I have an old IPhone of my wife's lying around, she had password protected it on my request but I recently figured it out. what do i do now? I have watched several times in the past few days and I feel horrible about it. If I ask her to change the password she will figure out what has been going on. HELP!!!!

tryingtoshteig1926 wrote on 18 Apr 2023 17:15:

Ask the tzitzis dude guy 

A similar thing happened to me once.
I made up an excuse of how I think I may know the password, and therfore it should be changed.
But if it is old and not in constant use, then maybe it would be better to get rid of it completely. Maybe make up an excuse like clearing out junk from the house or something like that.

A similar thing happened to me once.
I made up an excuse of how I think I may know the password, and therefore it should be changed.
But if it is old and not in constant use, then maybe it would be better to get rid of it completely. Maybe make up an excuse like clearing out junk from the house or something like that.

If it's not in use anymore brake it and let it lie around, and wait for your wife to come to tell you that something happened to the phone, and you should be like "Oh interesting, what could have happened to the phone??"  but not make a big matzev and say Big deal it was anyways not in use anymore

You can always say “I’m trying to cut back on my screen time it’s becoming a time waster, can you change the password on the phone to one I don’t know so I’m not tempted to use it?” 

don’t mention porn or anything of the sort.side benefit,  She’ll respect you for trying to get control of your life.

Hi! You only think she'll realize because you realize. If you told her, in a very normal way, that you figured out the code and you don't want to have a nisayoin of falling, chances are she'll understand and change it. Will she think you might have fallen? Maybe. So what? Don't hint, don't be passionate about it, just be nonchalant and put in your request. The best idea would be to drop it into the tub.

Hashemyishmor7 wrote on 18 Apr 2023 19:15:

We gotta put brakes on this, please. 

Is our brother 90+ days clean, and then whoops this unexpected insurmountable challenge happened?

• If yes, then such an extreme measure maybe up for consideration although I wouldn’t do that. 
• If not…

Many great suggestions mentioned. Until you decide which way to go meanwhile make the phone muktze - you will rip up ten dollars even if you use it only for kosher purposes. 

Instead of making this about the wife, I would take a step back and think how I got to this place and how I can avoid it in the future.

Today it was about an iPhone. Tomorrow it may be something else. 

Am I making sense ?

What I have hanging around the house is unfiltered computers and the like... I can easily go on them when they have been unlocked and act out. I know that once I go onto it it is only a matter of time. I also know that I am VERY vulnerable once I have acted out and my insanity is far greater. I will find any excuse to act out. My sposor explained to me that once I have acted out I must try and be safe by being around people, going on walks, doing excercise... So the last time I acted out I spent that 24 hrs trying to be safe... 1 day at a time... relax. You are here and you are working. I personally had to go to SA to help me and I am just as vulnerable as before, only now my vulnerability is my ONLY strength as it connects me to a power greater than myself, Hashem. Keep on connecting to us whenever there is an urge. 
I find that trying to get through devices is an intense obsession, often worse than the acting out itself... I would spend 8 hours at a time trying to find content through filtered devices. 
Whatever your situation is please have a share of it honestly, safely and be kind. I don't find that pushing myself into a box helps me. Rather what helps is me being open and honest about my lusts, resentments and fears.
Hope you can share with us.
All the best.

Just a question.. why do you feel that your wife will find out? Is there a way you can word it? Like saying I hope you don't mind me saying but I just figured out the password to your phone do you mind changing it please? If she asks why can't you just control yourself (typical) you  can say I just prefer not to have the temptation, you can keep it open if you'de like. Just a suggestion DO NOT SAY THIS OVER TO HER YET, share with us what the potential issues are so we can perfect it... I do not know your wife.