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TOPIC: Yomim Noraim 218 Views

Yomim Noraim 15 Sep 2020 09:13 #355086

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Deleted
Last Edit: 16 Sep 2020 15:05 by Rebuild613. Reason: Misspelled

Re: Yomim Noroyim 15 Sep 2020 11:15 #355089

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Last Edit: 15 Sep 2020 17:33 by alwaysthesame. Reason: _

Re: Yomim Noroyim 15 Sep 2020 13:42 #355097

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I suffered with this for many years. I doubt i'll be able to get it all out, but basically there are some problems that can be seen without needing much thought:
1) I end up viewing myself as bad, no matter how hard I try. And that I think Hashem views me as bad.
​2) For me to be "not bad" would take so much effort and even then I probably wouldn't succeed in being "not bad" anyway if we're being realistic.
3) No doubt all bad things will chas veshalom happen because of all my sins.
4) But of course even that won't help me clean up, and the real painful stuff is reserved for going downstairs after 120, chas veshalom.

My understanding is that people with a chassidish background have this problem less, because of their many teachings that go against it. But for those of us who don't have that background, a nice chassidishe vort in an email or book doesn't end up helping because it's not what we grew up with.

These perspectives are not easily fixed. And they are especialespecially hard to fix during yomim noraim. But here are some things to start with, that perhaps can help a little.

For 1 & 2, read The Battle of the Generation (
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation), especially Appendix A. It's a good start. Of course a lot more is needed.
For 3, you have to learn about Bitachon, but from the original sources, the rishonim. Read Rabbeinu Yonah on Mishlei perek 3 pasuk 26, Rabbi Avrohom ben Harambams chapter on bitachon in Sefer Hamaspik, and Chovos Halevavos's chapter on bitachon. (The last 2 are available in English, though Chovos Halevavos is the least straightforward and easily understood of the 3.)
For 4, you should read Kiddushin 39b, Sefer Ha'ikrim maamar 3 chapter 29, and the sixth part of Halevavos Shaar Habitachon chapter 4.

Of course, this is just beginning stuff. Very likely you will also benefit from a frum therapist who knows how to deal with this stuff, and uses a style you are comfortable with. And don't look to solve this by this year's yomim noraim, but maybe next year you will be able to come in with a completely different perspective.

I hope this helps. Wishing you much hatzlocha and praying for you.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Yomim Noraim 15 Sep 2020 15:32 #355107

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Thank you Captain.
i appreciate your concern your understanding and your time.
will look into these sources.
Last Edit: 16 Sep 2020 15:06 by Rebuild613. Reason: --

Re: Yomim Noroyim 15 Sep 2020 19:02 #355115

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Demolished wrote on 15 Sep 2020 09:13:
 Disclaimer: as English is not my first language please don't laugh at my grammar and vocabulary, thank G-D for spell check.
i am wring this post because of the possibility if someone is able to ease my pain so it was worth it.
The days from Rosh Hashanah until after Yom Kippur are very depressing for me, especially Rosh Hashanah itself i eventually came to resent it, am i going to shul? Yes, am l listen to shofar? Yes, but i am more relaxed on Tisha beov,  to the point i stopped saying זכרנו לחיים  telling silently to the יודע מחשבות no thanks, you can gladly take my life back,
i have a feeling that it's a result of the intense musar shmusen i heard in my yeshivah years,  
I'm kindly asking if you don't have anything constructive to say/write it would be more helpful by remaining silent.

Why should I remain silent when there’s a brother in pain?

I know others replied to the Days of fear = Yomim noraim. But that doesn’t sound to me like that was your main concern. 

I see another post of yours here

Demolished wrote on 15 Sep 2020 07:55:

I very much relate to your story, that happened more than once and more than twice to me, eventually that made feel that i am a sex toy and a ATM machine, not even a human being. I feel your pain and my heart goes out for you.

Maybe there’s more to your story which you haven’t yet shared, and also why did you choose that user name. 
Regardless, it sounds to me like a coach or Therapist can really help you. Are you seeing one (as I am)?
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Re: Yomim Noroyim 15 Sep 2020 19:09 #355116

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Deleted
Last Edit: 16 Sep 2020 09:23 by Rebuild613. Reason: Does not really belong here on GYE

Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 03:57 #355148

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Demolished wrote on 15 Sep 2020 19:09:
Thanks Markz for taking interest and your concern, 
i do not have the funds right now for a therapist, the ones who take insurance are a waste of time (in my opinion based on previous experience)

#GoFundMeDemolished

Where do I go to donate??
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Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 04:14 #355152

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Markz wrote on 16 Sep 2020 03:57:

Demolished wrote on 15 Sep 2020 19:09:
Thanks Markz for taking interest and your concern, 
i do not have the funds right now for a therapist, the ones who take insurance are a waste of time (in my opinion based on previous experience)

#GoFundMeDemolished

Where do I go to donate??

I’m in. I’ll donate just send me the link

Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 08:21 #355165

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Markz & YeshivaGuy  it's very nice of you but that was not my intention.

i also relized that it does not really belong here on GYE i tried erasing the post was not successful. Does anyone know how ??

Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 11:22 #355172

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Hey buddy, if guys want to help out, why not give them that zchus? Sometimes we have to learn to accept help from others. People here are genuine. When they see a chaver suffering, they really want to help. Think about it.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

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Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 14:34 #355186

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Demolished wrote on 16 Sep 2020 08:21:
Markz & YeshivaGuy  it's very nice of you but that was not my intention.

i also relized that it does not really belong here on GYE i tried erasing the post was not successful. Does anyone know how ??

Why do we act out? Often there are underlying things going on, and a lot of people gain on Gye when we have this discussion. So why do you say it doesn’t belong here. 
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Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 14:58 #355188

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That was actually my initial thought that it's my underlying issues for acting out,  but afterwards I kind of thought that i don't have to use GYE 
to rant about my emotional issue's.

G-D bless you All 

Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 15:03 #355190

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Hi Hashem Help me .
i know that the guys over here are very special people. But it was really not my intention. 

i appreciate your concern 

Re: Yomim Noroyim 16 Sep 2020 21:20 #355203

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GYE is a place where we learn to straighten out various issues in our lives. We come to the realization that most of us are acting out as a form of escape and release from the pain of a horde of emotional issues. So the forum is a very appropriate place to rant. And if Hakadosh Boruch Hu brought you here and thereby introduced you to kind and generous individuals who sincerely want to assist you in receiving therapy that you are in need of............
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

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