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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 25291 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Feb 2021 20:30 #364174

  • YeshivaGuy
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Was lying in bed thinking about how I haven’t had hirhurim in awhile and that like it’s been easier.
And then, a storm of taiva surges. I reach down almost going to touch myself, was hard...
Tried getting some zachen on my phone, not successful...
Gotta keep on guard. A part of me wishes to taste once more the sweetness of masterbation...

See ya, going to seder

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Feb 2021 20:31 #364176

  • BHYY
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Feb 2021 20:30:
Was lying in bed thinking about how I haven’t had hirhurim in awhile and that like it’s been easier.
And then, a storm of taiva surges. I reach down almost going to touch myself, was hard...
Tried getting some zachen on my phone, not successful...
Gotta keep on guard. A part of me wishes to taste once more the sweetness of masterbation...

See ya, going to seder

Trust me, you don't wanna do that. It's all a lie.
Trust me............
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 05:05 #364214

  • YeshivaGuy
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Slips, pretty big slips, not a fall though...
Its a domino affect..
Have a plan with my therapist for dif inyanim, sorry for being vague.
Basicaly, saw some not good, though no Masterbating, and nothing for too long...
But l’maaseh I almost caved completely...
And I saw some bad vids on YouTube l’maaseh, I can justify that wasn’t so “erotic/stimulating etc,” but it def wasn’t good, who am I kidding.
Not what I view as a fall though, a fall in my book is for extended time and Masterbating.
But I hear a taana that like, if I don’t classify these “peeks” as falls, then how will I ever be completely clean?
Its a good kashya, but not my focus right now.
Just staying positive.
I held back from Masterbating, now is that an accomplishment if I instigated the nisayon? Lechora not. But either way, I know what went wrong today, and I’m doing better in the future. 

Yes I made things harder for myself etc etc etc, but I’m too tired for all this typing, I always ramble for awhile...

Am I a tzadik? Perfect? No. I won’t ever be perfect. The goal is to learn from ones mistakes, and I’m doing that. That’s the ikur.
Im not proud of what I did. I did an aveira. 
Yetzer:so might as well masterbate!
Seichel: No. 

171 days clean. Clean? Not squeaky clean. Not what some chevra here may call clean. But לפי where I am this is the cheshbon.
Feel free to argue or criticize. But please do so in not too harsh of a manner.

The imperfect,

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2021 05:23 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 05:59 #364216

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It may be time to realise that you have moved on already. You are much more sensitive now. As this stage, you will probably get an urge when you see semi erotic content even though it used to take hardcore pornography in the past.
Think of it like the difference between a yid and a goy. You can explain the entire sugua of kedusha and harchakos and gedarim to a goy but he will not get why on earth one cannot shake hands with a woman. For a yid, whose kedusha is practiced to such an extent, a simple handshake can lead to extreme urges... 
We have to continuously up our game as we reach greater heights 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 14:24 #364224

  • Captain
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Hey YeshivaGuy, I think you might find this interesting:

The message is clear: If a person puts himself in a challenging situation, or even if he strengthens his lusts by constantly giving in and now faces overwhelming battles, he still receives the same reward for struggling to overcome his desires as if it had not been his fault. Although bringing the struggle upon himself adds to the gravity of his earlier mistakes, it does not take away from the greatness of his accomplishments.
    The Gemara (Berachos 34b) relates: Rabbi Avahu taught that in the place where ba’alei teshuva (people who have repented) stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. This means that pure tzaddikim cannot reach the level of those who have done teshuva. This is hard to understand. Why should a person who never messed up be lower than one who ran after sin and only later repented? A person who never sinned should be far greater than someone who repented!
    The Rambam (Hilchos Teshuva 7:4) explains that by sinning, ba’alei teshuva activated their desires and became more susceptible to the pull of sin. Their desires are many times stronger than those of a person who never sinned. For them to win their battles, they must exert much more effort.
    People who have gotten caught up in the web of desire face extremely difficult battles. Seemingly innocuous situations awaken their desires, and suddenly they feel, “I want it! I need it! I can’t live without it!” The intensity cannot be fathomed by one who has never faced such desires. It takes much more strength for the ba’alei teshuva to win, and that’s why they are higher than those who never sinned.
    In a similar vein, the Tomer Devorah (Chapter 1) answers that because their challenges have become so strong, ba’alei teshuva cannot get by with the safeguards of those who have never sinned. Ba’alei teshuva have already breached those barriers. They are susceptible to urges that others don’t experience, and their desires are more powerful. The safeguards of those who never sinned are not enough to hold them back. They must set up fences that go far beyond those safeguards, and they must be careful to avoid situations that might trigger their desires. This extra effort to implement these safeguards puts the ba’alei teshuva on a higher level than those who never sinned.
    At this point, it should be clear that the lower we have fallen, the higher we can reach. We should never be discouraged by where we are holding or think it is too late. We shouldn’t think of ourselves as lowly sinners, doomed to bear our scars and be inferior forever. Rather, we should be excited about our opportunity, because we can reach much higher than those who haven’t fallen and don’t experience the challenges we face. We can become great! Though it takes great effort, if we appreciate our opportunity, we will be excited to succeed.
    The posuk in Michah (7:8) says, “My enemies should not rejoice over my fall, because I have risen up. Though I sit in darkness, Hashem is a light for me.” The Midrash (Yalkut Tehillim 247) relates that this posuk contains a secret message: “If I had not fallen, I would not have risen to where I am now. If I did not sit in darkness, Hashem would not have been a light for me.”
    Rav Chaim Shmulevitz, zt”l, (Sichos Mussar, 5032 Ma’amar 37) applies this Midrash to our battles against the yetzer hara. After we fall, we can rise to incredible heights that we could never have reached had we not sinned. When we realize how low we have fallen and cry out to Hashem over straying so far from Him, this spurs us on to dramatically change our direction. Quickly, we fly way past where we were before we sinned, and we soar to the greatest heights. We gain strength that we never had before, and we start serving Hashem with emotion and meaning.
    Our failures present an opportunity for greatness. They are not obstacles that hold us back, and we must not allow them to. Not only don’t they make us incapable of greatness, they can even become the sparks that bring the most growth. They can spur us on to reach amazing heights that we would never have aspired to had we not fallen so badly. Not only that, the added difficulty of having tasted sin gives us the opportunity to achieve incredible acts of success. This is another way our situation enables us to reach astounding heights! We should not be depressed by where we are. Rather, we should be excited because the lower we have fallen, the higher we can reach!



(From Chapter 21 of The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.)

Thank you for being my inspiration and keep up everything that you are doing!

In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2021 14:25 by Captain.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:00 #364233

  • YeshivaGuy
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Not doing so good. Aveira goreres aveira.....

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:01 #364234

  • Grant400
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:00:
Not doing so good. Aveira goreres aveira.....

Run! Go do a mitzvah! 
I lost a 6 month streak. I will get back there. Not if, but when. When? Now.

l can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:02 #364235

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Grant400 wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:01:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:00:
Not doing so good. Aveira goreres aveira.....

Run! Go do a mitzvah! 

Wat mitzva? I’ve been in bed all morning
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2021 18:02 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:05 #364236

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Rabboisai, last night in my ruach shtus I texted a girl...
Then she texted back this morning.......
Prob is I broke off speaking to her last year, and now I “came back cuz missed her”...
Super duper attractive, but uk guys, this isn’t me.
Ive been lying in bed just waiting for the final step of masterbation.
I lay here passively.
A victim of desire and lust.
Im like a dog, waiting with bated breath for 30 min for the text back..
Like a robot I mechanically lay in bed for hours, reaching ever closer to the “ever,” giving in slowly...
grasping the phone I press on the GYE app, maybe it’s not too late...

Maybe...
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2021 18:14 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:17 #364238

  • Sapy
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STOP it now! You will regret this brother! Get the hell out of bed, and call one of the experts here how to proceed. Nu... your out of bed already? Nu....

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:22 #364240

  • YeshivaGuy
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Deleted the number.
Digging out of this hole

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:24 #364241

  • YeshivaGuy
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Sapy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:17:
STOP it now! You will regret this brother! Get the hell out of bed, and call one of the experts here how to proceed. Nu... your out of bed already? Nu....

Fine, I just got out of bed cuz of you.. Thanks
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2021 18:25 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:27 #364242

  • YeshivaGuy
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Uch Oy, I’ll go shower then put on tefillin.
A ״רוח של תשובה״ has come upon me from posting here and talking to a chaver here.
Oy...

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:34 #364244

  • Sapy
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:22:
Deleted the number.
Digging out of this hole

Awesome! Wow! No Uch... you should be mighty proud of yourself! What a gevureh! You did it! Past a massive nisoyoin! Hashem is proud of you, and you know it! Make sure to give an extra dance purim, for this success!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Feb 2021 18:39 #364246

  • YeshivaGuy
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Sapy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:34:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 18:22:
Deleted the number.
Digging out of this hole

Awesome! Wow! No Uch... you should be mighty proud of yourself! What a gevureh! You did it! Past a massive nisoyoin! Hashem is proud of you, and you know it! Make sure to give an extra dance purim, for this success!

Idk, anyway, she’ll text me back at some point, so I’ll have to delete it again.
I can’t block it cuz then my phone saves the number under blocked numbers
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