(I know this isn’t the topic here, but just wanted to go off on a tangent in response to ITK. I hope Yeshiva Guy will forgive me for the temporary hijacking of his thread.)
There comes a point where you just want to do it and it doesn’t matter what the consequences are. After the desire begins to really snowball you can almost never stop it by trying to reason with it. That’s been my experience. I’ve been told (a couple of years ago, when I first mustered up the courage to call somebody from GYE) that our bechira is to not put ourselves in risky situations. After that you have very little or absolutely no control, depending on the situation. No smell, mess, כרת or anything else will get between you and your “fix”.

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Deleted

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 08 Oct 2020 09:55:

I won’t respond so won’t give ppl ideas, but don’t worry about it

YeshivaGuy wrote on 07 Oct 2020 23:04:

Are you alowing thoughts of fantasy to run freely through your brain? 

That makes it a much longer and much more painful journey than necessary. 

Focusing on distractions is a more practical approach if you are trying to completely break free from the entire 'lifestyle' that the yetzer hora wants you to persue. 

A wise person once said 'it's better to stare at a woman and think of the wall than to stare at the wall and think of a woman'. 

After all, it's the thoughts, the fantasising, the לב חומד, that connects the עין רואה to the כלי המעשה

I don't suspect of actively pursuing such thoughts, as is evident by how amazingly well you're doing, I just feel that a reminder is always a good chizzuk. 

Please excuse my blunt approach and keep up the good work! 

starting wrote on 08 Oct 2020 18:47:

Yes. Unfortunately you are right.
I have been allowing my mind to roam freely from time to time.
And I must focus more on distraction/filling my mind with Torah so it won’t be ״פנוי מן החכמה״.
Sometimes it feels like I should just throw myself a bone and indulge in just a shtikl hirhurim.

But you are very much correct. And I deeply appreciate you seeing through me and bringing it to the surface.

Family’s having outdoor fire pit chill with another fam who has attractive daughter.
Im not hangin out there though and instead learning in the Succa.
Taiva to flirt, but I’m being misgaber, Baruch HaShem.

So I won last night.
Had a dream though where I was walking with her, shmuzing etc, it felt good.
Thats a trigger, but I’m trying to ignor it.

I feel a big part of my problem is not taiva, but rather a desire for “connection” and to feel loved...
It’s hard, sometimes I feel lonely and crave such a relationship, but I know that the ratzon HaShem for me now is not to be dating etc but rather to learn etc.

Though it’s hard, I know I must work more on my middos, these inyanim, and be more entrenched in Torah/Hashkofas haTorah before marriage.

A gutten Kvittel!

Gut vuch.
Yom Tov was decent. Had hirhurim, fought a lot to push back.
BH clean from touching the “ever” for Hana’ah for the last 35 days!

I head to Yeshiva this Sunday, I hope to go there with 41 clean days.

Exciting nisyonos coming up in a few days, but we’ll discuss it as we get closer

Hatzlocha!

What are you planning on keeping yourself busy with until Yeshiva starts?

Yeshiva guy, just wanna say that you inspire me tremendously. HaShem has so much nachas from the massive  fight you put up daily. Wishing you much Hatzlacha and success in your learning and avodas HaShem. 
OivedElokim

wilnevergiveup wrote on 12 Oct 2020 05:27:

Ah! Excellent question!
We’ll discuss tomorrow, time for bed.
But u raise a good point

3:00Am. I’m “chalishing” for pritzus videos and to masterbate.
But I haven’t been on bad YouTube vids in around 64 days and been clean with masterbating...
Oy it’s rough.
Its just too easy to be nichshal here...

though I’m letting my mind be occupied by all this trash...
@starting, ur right!

anyway, I’ll be strong tonight.
Gn brothers

YeshivaGuy wrote on 12 Oct 2020 07:06:

Whatchya doin about it?

I don't think @starting needs your validation...