MAZEL TOV MAZEL TOV MAZEL TOV.

wowowowow, what an accomplishment, I'm so happy for you, what a great time to celebrate together with the holy and pure chanukah candles, can't wait to reach to the 90 days myself, as of now I'm exactly half the amount of you and how exciting it was to finish 45 days as I lit the chanuka candle.

keep up your amazing work, you seem like a very STRONG and intelectually honest person, I'm sure hashem is amazingly proud of you.

i-man wrote on 19 Dec 2022 07:24:

I started reading my story from the very beginning and wow what a journey!

My wife pointed out tonight when we were discussing the topic, I have proven to our Creator that I could handle the day-to-day stresses without escaping. This is the first major life challenge I am overcoming without resorting to porn or drugs.

 That’s a very big deal and no coincidence that it came up at this milestone. 

i did discuss the situation with the party who acted insensitively and the reaction was basically first “it wasn’t directed at you, and then “I did it for your good and for your benefit and love you like my son.”

Yeah, no. Estranged son more like…


pulling back and moving on…

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 20 Dec 2022 00:28:

Wow wow wow. You are a holy man my friend. Keep on inspiring.

Beautiful update

This past mikveh night was a beautiful gift from Hashem, an answer and conclusion of a twelve year chapter of Teshuva and hard work, and the pinnacle of a 90 day journey. 

I have expressed on a different thread that my one regret is that I would never be able to re-capture the experience of sharing the connection of the “first time intimacy” with my wife due to my previous actions. 

but this week, everything changed. Hashem rewarded me in this world!

We went into it with mutual respect and understanding, and I respected her pace and did not have any strings attached. She recognized the hard work of the past few months especially, and has seen the paradigm shift in our relationship and my attitude and behavior in general. 

Hashem lovingly, and graciously “reset” my feelings, and it really did feel like the first time. The intense connection and glue between us is there in a way that it was never there before. I am so fortunate that I know my prayers have been listened to, and am eternally grateful to Hashem for permitting me, in His graciousness, to recapture that very special connective feeling with the only woman in the world who matters to me. 

Hashem, thank you for believing in me and for entrusting in me the ability to truly love my wife for the first time in our marriage. I am humbled and eternally grateful! 

very warmly,

Your loving son,

ILH

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 22 Dec 2022 14:08:

I am so beyond overjoyed for you (and your wife). What a beautiful Teshuvah you have done. Your story has been, and continues to be, an inspiration to me and what you have done and have described is beautiful beyond words. May you and the only woman in the world who matters to you continue to grow closer and closer and may your relationship reach new heights the likes of which you never dreamed, IyH. Thank you for sharing this wonderful news. 

Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!

Hello

A few things on my mind. I am doing my best not to let what happened to me recently affect my service of G-d and my Judaism. I have always struggled with consistency in prayer, and I am trying very hard to bounce back, especially in the mornings.

Secondly, thank G-d for good filters! I was home alone yesterday for many hours. The family went out to a kids family gathering and I stayed home to learn in the morning and to do some work in the afternoon. About three months ago (shortly before joining GYE I put on a very strict filter on all my devices, so strict in fact that if I just look up random stuff, all images are removed for the most part and I cannot really see anything other than the headlines. Having a filter saved me yesterday. a few times the thought flickered through my mind that I should go visit a house of ill repute, but I shut that down pretty strongly. 

unfortunately I listened to goyish music for about a half hour which I must not deny it is an indicator of the beginning of a slip. Trying very hard to come out of the funk, trying to be active and take care of things in advance and not to let things build up for tomorrow. It’s like working with credit; if you let the balances build up, then it could be overwhelming when it’s time to pay. But if balances are paid often and in full, they are much more manageable. 

An additional interesting thing is that since we are trying for a baby, according to my wife, we must do our hishtadlut every two days. In the past this would’ve been great news, but at this stage, where I have, thankfully been able to adjust my appetite and mindset, it is actually not so easy. We are both so tired at the end of the day that what has been happening is that we agreed that we will wake each other up in the middle of the night and then try to sleep a bit longer after that. 

If you would’ve told me 6 months ago that I would not pounce on this opportunity to indulge I would be  skeptical. I guess this is an indicator of change and improved emotional and mental health.   

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 26 Dec 2022 14:29:

ILH247, you continue to be a true inspiration. Please fight as hard as you can against this. If the goyish music is a trigger, then RUN FROM IT!  You have made such tremendous gains. I’m proud of your progress (though I am certainly no on important) and am really pulling for you. Your friend, Yosef. 

So I recently was put in touch with a gentleman from another town to be partners on this journey together. There were some things that that we discussed - one of them was how to deal with flirting with others, as well as how to handle women flirting with us.

I encouraged him, chatted for a little bit and then hung up.

Fast forward about 24 hours - today I was on the phone with an executive of an advertising technology company that my business works closely with. This was my first time dealing with this specific person (regional manager who is third from the top of the food chain in their company). This is a significant contact for us in the SaaS company, and we were negotiating a mutually beneficial deal with potential positive implications on both sides. 

The woman (who had a pleasant southern accent) was extremely flirtatious, inappropriately so. I always try to be well mannered and charming in all of my business (as well as personal) interactions which only increased her behavior. As I was speaking with her, I remembered the conversation I had with my new friend the other day, and that conversation gave me the strength and inspiration to keep things professional, and to do the right thing. When closing the deal later that day I got lots of texts from her with all kinds of emojis but I kept to short and polite yet very direct answers until the deal was done, and then stopped communicating. 

Why am I sharing this, you ask? To prove that a person can interact normally with women in a healthy way, and still be part of the business/outside world. Even if others are acting inappropriately, it is possible to behave appropriately.

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 29 Dec 2022 03:29:

No Proof!

I’ve been away from GYE for a while. Here is a summary of the past few weeks: 

doing great! 
struggling. 
doing great!
struggling. 
doing great! 
struggling. 

And the list goes on

main thing is to recognize that it’s a cycle - not to get cocky when on top, and not to get depressed when on the bottom. 

also HHM has been instrumental in understanding the signals coming from my wife and her behavior

 don’t think I’ll ever understand female hormones but at least I can do my best to be nice!

Also how do you guys deals with browsing for questionable items in shopping sites that pass thru filter

I'd say that the best option is to add a webchaver or something similar.

shopping sites used to be a huge struggle for me, so I recently asked my filter to never allow a website without image filtering. I use Techloq filter. 

They also have something called a filter admin. That way you can make sure things do not get opened up if they are problematic.