bs''d

Shalom to all

I was on this website years ago when I was still struggling with P&M in a bigger way...b''h I haven't had a conscious fall in quite a while [~4-5 years, lost track] by the standard of the wall back then.  But I still have some addictive patterns.  I play games online, I compulsively read social media [without naming the site] that puts inappropriate content in close reach even if I haven't reached for it.  Plus often enough without seeking it I see things I shouldn't be seeing.  What doesn't help is that I live right now in a context where the computer I use isn't mine to get rid of, put filters on, etc.  Really I should find a way to move out of this place (based on what I've heard that living with such a device is yehareg v'al yaavor).  Meanwhile I've tried several times to stop doing the things I feel guilty about doing and haven't managed to stop, so here I am again.  With P&M I had to fall and get back up quite a few times, so it's not like I'm surprised.

Anyhow the Flight to Freedom thing is new so I'm going through that.  The simple advice at the beginning, that it makes sense to be angry when something's compelling me into places I don't want to go, strikes a chord. 

Wishing joy and great success to everyone in their journey.

Welcome back!
​This scenario is not new, Yitzro shel adam mischadeshes alav bechol yom,  The yetzer hara is always looking few new and creative ways to get us back into his net, he never gives up even after many years clean, Though I understand the frustration and it's possibly very painful, but please know that this doesn't mean that you are back to where you were 4-5 years ago, but you gotta take action.

Wishing you much hatzlacha in taking the right decisions and to have the courage to do what's right.

Welcome back!
Wishing you much hatzlacha

Hey,

Very impressed your not resting on your laurels and working on taking this to the next level. Hatzlacha!

Tov, I guess time to report.  I had a good week after someone helped me schedule things to fill my time...then a pretty bad week when I didn't repeat the process.  There's one particular thing I keep filling my time with that I classified from the start as a "fall" but seem to not be fully convinced doesn't serve me.  It's a webcomic.  Laughter is good, right?  But it's really not kosher content and treats all kinds of themes I don't need in my mind rent-free.

The other thing I've noticed is the "spell" of YouTube...even if I just put on music, even if it's good music from datiim, it doesn't just serve as a pleasant background...I end up sitting in front of the computer, basking in the glow of the pixels, not doing the stuff I hoped to do.

I'm not sure how much to expect from myself, or whether there even is a "right amount" of computer use.  I don't like the effect it has on me.  But it's not like I'll have the support of GYE if I drop internet entirely.

What am I missing?

idunno, just venting

Hi! First off, pat yourself on the back! You are doing wonderfully, many, many people wish they could say they act like you do. Second, Happens to be that there are guys that no longer visit this site but keep in touch with friends they made here. Not saying that is what you have to do, just mentioning. It seems like you know of a plan of action that helps you do what's right. Maybe get your friend to be your accountability partener in a way that will push you to stick to your plan. Please keep us posted!

OK, once a week seems good for updates.  This week has been pretty good, after I clarified to myself (here, by posting) that the webcomic wasn't doing me any favors and that youtube isn't worth it just for the music.  (I love music.  Need to find some sort of alternative e.g. get some songs on my mp3 player, which right now just has shiurim)

I've even had the willpower to do some hitbodedut in the last few days, which is a huge step up for me.  (Not for an hour, mind you, but 15-30 minutes a day.)

The other thing I decided to take more seriously was the issue I've heard multiple times of not being in "yichud" with the computer.  So if I'm up later than others I'll turn off the computer.  Seems to help, and I know when I'm tired I'm vulnerable.

Wishing everyone success as always

truthaintflashy wrote on 09 Nov 2023 16:02:

Impressive. Lots of wise responsible choices. Besides for the obvious gains in shmiras einayim, these changes will iyh cause a higher level of general menuchas hanefesh. Hatzlocha.

Wow!  This week went by fast!  Let's see...

It's funny, the week before I felt like I had all the time in the world after reducing my internet usage, and this week that definitely didn't happen.  b''h G-d kept me busy.

I'm still drawn to the computer, and yesterday found myself reading through all the different categories of the news on Google News (of which there are many)...that would feel like a real sacrifice to let go of, even though everyone around me tells me not to read the news, generally and in particular now with the war.

On the advice of Yossele the AI I've filled a half hour on multiple occasions making omelettes.

Yeah not much to say.  These boundaries [no yichud, no comics, no youtube, no adjacent-to-obviously-bad stuff] seem to be good for now and worth ingraining.  I'd like to reduce the time staring blankly into the screen's glow, too, and replace it with staring blankly at the wall, which seems to lead to more positive outcomes, at some point.

Kol tuv and have a shabbat shalom

Wow!  This week went slow!  I still keep reading a lot of news but there's only so much to read...b''h have so much more time to talk with the people I live with, have pretty solidly kept up 30 minutes of prayer (Rav Shalom Arush style -- thanking G-d for all my challenges in tikkun habrit and the help He gave me with them, leading up to the stuff I still haven't dealt with, e.g. in particular getting married, for 30 minutes), have gone to sleep at reasonable hours, even on Thursday which was a challenge day for me

Not sure what else to say so I'll just leave it at that and get off the screen   Have a Shabbat Shalom all

Hello and shavua tov

Not sure what to say about this week, b''h.  I'm in about the same place.  Need to get in control of the binge news-reading.  I've been sticking to my current standards for about a month...maybe at 40 days I'll try to step it up.

Kol tuv and hatzlacha to everyone

truthaintflashy wrote on 02 Dec 2023 16:32:

Saying that you are in about the same place, sounds like you are doing a great job so kol hakavod and keep it up! Since human being's are always moving upwards or the opposite chalila what do you think you were this week?

truthaintflashy wrote on 02 Dec 2023 16:32:

News sounds clean, but it is anything but. And if you mean the Jewish news sites, how much can you binge there? BTW, you can set your filter to block news sites

eerie wrote on 03 Dec 2023 21:37:

Yeah, I needed to hear this.  I know people who don't read the news in any form, and somehow they're still alive!  Maybe it's time.

I read this post on the "posture of pornography" which raises the bar even a bit more.  Makes a lot of sense, though.