Still compulsively sitting in front of the computer all the time...b''h not doing anything stimulating enough to keep me up super late, not that I did anything recently to earn that (besides hiding the chess app, which so far has sufficed to keep me away from it.)  Also I've been a bit sick so it's easier to decide I'm tired and go to sleep...

I'm something like six years clean of M now and a bit more than that of P...b''h. my young adulthood was hell...

(should I share prior usernames?  I discovered I remember them but I don't know if I want to look back at them.  I definitely don't remember the passwords or the passwords of the associated emails)

OK, to be fair he gave it a month or two's nisuy, but he's back saying he doesn't want to have to deal with a filter...gonna try to check the details of GenTech to make sure it'll work...for some reason I'm balking at the price, even though it's basically the same as Techloq, just for longer periods.

I got a different answer this time from GenTech support; they basically say it will be the same situation as now with TechLoq in terms of the things that bother him.

He says he'll probably just buy a personal device...I didn't suggest it to him because in my mind it's not a good idea...

truthaintflashy wrote on 18 Jun 2024 18:52:

It's probably not. But your life comes first. Kol hakovod to him for giving the filter a shot at least.

What about monitoring software (covenant eyes/truple) on the computer instead of a traditional filter? If you have someone who could be a good monitor (plenty of amazing volunteers on here) then it'll help for your purposes, but should be much less in his way.

How's it going, buddy?

b''h finding things to do other than sit and stare at the screen...impulsively trying to access sites not worth my time has reduced.  I'm reading BotG bit by bit, along with a book on Sefaria, as well as finding time for my (artscroll) gemara.

Inertia seems to have won the battle for the other guy...he didn't get a personal device.  He seems to fill a lot of his time now watching videos on chabad.org.

Must go; have a good shabbos all

Saying hi

It's been a good couple weeks life-wise; I made some significant headway in something I'd been afraid of and putting off.  In terms of kedusha for some reason I'm having a lot of vulgar thoughts.  Mostly just words, less images, b''h as that's not always the case...when there's images I try not to blink and to find something in the surroundings to notice xD (this works in the house, not so much in the city.) the words I just ignore.

It took a few months, but I'm realizing the Techloq filter is a life-saver for me, though I'm missing the words right now to explain its impact.

Despite it being a good couple weeks, this week has been a major energetic "low"...I come home from work exhausted, and the times that I sit at the computer I mindlessly check and re-check the four content-rich websites I still allow to myself.  But compared to "lows" three or four months ago I'm much happier with accomplishments, how I use my time, and that I don't end up staying up late.

I have an idea why the "low" came and it may well continue and get tougher, whether in terms of kedusha or other terms..can't really say more without exposing my identity.  If relevant I'll post here.

Have a Shabbat Shalom!

bs''d

Just saying hi.  Alone in the house, which happens only rarely, giving too much thought to food.  Somehow I don't have a weight problem though.  Ate a bunch of grapes earlier.  Tahini paste with a tiny bit of water and a tiny bit of honey.  Sauteed an onion and scrambled eggs with it.  Gonna have a cup of tea.  You get the picture...at least I stopped buying chocolate bars a while ago, especially with the whole heavy-metal-in-cacao scare.

Maybe I'm exaggerating for effect, but boy, I think about food a lot when nobody's distracting me.

Kol tuv

bs''d

b''h good stuff in the works

Someone posted a while ago that some mentor/rav said to someone who was struggling with machshavot zarot ("strange/foreign thoughts") that "the thoughts aren't strange/foreign, you are"....

Anyhow I wanted to put a positive spin on it, since it's hard for me to stomach that a talmid chacham would call a jew's essence bad...So here's the vort --
This world, is a place full of animality and nonsense.  Jews come from a higher, purer place.  Inappropriate thoughts aren't foreign here -- they're exactly what's natural and expected down here.  We are the foreigners, wanting to connect to G-d against it all...

Have at..

In TBOTG in several places shmuzes from theshmuz.com are referenced.  It seems like a lot of them are missing on the site, at least when I choose "The Shmuz" --> "By Number" (e.g. in chapter 45: Shmuz 39: “I Need Needs”  isn't there)

There's no search function either. How do I find these shmuzes? 

truthaintflashy wrote on 09 Sep 2024 15:32:

Maybe email the author of the book? Seems like he's a talmid...

proudyungerman wrote on 09 Sep 2024 18:53:

Hillel S.

Not seeing an email address anywhere.  Did some Googling and couldn't find a website or anything.

It's hidden on page 15
TheBattleOfTheGeneration@gmail.com

You could also email The Shmuz
office@theshmuz.com

Hatzlacha!

I made a topic and now my sense of shame is stopping me from reading the replies

You know filter-poking?  Well I've been doing some conscience-poking...managed to refute all the "loopholes" to fantasy but got kinda worked up today and yesterday.  b''h I'm in the habit of letting it pass without doing anything, but the inner garments of my soul are a mess, and I did less of the positive things I like to do, maybe because of this.

There's a facet to this that I'm uncomfortable sharing...I have a BT problem and a just-plain-crazy-human problem, that it's easy to blame for my being single at my age (which is late for the observant, about on-par for everyone else).

Oh, thanks for the negative karma, keep it coming

60th post -- ben shishim lezikna -- maybe I should draw a beard on the cat