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TOPIC: new guy 3959 Views

new guy 09 Mar 2021 00:46 #365034

  • mount whitney
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hi im new here married 30 yrs old have been mastrubating for 5 years i honestly cant believe i am actually here. 

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 00:49 #365035

  • yeshivaguy
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Welcome to the family buddy!
Any internet struggles or just Masterbating?

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 01:25 #365039

  • Menucha Vsimcha
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Welcome aboard!

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 01:44 #365041

  • mount whitney
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just masturbating honestly im pretty disgusted with myself im sure you could imagine. at what point is it not such a struggle? 

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 01:46 #365042

  • zedj
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Welcome!

What surprised you the most!?

If you really want out..stick around and get to know all the amazing guys here!

Have you ever spoken about your struggle with anyone?

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 01:47 #365044

  • eyes
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Welcome mate
Lots of guys your age here.
Me too
Reach out.
DOn't be embarrassed
You will get over it.
Stay around for a while.

Welcome PM me when ever

Hatzlacha

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 02:00 #365046

  • grant400
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Mount whitney wrote on 09 Mar 2021 01:44:
just masturbating honestly im pretty disgusted with myself im sure you could imagine. at what point is it not such a struggle? 

Welcome! 

It will always be a fight, but not always a struggle. In this fight we are always climbing Mt. Whitney, we just acquire climbing gear fit for this specific terrain and climate.

If you are looking for a magic fix, you will tire yourself out searching. There is no secret. It is you. Believe it or not, you do have the ability to control yourself. It's just a question of sticking it out and learning how to fight properly. 

Stick around, post and read. You have the ability to stop literally in your hands. Please don't toss it away! 

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 03:53 #365056

Welcome to the chevra!

The guys on this site are mamish incredible so def hak them up.


Good to see you're doing what you can to triumph - rooting for you!
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 03:57 #365057

  • happyyid
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Mount whitney wrote on 09 Mar 2021 00:46:
hi im new here married 30 yrs old have been mastrubating for 5 years i honestly cant believe i am actually here. 

Welcome!
This is a great place to hang out!
Keep on posting, it really helps.
Lots of luck!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 04:53 #365064

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never spoke to anyone about this. it only started after i got married and read some bad books and got disatisfied with what my wife could offer. after a couple of kids and some weight gain i am even less attracted to her. i feel as if i will never be satisfied with her.

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 05:11 #365067

  • wilnevergiveup
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Welcome!

Check out some of the other guys threads, they can be very inspiring and helpful.

Also check out some of the threads in the bb section like @Changing's and others. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 14:19 #365093

  • Captain
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Also, please check out these great free resources. They provide great chizuk:

Great book (ebook) for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Also, you can sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge
Last Edit: 09 Mar 2021 14:21 by Captain.

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 14:57 #365101

  • davidt
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Mount whitney wrote on 09 Mar 2021 04:53:
never spoke to anyone about this. it only started after i got married and read some bad books and got disatisfied with what my wife could offer. after a couple of kids and some weight gain i am even less attracted to her. i feel as if i will never be satisfied with her.

Here is some info on this from R’ Simcha Feuerman:

Lack of attraction, particularly when due to stresses of pregnancy and childbirth, can be extremely challenging. In many ways, this is a classic problem that some couples experience. Like many marital situations, this requires work on a few fronts at the same time.

Many women in this situation find themselves in a psychological catch 22. They don’t feel love and they don’t feel attractive and so they are depressed and eat more. However, if they work hard to lose weight, they also don’t feel loved because it feels that they’re only being loved for their body.

Similarly, the man is also in a catch 22. He wants to give his wife love and affection but because he partially feels resentful and partially feels truly deprived, it is difficult to give that love and affection. Of course, the less love and affection he gives, the less likely his wife to find the self-esteem and courage to work on losing the weight. A true catch 22 disaster.

The way around this marital disaster is to develop a routine and continuous system of speaking respectfully, honestly, and courageously to each other about the challenge. No emotional blackmail, no temper tantrums, no blaming, and no shaming. Just respect and honesty.

One might ask, what will happen next? The answer is, nobody knows. However, when you believe in each other and instead of isolating you keep staying close, solutions happen.

Couples therapy can be helpful. However, it’s like the doctor that sets the broken bone. The doctor is not going to heal the bone; only the body‘s natural mechanism can do that. The doctor, though, has to set the bones so the bone is in a situation where it can heal. Couples that cannot maintain honesty and respect and connection and instead isolate need therapy in order to be connected so that the healing happens.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 16:26 #365103

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DavidT wrote on 09 Mar 2021 14:57:

Mount whitney wrote on 09 Mar 2021 04:53:
never spoke to anyone about this. it only started after i got married and read some bad books and got disatisfied with what my wife could offer. after a couple of kids and some weight gain i am even less attracted to her. i feel as if i will never be satisfied with her.

Here is some info on this from R’ Simcha Feuerman:

Lack of attraction, particularly when due to stresses of pregnancy and childbirth, can be extremely challenging. In many ways, this is a classic problem that some couples experience. Like many marital situations, this requires work on a few fronts at the same time.

Many women in this situation find themselves in a psychological catch 22. They don’t feel love and they don’t feel attractive and so they are depressed and eat more. However, if they work hard to lose weight, they also don’t feel loved because it feels that they’re only being loved for their body.

Similarly, the man is also in a catch 22. He wants to give his wife love and affection but because he partially feels resentful and partially feels truly deprived, it is difficult to give that love and affection. Of course, the less love and affection he gives, the less likely his wife to find the self-esteem and courage to work on losing the weight. A true catch 22 disaster.

The way around this marital disaster is to develop a routine and continuous system of speaking respectfully, honestly, and courageously to each other about the challenge. No emotional blackmail, no temper tantrums, no blaming, and no shaming. Just respect and honesty.

One might ask, what will happen next? The answer is, nobody knows. However, when you believe in each other and instead of isolating you keep staying close, solutions happen.

Couples therapy can be helpful. However, it’s like the doctor that sets the broken bone. The doctor is not going to heal the bone; only the body‘s natural mechanism can do that. The doctor, though, has to set the bones so the bone is in a situation where it can heal. Couples that cannot maintain honesty and respect and connection and instead isolate need therapy in order to be connected so that the healing happens.


Welcome,

Your stay here should be rewardin'.

Regarding weight gain, I have some personal experience. Additionally, I have spoken to fellows about this.

As a general rule for us type of guys, I disagree with the above. Do not talk to the wife about it unless she brings it up. Oh, but we can talk honestly about it? No, we aren't so good at that, certainly at this stage.

So, what positive, productive method am I offerin' now? Nothin' at this present moment, except stick around and join the club. 
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: new guy 09 Mar 2021 19:57 #365119

  • Pure123
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It will always be a fight, but not always a struggle.

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