Thanks Grant! I loved all of your posts on this thread, but this one really hit the nail on the head. 
I would just add that what you write regarding the need that list fills is true of all other self-destructive behaviors and addictions. It’s just that lust is uniquely accessible and built in to a person and is the easiest addiction to hide...

Count me in on this to. From now on, when I see a woman, I try the Grant method (bli neder). See what happens.

Hatzlocha all.

Hey Zedj! Here's the thread I was referring to. It's a discussion about how to stop viewing women as sexual objects. Read from the beginning at your leisure. I hope you find it helpful. 

Thank you, it will be my special nittle nacht read!

Grant400 wrote on 12 Aug 2020 17:14:

Really? It’s so hard for me to believe that.
I’m aware that it’s probably due to my own skewed mindset...

I was watching a talk ( I don't remember who or where it is) the gist of what he said "if the woman/girl knew what the guy was thinking, she would never dress like that"

@yeshivaguy So I guess it would be correct to say a girl/woman when they dress, they are thinking to look pretty and not to be looked at in a lustful manner.
If only they would know.......

This is a very helpful thread thank you to all here that gave their advice.

I think that was Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky on his famous "The Platonic Relationship", which by the way is a must watch/listen too for anyone who wants to date for companionship but is not ready to date for the purpose of marriage yet.

Please tell me if I am mistaken but doesnt the gemara say something like 
חמת מלא צואה והכל רצין אחריה
It is part of our eternal fight and these are all strategies to win each battle but the war we will only win when we hit our graves after 120 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 22:14:

What Grant writes is probably true most of the time, hense the big to-do with the "me to" movement. It took me time to grasp this as true.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 22:14:

Yes, regarding the typical Frum woman it is true. Even if they are not perfect with Tznius standards etc. If they are healthy frum females their intention is to look pretty and get compliments from their friends etc. They don't think about us and our hirhurim. They intrinsically like to look nice even for themselves.Think of any female relative you have,and it may be easier to realize that.

Hi all,

I am currently (still) struggling with looking and lusting when walking in the street. I had bad days and worse days. i am still trying to find the proper way how to deal with this.. last night I had an embarrassing story... I found myself staring at this lady, and she noticed it, then I realized its my friends spouse - and immediately my mind got flooded with all kind of negative thoughts; she will repeat to her husband, he will lookdown at me, will think that I am not happy with the way my wife dresses (which has some truth)..
I am hurting....

willdoit wrote on 06 Feb 2024 16:17:

Maybe you can use this as a tool to help you for the future. Think about this, every married woman is a human being with a spouse (even if you don't know him). Each one has their own history, pain, challenges and issues which we don't know about. You're not staring at an object, it's a human being who deserves respect. You can go further by saying a prayer for her that she should succeed and hashem should help her with whatever needs she might have... 

willdoit wrote on 06 Feb 2024 16:17:

Ouch ! But like Davidt said sometimes you can use these stories as a springboard to stop looking. The knowledge that there is a real person hiding beneath whatever you see.
Hatzlocha!

davidt wrote on 06 Feb 2024 18:26:

Thanks! I am grappling with this idea for a long time, I am trying to apply it in real life but id does not seem to take away the lusting. my mind plays with me' like, so what?  what if she is a human being, she is attractive!. the lust wont yield. what am i doing wrong?

Maybe understand that she has a private life and you are intruding.