Hi there,
It's my first time posting. I don't know what to do. I've been struggling with porn for about 20 years, although even before I started I had problems with masturbation. I've been to lots of therapy. It helped somewhat, but not for these problems. When I get an urge, I have such a hard time dealing with it. There have been times when I thought I had it licked. I was dry for a few months. But then I just fail again.
I suppose I should go to a 12 step program, but I don't want my wife to find out.

So don't tell her

If I don't tell my wife, how would I explain what I'm doing at the meetings and talking a a sponsor?

s613 wrote on 05 Nov 2023 12:13:

I have met several guys in SA that have never told their spouse 

s613 wrote on 05 Nov 2023 12:13:

How about this “If I don't tell my wife, how would I explain what I'm doing at the sex chat zoom meetings and talking to highly inappropriate sponsors…?”

This doesn’t bother us, but SA meeting does.
Why do you think that’s so?

Dear s613,

It pains me to read how lost and frustrated you feel. The pain of this struggle is tremendous. 

But have no fear, there's always hope, as you have proven by being a few months clean.

Falling is part of the growing process. Its very painful to fall after months of being clean, but we can use this as another step in our growing process. Hashem causes pain not stress/frustration - human beings cause stress/frustration by not handling the pain in the correct way.

Keep on posting and engaging with all the wonderful people here,
Feel free to check out the BB forum.

s613 wrote on 05 Nov 2023 12:13:

The uncertainty is very frustrating and really painful, I feel for you my friend.
Does your wife follow you 24/7?
And if she will find out about it, isn't it better of her catching you red handed?
If there's a will there's a way. Wishing you much hatzlacha in taking the right steps for recovery.

All the best.
True self