Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 01 Oct 2020 22:54:

Amen. Get back up and keep shteiging!
Ive been looking up to you this whole time and need you.
We’re in this together.

A sukkah and a mikvah are the only two mitzvahs where a yid immerses himself in it completely. Let us use the sukkah as a mikvah and sit in it in purity for the duration of sukkos!

Grant400 wrote on 02 Oct 2020 14:40:

*Shabbos is the same concept...
Shabbos in the succa! Ah!

B'ezras Hashem and you too!!

lionking wrote on 01 Oct 2020 23:50:

Thank you for the support. And that point about it being before cheshbon aveiros actually sparked a little bit of fighting spirit into me, so thank you for that.


Well if this ain't calling the kettle black. You look up to me? Yours is almost always the first thread I go on when I go on this site. You're an inspiration to us all. Thank you for the chizuk.


Will do my best. Thanks for the idea, and the support.


Thanks Meyer.

Thank you all for the immediate support. BH I'm now 4 days clean, getting back on track. May Hashem bless you all with all that is good.

Baruch Hashem, even though I cut my fall short (like I really wanted to fall another day, but I managed to stop and then Yom Tov came along) the falling spirit has left. So that cycle which I often do, where I fall until I've done it all again, stop, fall, repeat, has been broken. I hope that makes it easier in the future.

Anyway, gut mo'ed to y'all.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 07 Oct 2020 11:30:

That's really amazing.  This success should not be underestimated.  In many ways, fighting the Y'H after the "first" fall is so much harder, since the Y'H tells you to get whatever you can in before you start the clean streak again. 

@ITK, how u been buddy?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 14 Oct 2020 11:32:

^^?

Might as well get this over with. 

Last few days have been a disaster. Falling left right and center. Zero self control. No excuses, it was a freefall. So honestly yeshivaguy, not been great. (But thanks for asking.)

I'm not beat. But I'm pretty muddy. Really let loose into the cesspool of tumah that is the darker side of the internet. But I need to stop. I hate this defeatist attitude that I have. I hate that I've lost the little fire that burns inside, that makes us want to be great, that makes us want to succeed. And I'm gonna get it back.

Honestly, what I need now is a break. Stopping totally all this madness, and cutting loose on all the shmutz. It won't cure me, but it will help me find my footing, cos at the moment, I literally have no legs. I hope and pray that I can make it back to yeshiva very soon, which can be my taivas Noach of sorts. And it will be an ideal opportunity to switch out my filter as well, and when I return to hopefully get a much better one.

I penned a response to a few of the points mentioned when I spoke out that I may not be stopping because I feel there is always more time. That I can and will stop when I need to. However, I need to think about it more (something I haven't done in a while is just sit and think), to give me more clarity. I know its a stupid thought, but its internalizing that its stupid that's the hard bit.

So this was depressing and sad. But I hope to get back on my feet. Even if I don't return to yeshiva, I will be more busy at home so I should find it easier to stay clean.

I'm gonna do it. I'm going to plug this zman. I'm going to work really hard. And I'm going to keep at it. Be it learning, davening, exercising or relaxing, I'm gonna try this zman to give every part of avodas Hashem my all, bli neder. 

May we all have a zman of aliyah and success. Thank you all.

p.s. I may have to set a time in the week, say 2 - 3 hours to go on GYE, not everyday, as I'm back in yeshiva at home schedule. 

Hi ITK

Sorry to hear it's been a tough few days, unfortunately a few of the chevra have been in a similar situation recently, but we have a good group of tzadikim looking to grow.

Try stay a few days clean, maybe a week. A realistic goal you know you will meet. I know for myself that the last few days haven't been pristine, but when I was around day 40, you really feel you've come a long way, and you forget the beginning of that count wasn't perfect. 

Over aseres yemai teshuva, one of my rebeim said the same way we take out time of learning to daven, similarly we should take time out to do teshuva, specifically a cheshbon hanefesh.
I don't know if the same applies here, but maybe take a Seder off, you sound like a good guy, so I'm sure your chavrusa will understand, and revaluate the situation. Personally I like finding a quiet bench, leave your phone behind and just bring a pen, a pad of paper, and maybe some prompting questions. Take your time and don't rush, it's not quick process, it can take a few hours. Write what's in your heart, how it's been going. Just spend time thinking or writing with no distractions. I hope this is something you will find useful.

I'm looking forward to hearing good news from you, we all really appreciate having you around supporting us. It pains me to hear others are struggling, because many of us have had similar experiences.

Looking_to_improve

Looking_to_improve wrote on 19 Oct 2020 21:18:

Possibly this is good advice. However, sometimes this type of mehalech can be counterproductive being that it can cause one to obsess about it. Secondly, taking off a seder at the beginning of a zman may cause chavrusa or hanhala issues.... Just my opinion.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 Oct 2020 02:57:

I can find the time without any issues. I actually haven't gone back to yeshiva yet because of permit issues. I hope to return there super soon, but yeh, I have loads of time. And while I'm trying to learn more, and keep to a yeshiva-like schedule, its not so easy. Shmutz is readily accessible here at home, so it being on my mind is pretty constant anyway. (Of course learning and keeping busy helps a ton.) My point is, taking a step back and reevaluation may, in my situation, do a lot of good.

Thank you both for your advice.

O.K,.BH still holding out. Honestly, the taiva has been pretty bad over the last few day. I've not had the frishkiet of a new streak where the yetzer leaves for a bit before his return. Not great fun....

You see, the yetzer feels that I only have a small streak. So what the b'doodldles, may as well fall anyway. And through chasdei Hashem it seems I am, returning to yeshiva on Sunday. So the yetzer feels I have to chap arein before then, as during yeshiva I won't have access to any sort of internet device. So he's being pretty relentless and viscous reminding me of these points.

But now, writing this, I realize I'm being unfair. Because I'm saying 'the yetzer' this, 'the yetzer' that. And that's not really true now, is it? There is not 'the yetzer' - there is only 'a yetzer.' Because I've ignored the good old yetzer tov. And that little fellow is screaming don't do it. Screaming Fight!. Screaming be the person you want to be. And I have a choice whether I listen to him. 

I want it. I don't want it. Its not a stira. Its 2 parts battling with each other. The animal and the soul. The yetzer tov and the yetzer hara. The choice is mine who I listen to, who I join. We can be G-d like, or animalistic. It is up to us.

Time to stop blaming everyone else. My parents, my computer, even the porn stars themselves. And its time to step up and realize that I have a choice. The most difficult, yet liberating choice available. 

Hatzlocha all. I hope and pray I make it through the next few days. And I hope and pray that y'all succeed too.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 22 Oct 2020 09:55:

Beautiful! Such clarity of thought and honesty. Extremely well written. I wish I could hang this on my wall for a few days! It encapsulates everything so succinctly. Thank you.