eerie wrote on 18 Sep 2024 06:15:

Eerie I think you know that the line I highlighted is not really true. Sounds nice and inspirational and all, but that doesn't make it true.

People fight and lose. People die on the battlefield all the time. Our actions have consequences. Bechira is the most powerful tool mankind possesses and when used for evil it leaves scars. 

What you perhaps meant to say was that we cannot comprehend Hashem's calculus of the deeds of man, which takes into account actions, thoughts, capabilities, abilities, situation, what was given to him, the overall relationship with hashem and a million other details that make up the comprehensive state of a person's avodas Hashem. And that someone who does a lot of aveiros can be closer to Hashem than someone who does more mitzvos. And that striving to come close to Hashem is a beautiful thing even if it feels like you're failing.

But you don't get extra credit for fighting stupidly. Imagine a soldier who comes back from a battle bloody and broken. He comes to the king and asks for a Purple Heart, a Medal of Honor with the Tiffany Cross etc. The king asked him how he got so injured, and the soldier proudly boasts that he charged enemy lines with just a knife and killed 3 enemy soldiers before being taken captive and tortured for years. And though he was tortured brutally, he never gave up hoping and eventually escaped. 

The king smacks the soldier in the face and orders him arrested for treason. "You idiot," he shouts at the soldier, "You're a fighter pilot. Why did you do something so idiotic like attacking an army with a knife." 

Fighting stupidly is not valor. Fighting a harder fight than you need to does not earn you schar nor does it bring you closer to Hashem. There are people who think they are fighting when all they are doing is bashing their brains out by banging their head over and over against the wall.

Obviously, it's very difficult to know and be self-honest about how much of the fight is a self-imposed hardship. But someone who's been struggling for years might be a precious HEROtm who is doing the best they can in a very difficult nisayon. And his 100% effort is all the more precious for being put in such dark places. But he also might be an idiot who has refused G-d's helping hand and directions out of the maze over and over again. 

Something that's been a lifelong issue for me is using bitachon to justify atzlus.

Stop using bitachon as an excuse.

Shem, let me explain something simple to you. I try to post only things that will help people in their battle. I'm not here to philosophize, ponder, quote Rav Dessler or any of the like. The general idea of my posting is write what I think the person might find helpful to continue fighting this battle.
 I ask one simple question. Which will be helpful for him, the idea that he's a hero for still being in the game, or my dissecting the hashkafa etc. I think you know the answer. 

Rabbi Shem,

You are indeed correct (in my opinion, at least).

However, most people don't fight stupidly consciously (at least from their vantage point). Any stupidity that they are incorporating in their mode of struggle, fight etc. is one that they're not aware is stupid, or, alternatively, perhaps aware but not in a place to take THAT step yet. The same as the bechira of the struggle itself, no? Essentially noone will argue that each single instance of _______ (insert whatever my particular drug-lust of choice is at any particular opportunity here), is not within my bechira to overcome, yet we operate with some sort of cognizance that the struggle in its entirety and generality is difficult/impossible to overcome - PRECISELY due the difficulties inherent in not fighting stupidly, no?

Perhaps I'm not being clear - but one man's half-pence....

When a guy cries out in pain from an injury, he's laying doubled over in pain, that's not the time for constructive criticism of any sort. What he needs is a caring EMT. In an appropriate conversation, a person can be made aware of the things he can change to fight smarter, even while being super positive and encouraging

When a guy cries out in pain from an injury, he's laying doubled over in pain, that's not the time for constructive criticism of any sort. What he needs is a caring EMT. In an appropriate conversation, a person can be made aware of the things he can change to fight smarter, even while being super positive and encouraging

So he should tell him what a terrible driver he is while he's tending to his life threatening wound?

I was traveling the last couple of days, so I had some time to think while cruising along some long stretches of endless expressways, will share some anecdotes supporting the chizuk approach that Eerie wrote.

There is a story told about the Bardichiver Ruv Zt"l, once he was very late to davening the crowd was waiting and waiting, finally he entered, and confided to his talmidim the reason for delay, he explained every time he comes into shul he finds a reason why he is the lowliest person among the congregation, and he generally finds many of his own flaws that prove his inadequacy, however this week the town boor showed up who was known for his many aveirus and he could not find himself more lowly then this fellow, hence the wait, till it occurred to him, that had he been in this yid's situation no way would he have the capacity to show up to shul...  So that's for the chashivus of showing up.

Many years ago I wrote this on this site and I copy paste,
"R' Yeshua Geltzeler shlit"a writes a letter to his father in law Rav Desler zt"l, some memories of the time he spent Rosh Hshana with R' Shrage Feivel Mendlowitz zt"l,. (It was after the passing of R' shraga feivel, and they are from the rosh hashanah of that year, (a mere three months prior)).

R' Shraga Feivel turned to R' yeshua before tekias shofer and asked how do you explain what we say by שופרות,כי אתה שומע וגו' ומאזין תרועה ואין דומה לך why does he finish ואין דומה לך ?

R' Shraga Feivel answered, there is nobody else that understands the broken heart of a yid, nobody really could judge a yid because he doesn't know his struggles, however the eibeshter knows our struggles, that is why he listens to us. ואין דומה לך

R' shraga feivel clicked his fingers, and finished of these words with a stifled cry, and quipped "this is our only yeshua to go to the yom hadin", and with that he turned to blow shofer".

And to the point of bitochon on aveirus, this is a dangerous subject if not understood correctly, but it pays to note a powerful hashakfik piece about this, in the sefer "Imrei Noem" where he asks how were the shevatim judged on mechiras yosef if hkb"h was part of the plot, so obviously there is such a concept of bashert, and he explains that this is what Rachel meant when she said אסף אלקים את חרפתי, she meant averirus in general, because hkb"h is always in on the plot. It's a vort to see it on your own, and I won't pretend to do justice quoting it.

The above thoughts are to point out that these chizuk words used here aren't to be flippantly thrown away, it goes without sayin that they shouldn't be abused either by the recipient, however there is a time and place for this kind of EMT service as well.
Sorry Reb C"O for hijacking your thread, with this I rest my case.

eerie wrote on 18 Sep 2024 17:37:

So this is the basic image I have in my head. A gentleman is in a violent car accident and EMT Eerie is the first responder.  As he is is applying the tourniquet to the said gentleman's severed leg this is what he's saying.

Nah, you're really not such a terrible driver. A stop sign ? Here?  NOOOOO- It wasn't really a stop sign, it just looked like one. No of course you're not bleeding to death from blood loss  Ech, its just a small cut. You're a terrific driver Okay, so you got into a minor crash- Its perfectly normal EVERYONE does that all the time Not a big deal.

redfaced wrote on 20 Sep 2024 02:30:

My dearest friend Red, I warned you I told you how to write it, you didn't listen, so here goes
Our friend the skier has said it best. No, we don't lie and tell the guy it wasn't really a stop sign. We don't talk about the stop sign at all! Now, while your humor is very appreciated, and you have made me laugh probably more than any other person in my life, I consider you a real friend, with a deep lasting connection, I know how much you mean to me, I have to call you out here. Because it's miscontuing the point and may possibly take away from the chizuk a person gets
I hope you never have to respond to a crash, but if that ever happens I surely hope you won't be giving him driving lessons and explaining to him how much more careful he could have been and how the whole accident was avoidable etc. even if it's the truth!
When a guy is bleeding, you sooth him, cradle him, hug him, find positive things to say. When a guy cries about any pain in his life, especially a pain that's been going on for years, and he cries עד מתי!!! That's not the time for speeches and lessons in safe driving (or how to talk to his spouse, or how he could have avoided the whole issue if only he would have traveled down Red Road, etc) It's the time to find the positive, to tell him how much you care, how you understand him, etc.
Red, I know you didn't mean it, you were just doing you, trying to share the joke. And you know how hard I laughed. I just have to do me, and share the chizuk.