Oh, and please don't forget to erase any contact info for the guy from last night. And tonight, my friend, go to sleep early. You could use some good beauty sleep:)

Honestly, I'm confused how someone on this website could want to have dirty conversations. It's so amazing that you're confident enough to speak out about it. Thanks so much!

Yitz, solid solid stuff. Absolutely love it!

Eyes; sound advice. Stick to guys that posts on the forum, it eliminates 80 precent of the issues. 

Also, please report it it a moderator. We don't judge those fellows, but we need to look out for one another, we come here vulnerable, we write what out triggers are, when our hard times are etc, and that can unfortunately be exploited. It is important that it gets taken care of, so we continue gaining from being here, and not the opposite.

Please also report that user to GYE in order to get him banned. There is a concept of כבדהו וחשדהו which is especially relevant on a site like this. Help keep this site a safe place for others. Thank you!

hey yitz, thanks for sharing your very vulnerable posts.

looks like you got a bunch of advice here, and you have some decisions to make. 

hatzlacha

Wow I don't know what's worse messing up or having the freakin whole gye come out to lecture me

yitz23 wrote on 31 May 2023 02:58:

Hey, sorry I’m late to welcoming you.
I know the interest of the chevra here can be overwhelming and come across judgmental/lecture’ree (yes it’s a word, look it up) at times. 

An eitza for such times might be take a step back.
Breathe.
You are alive you’re ok you’re gonna really really be ok. Ya you slipped up etc but l’maaseh dude, your life really isn’t over.
Maybe munch on some Shnitzel with a Truly or two and relax.

Then it would perhaps be highly beneficial to consider what advice people have for you.
Good advice yes!
But please please please don’t let yourself get too worked up.
You honestly will be ok.

YeshivaGuy

Sapy wrote on 31 May 2023 00:47:

I really wish people would report more, I needed to ban at least 4 guys today. The chats lately take a long time to read - there are so many, and sadly, there are those which are inappropriate. I understand these folk, this business is tough, but I gotta do my job and protect this group, includin' the perpetrators.

cordnoy wrote on 31 May 2023 04:08:

Thank you Cords.  I really like your last line - that you are also protecting the perpetrators. In essence, most (unfortunately there are exceptions) guys here really want what's right, but are not ready to interact in a healthy way yet when a similar struggler reaches out for help. What begins as "helping each other" heads south quickly.  Do not hesitate to report to a moderator - it is not "mesirah" or anything like that. You are helping the fellow.

Wow Yitz, you woke everybody up!  Unfortunately these things happen from time to time, and as everyone advised, cut off immediately from these other fellows. They are probably nice guys who need serious help - and may even be in the middle of being helped, but are simply not up to the nisayon of interacting with a peer. Don't obsess about what happened - just keep it in your memory banks for the next time someone like this reaches out to you. Keep shteiging!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 31 May 2023 11:20:

I do understand that reporting to the moderator is helping oneself and protecting others, but how does it help for perpetrator being banned? isn't he now banned and pushed further away from potential help? (many people come back years after first signing up when they are not anymore so deep down in the mud)
P.S. Im asking out of good intention and I trust that you are doing the right thing, but I'm just asking(after all we have freedom of speech )

true_self wrote on 31 May 2023 11:39:

It helps the perpetrator because he is someone that, although in general might be looking for help, his actions right now (pursuing a sexual relationship with someone else on GYE) is extremely harmful to him if he succeeds at what he's pursuing. Banning him for the time being will stop him from harming not only others but himself. When he gets to a place where he's ready to actually get help in a proper way, he will be able to do that without having to pick up all the pieces from a destructive relationship that he fostered. 

yitz23 wrote on 31 May 2023 02:58:

Probably having the whole GYE coming to lecture..... We are here to stand by you. I'm sorry for the pain and ichy feeling your getting, it's only because we care that we write what we do. We each have our own challenges and tests, and nobody here thinks lowly of you for having yours. Stick around, keep sharing, and we are all very excited to be inspired as we watch you continue your upward journey!

I've (re)learnt my lesson about how being at home puts me in a bad place emotionally, so I am staying in Yeshiva for Shabbos while everyone else goes home.

I have places for meals, but Shabbos is sooooo long when there is nobody around to talk to.

I hope Hashem sees how hard this is for me, and how I am toughing it out for the sake of my Ruchniyus, and I hope it gives Him nachas. I pray that He gives me the strength to get through this difficult period of my life.



In the words of Akdamus (excerpted), with my interpretive translation:


The nations ask:
מנן ומאן הוא רחימך שפרא ברותא
Why is it that your Lover is so special to you,

ארום בגינה ספית מדור אריותא 
That you sacrifice, for His sake, all the world's pleasures, that you dedicate your life for Him,

We respond:
רבותכון מה חשיבא קבל ההיא שבחתא  
Of what value is the secular "happiness" that you offer me relative to the glory,

רבותא דיעבד לי כי מטיא ישועתא  
The greatness that He will grace me with at the coming of Salvation

במיתי לי נהורא ותחפי לכון בהתא  
When He shines His light upon me, and you are disgraced with emptiness?

צדקתא לעם חביב וסגי זכותא  
Triumph to the beloved nation, the nation of so many zechusim!

What type of question, of course you are giving him unbelievable nachas! You are doing such great work and you are faced with so many challenges, you are a hero. And you are a real inspiration to a lot of people here. My friend, keep sharing...and trucking!