Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 09 Sep 2020 12:13:

You truly are amazing. Such an inspiration.
You are a walking kidush HaShem.
May you be matzliach in this inyan and in all aspects of Avodas Hashem

Hang in there buddy! Remember it's perfectly okay to feel desire and it's perfectly okay not to respond to it. Hatzlacha! 

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 09 Sep 2020 12:13:

Dont panic.  You got this.  That's great that you have a busy schedule today.  Stick with it and I'H the urge will pass. 

Ohwa. That's a really big compliment, especially coming from someone like you. Reading it was really comforting, thank you. And may the mevarach be blessed in exactly the same way.


This made me smile as always. So simply put, and with a logic that cannot be beaten. Thank you Grant.


Baruch Hashem I managed to do that, and its worked, the urge has passed. Thank you.

This reminds me of something I once saw on this site. A post that basically points out that there can be joking and fun done here, and some non serious banter. But when one calls out even the tiniest peep for help, an army of soldiers rush to his side.

My thread has been inactive for a bit, I mean, I post only occasionally and its mostly more of the same. I didn't think anyone would see this so soon, especially not so many. But then I saw all your replies earlier today, and honestly, I just smiled. And after that, beating the taiva became that much easier. So thank you all so much.

THIS SHOULD BE AT THE START (but since I put a quote there I can't put it there now): Baruch Hashem I didn't fall. I didn't even slip. Thank you Hashem, and thank you GYE.

I don't think I'm in the clear yet, as I'm in the withdrawal stage. But you guys keep me going.

May we all have a pure eternity, one day at a time.

Hodu LaHashem ki tov. Three weeks without much trouble. I'm working on filter issues and am going to plan ahead for bein hazamanim (or any weak times in zman), beezras Hashem. 

Hope eveyone is o.k.

This guy is gold.

Thank you all for the most amazing help you have given me. There are hardly words to describe the amazingness of you all, and what you do. May Hashem grant us all a good healthy happy year, clean from our yetzer haras, that we may serve Him the way we deep down truly want to.

Kesiva v'chasima toiva all.

p.s. cheers Meyer!

O.K. so this is interesting.

Taiva has been really bad today and last night. I was looking at some exercise equipment on amazon, and low and behold there was a picture of a girl in fitness clothing (or lack thereof.) What's interesting is the jump I got when I saw it. Like, recently if I saw an image of an inappropriately dressed girl, I wouldn't get so turned on. But here I am, straight after Rosh Hashona and the taiva just leapt at me. So that was different. May be a good thing.

Anyway, as I said I've been lusting today. Not gonna act out, but it doesn't give me much hope for the future, especially with my filter still not sorted out. But I aint gonna give up at the first sign if a fight. And writing this I forgot about one day at a time. So yes, while I need to sort out my filter, it can't impact todays lusting.

O.K. that's all for now. May Hashem help us all to be clean and good before Him.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 21 Sep 2020 08:36:

It seems to be a good thing. The fact that you were excitedly triggered seems to be evidence that you are not used to this stimulation anymore.


Why doesn't it give much hope for the future? It is a process buddy. Retraining ourselves, rewiring our brains, changing our perspectives, and breaking out of default setting habits takes time! And of course, get your filter set up in the best way possible!

Ohh Wah. Today was a hard day.

Last night I had a wet dream. I find a lesson to be learnt in them: all actions have consequences. All our choices cause results. Anyway, they may be an inconvenience, but I usually get them after a month so nothing new. 

The issue is, the day after, my taiva level shoots. And so it was today. I tell you, if it wasn't so close to Yom Kippur, and I didn't have such a busy schedule (which now going into bein hazamanim I won't,) it could have ended a lot worse. BH I held on. But I mean, at one point it got so intense, my aiver actually hurt. Still, BH I'm clean and fighting. So that's good.

As Hashem Help Me wrote, (thank you for doing so) its a process. Rewiring the brain, and our entire perspective on women can take a while. It didn't take a day to get to where I am (or a month, or even a year), it won't take a day to fix. But If I put in the effort, I'm sure Hashem will help. Hence the filter thread I started, part of that above mentioned hishtadulus. 

Thanks again all. Gemar chasima tova. Good clean sweet year.

Keep on working at it, chipping away, putting in the effort and hishtadlus. Davka when you are struggling, when it's intense, is an opportunity to grow a lot.

Gmar Chasima Tova

Looking_to_improve wrote on 24 Sep 2020 20:59:

It isn't a opportunity, it's happening right at that moment. The question is if you are going to grab that moment or throw it away....

Thank you all again so much.

As mentioned, taiva has been much more the last few days. But as R' Volbe is medayek from R' Yonah, taiva is not inappropriate, just misguided. Its not to be eradicated but channeled and directed towards kedusha. So may all of us here be zoche to that.

Gemar chasima tova all.

O.K. Firstly, dang it. Secondly, dang it. Thirdly, well, dang it.

Yup I fell. Had one of my greatest streaks at home, but come 1 minute of bein hazamanim and I fell. And not just yesterday, today too. I'll write more tomorrow, I just needed to let you guys know, helps me  feel accountable. I won't give up, but I do feel put off. I need to figure out where it all went wrong, and to try again. 

Anyway, I'm sorry all. Its crazy the shame you feel admitting things like this. I'll get back on my feet tomorrow, honest. (O.K. bli neder, but kind of redundant as I'm mechuyav to so its a neder on a neder, but now's really not the time for lomdus...)

See you all. May Hashem help none of you to stumble as I did.

Sorry to hear. I know how hard it is too admit it. Get yourself back on track, don't let this fall send you flying off the cliff. We are still in the 4 days before the rishon lcheshbon avonos. Start well and may you be zoche to be successful IYH