Hi everyone,
There have been ups and downs, good time and a bit bad times, (baruch hashem no real outright porn) in the last few months.
It is interesting how I have not gotten rid of the problem. However it is possible that it is not to be gotten rid of, and the urges are just a drive and need from the animalistic part of me, that has certain needs. I'm not referring to needs for marriage needs (I'm married for clarification), but needs of pleasure, calming hormones, and excitement.
Will they just be there, and I will just have to find substitutes and/or just hold myself in (read-urge surfing), feeling that it is fine not to get what I urge for. The motivation being just because that is what is expected of me, and I am Hashem's creation and servant?
Am I surrendering, or is this the reality of just having to live with?

Not totally clear on what's bothering you, can you clarify?

Sounds like you're saying things have gotten better, and you've been clear from some level of pornography for a little bit, but you're still struggling. You want to know if your urges will ever go away? 
Idk. I am definitely not clean long enough to answer your question. Other people seem to have said it gets easier after a long while of being fully clean (indulging in lust but drawing a line at hardcore pornography may be a nice step in shmiras einayim or something, but it isn't being clean).

But the tone of your question sounds like what's bothering you isn't having the urges, but a lack of motivation due to the persistence of the urges. Responding to that is very difficult without knowing you, your struggle, and where you're holding in the struggle. (It's also difficult since I know very little about all this.)

Anyone using porn/masturbation/fantasy despite intellectually knowing they should not is doing so because they're getting something out of it. Whether what they're getting is the lust itself or the satisfaction of some underlying need is a good question for a therapist, but idk how helpful it is for getting clean. Stopping these behaviors will mean giving something up that you clearly like. 

If doing the ratzon hashem is enough motivation for you to stop doing something you like, then gevaldig. But it's very difficult to use an external motivator such as ratzon hashem, fear of wife, or external accountability as a sole motivation long-term. If it's not enough motivation, you either need to feel like you can't live with the lust anymore or you need to find the pleasure in not-lusting. Perhaps there are other long term internal motivations you can dig up. 

I know this didn't really answer any of what you were asking, but hopefully it'll help you think about it.

chosemyshem wrote on 27 Jun 2024 15:11:

I can share my experience, for whatever it's worth. I'm BH, thank you Hashem for leasing me here in the zechus of my ancestors, I'm at 675 days kein Yirbu. Every once in a while I do face pretty strong urges, and they are documented on my thread. Besides for that, definitely have thoughts, fantasies and memories more often, maybe a once or twice a week, I'm not really sure, but it doesn't really matter because we have learned BH that we can just move right away from these silly things. A few days ago I was walking down the street and I remembered something I once saw. And I started thinking about it. And then I remembered that I don't want this garbage, So I stopped thinking about it. So, as far as I know, and from talking to the guys here, the urges will never disappear completely until 120. They are not constant, but they do come up. And YOU can be stronger than all of them!!!
chosemyshem" wrote on 27 Jun 2024 15:11:


​That's the truth! Reb IWLR, can you please chime in?

eerie wrote on 27 Jun 2024 15:58:

Thank you Hashem for reminding me that I am still human. 

Thank you Hashem for giving me the ability to become closer to you by saying no to the urges that come.