days are more peaceful for you.

Dear Muttel, 

After reflection, I’m responding to your post here publicly, and not in a private conversation (which I will imyH try to have, as well).  

First of all, here’s a hug. 
But now I want to share this. As you and some others know, I too have been going through some crazy difficulties these past 6 months or so, and recently a new set of troubles began. 

I do not profess to know or understand the ways of Hashem. But I know a few things, deep in my essence. 

I know that I have become a changed man through my work here at GYE. I know that the RBSHO tests men, at times, and my mettle has been, and is being sorely tested. Yet, if the purpose of life is לעבוד ולעמול ולעמוד בנסיון then there is meaning therein, and the tools that we have developed in our struggles thus far are being put to good use. Perhaps I am being given opportunity to take it, and myself further… I’ll try to do His Ratzon , best as I can. 

Oy, Bashefer, I beg you: no more! Please! 
But until that time I will do my damndest to hold up. And to hold on. You brought me this far, and I know you won’t let me, or my close friend Muttel down. And I won’t let my Neshama down, either. 

With eyes brimming with tears, Shomrim Laboker, I look towards Light and Life, 
and wish the same for you, yedidi, 

chaimoigen

chaimoigen wrote on 18 Dec 2024 22:52:

And if I may be so bold as to add, that all those people who you ( I'm talking to you too, CO) exist for them as a support through their rough times, holding them up when they feel like collapsing ( speaking from personal experience) - well, lemme just throw out there that we're here for you too.
Whether or not you have the strength to talk to us. 
Praying for Y'all brotha

redfaced wrote on 19 Dec 2024 00:30:

Please take red's words to heart, both of you - Muttel and CO.
We are here and we care, deeply.
We may not be able to help, but we are here for you.

Thank you all for your responses, public and private (yes I did speak to CO privately).

It is a tremendous chizuk, even when I wasn’t up to reaching out…..

Hoping to see the light upon the horizon,
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 19 Dec 2024 02:30:

You missed the boat - there aint no light at the horizon. What you're seeing is the headlights of an oncoming train

Happy to report that although some challenges remain, the cloud has lifted. Some challenges have been solved, and I hope the One who solved them will solve the remainder of them.

I hope I can take lessons from this: היד ה' תקצור??? (among many other lessons...)

The support I've received from so many of you has been so heartwarming....  

We should all be זוכה to have מנוחת הנפש and be able to serve Hashem with joy!

With overflowing brotherly love,
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 19 Dec 2024 17:43:

Hieliger Rabbi Muttela,

I am glad that things are BH looking up for you. I wish you that everything in your life should go smoothly. 

I have seen as well that our struggles in this area have given us strength to become better people and better yiden in other areas. 

Remember, Hashem tests those that He loves! This is not some random bumper sticker, its Posek in the Torah 'כי את אשר יאהב  ה יוכיח'
I know its tough and hard to feel the love sometimes. Life is a struggle but with complete faith in Hashems love it gets easier. 
I have been listening to Rabbi Shimon Spitzer's Shiurim on Bitochen, my whole outlook on life changed! And im only up to Shiur 76 out of 250+. 

Stay strong, stay sane, stay Holy!