My own 2 cents. 

I went to MO yeshiva. Very shtark. At the time i had a girlfriend AND my best friend was a girl (??!!)

After Yom Kippur one year (I was there for a few years) I got frum. I gave up the friend. She creid bittery and her friends claled me telling me i was evil. But i knew it right. And it was. 

The girlfriend... that took another two years. One day she invited me into her hosue and i knew that if i went in, I would regret it. I amde an excuse and then sent her a letter saying it wasnt meant to be. 

Not quite your story, but I get the idea of the closeness. This is going to sound harsh - it's fake. There is no reality to it. My friend and I spent HOURS talking. Ripping the world apart and putting it together. But it's fake as it's not what Hashem wants. 

I actually came on here as I had some bad news and was really driven to porn. Would have been first time in nearly 3 years. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to help you and help myself. 

bego wrote on 08 Dec 2020 13:19:

Quite a story my friend. I'm never able to understand how people like you (not so from from birth) can literally give up their entire lives, friends, relationships etc. lma'an hashem. It's truly astounding! Thanks for sharing. 

Now, what was the news you had to share?

Hi Grant

(sorry for the terrible spelling - my hands are cold and my typing gets worse because of it!)

I wouldnt be impressed with me. I suppose it depends on everyone's situation. I'm a fanatic. I saw truth and went for it. I gave up friends, girlfriends but not family as I l'maaseh came from a frum but MO family so most of family is now either charedi or frum MO. Then again, reading that, yeah! Be impressed :-)

I screwed up at work. Really annoying. Our car broke and needs nearly $1K of work - which we have, but its not nice to lose savings. Dont know why, but just an inch away from throwing away 3 years and going for some nice, sweet porn. Just sad, tired, fed up with corona and bored of not seeing people (though i really do have a great wife and kids). But I'm hijaking this thread :-)  

bego wrote on 08 Dec 2020 13:38:

So because you saw truth and went for it, I shouldn't be impressed?!? Sorry I can't help it.





Nice? Sweet? What? Are you describing your wife? Kids? Or something you are proudly writing that you've STAYED AWAY FROM for 3 years?!? Why were you running away if it was honestly so nice and sweet? I believe you don't really believe AT ALL!!!!!


So let's understand the plan. You feel yucky, so in order to make yourself feel better you wanna do something that'll depress you, make yourself angry at an awesome dude like you, and make yourself feel way yuckier  than before?

Help me out here...

You know it will only make you feel worse, and as soon as you surface you will still have all the same problems, in addition to your relapse. So ...so....so.....Hatzlacha!
                           *            *            *
Three years of sweat,
Three years of toil,

Not one regret,
No more turmoil,

Take my money,
Even my car,

I may feel crummy,
Gonna stay a star.

Hey Grant

Thanks for the pep talk :-)

​Don't worry, I was just annoyed, but didn't really plan to act out. More like I wanted to so used posting here as my drug replacement … 

​Thankfully, I've really developed during my years here (it's been about 4 years, with a couple of years before that when i didn't post). 

Firstly Thanku all for your reply’s! The date we set up that the relationship should “end” is next Friday... wish me luck ! My “girlfriend pointed out something that to think of it like rab akiva left his wife 14 years because temporarily it was better for him to grow etc ... even though they were away physically they were still close at heart... I will continue to daven for her throughout and still care tremendously about her cuz she is someone I care about, respect and a lot of true love! this bumpy process it will bezH help us both grow and with the right mindset there’s only gaining no losing by doing this... to comment on what Bego said that it’s “fake” I’m sorry to sound like this but I think your comment was fake! Yes I do definitely admire you... you got out of your own different situation and keep it up..!!! And your controlling yourself from porn etc ... AMAZING! But I think your very wrong... to say that all relationships are fake is such a stupid comment... there are millions of relationships in this world... your telling me since it’s a girlfriend it’s fake!?!? I hate to break it to you like this but... there are many stories of people meeting a girl when they’re younger and marrying them couple years later... my own neighbor met his WIFE 3 years before they got married! I’m sorry bego... I’m proud of your accomplishments... but think your very mistaken in your comment... these comments make me feel so misunderstood... so painful... no one believes me this has real potential... I guess the day I get engaged I’ll be excited to post it here to prove the world. YES it was real! Yes it was a relationship of GROWTH OF RESPECT OF REAL COMMUNICATION... I’m sorry I’m going on like this but I just think the world has to be a lil less judgmental and to stop jumping to conclusions... P.S I was fighting an intense battle with my yetzer... not to watch porn (I just got a new phone and didn’t filter yet) ... so posted here to distract myself... so Thanku Hashem for this forum and GYE)!!!

Thanku ALL for the chizuk you guys help me tremendously you have no idea!!!!!!!

 Please come back shortly and let us know that you filtered your device without falling! Can't wait to hear from you.

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 09 Dec 2020 18:07:

Hi Shtark, apologies you were upset, not my intention at all. If you read carefully what I wrote, it says it is fake because it isn't what Hashem wants. There are of course many loving relationships that are built at a young age, yet from what you have said, you agree that it isnt the right time for this one. That being the case, the drive to maintain it is "fake" i.e. an external drive (call it the yetzer hora if that works for you) not the genuine desire to grow in your yiddishkeit that you have so impressively spoken of. Also, l'maaseh, if you were a Rebbe in yeshiva and a boy came to you, long before he was in shidduchim, and asked if he should START such a relationship, I'm assuming you would say no. Not because it might not work, but because it wouldnt be the right approach. So too, saying it is fake means it is the wrong time and the wrong place. It DOESN'T mean you don't love her (hey, I still think of my old girlf every now and then :-) ) it does mean that the relationship (menaing the practical aspect) is fake i.e. unstustainable and not based on the values you so clearly espouse.
​As you say, B'ezras Hashem you'll grow, she'll grow and you'll meet back up in the future. 
Apologies again. 

bego wrote on 10 Dec 2020 09:43:

I appreciate that!! Thanku!!!! I’m not upset don’t worry ! You didn’t do anything wrong... I just felt like it was like saying the relationship is fake for the future as well ... I appreciate you clarified!... 

Hey Shtarkandemotional

How did it go?

Hey all!!!!!!!!!!!! I pushed the day off to tonight I will be get a מזל טוב!!!! Tomorrow morning !!!!!!!!  this isn’t an easy step at all!!!!! And I will need everyone’s support throughout but I’m doing this so hashem can be proud!!!! I’m doing this לשם שמים!!!! If anyone wants to support me or help I would definitely love it and it will be a huge mitzvah my number is (917) 810-0615 and I’m reachable through text only.... through this step that I’m taking... hashem should help us all!! Helps us overcome all our challenges in life!!!! And beat the satan, win him, and crush him into pieces!!!!!! Looking forward to start posting about the journey starting tomorrow morning!!!! Thank you all

Really each one of you!!! You, don’t know much your saving me and helping me and giving me great chizuk!!!

You are bringing a korban to Hashem that will bring Him enormous nachas, greater than we can comprehend!

Today! I overcame one of the greatest nisyonos, I planned to go out with my special love one last time before our “break”... in my mind me AND her both KNEW we are touching 99.999999% for some reason hashem didn’t allow it to happen!!!! Hashem gave my special friend the strength to say NO! When I asked !!! It was a smack in the face but the best smack anyone should ever be זוכה to!!! We touched so many times in the past but hashem gave us the strength today I have no idea how it happened in my mind I thought for sure were touching 100000000%%%%%!!!! We both thought me and her!!!! But she stopped me, and I continued along and at the end of our date it got very challenging for both of us!! And I’m PROUD TO SAY we both stayed strong and didn’t hug goodbye!!!!!! Because we’re NOT saying goodbye!! We’re taking it day by day!!! Overcoming the nisayon not to talk each day!!!!! And slowly with small steps we will reach great heights!!!! Tonight me and her got engaged!!!! We both know it SO WELL!!!! We’re now taking a break and making a healthy decision and planning for our big simcha wedding night!!) in around 2 years from now (hashem allowing of course)!!! Thanku hashem for the great זכות I had today to overcome a nisayon of יהרג בל יעבר!!!!!!!!!!