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Fall down 7 times GET UP 8
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TOPIC: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 435 Views

Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 03:20 #344838

  • refael
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II've never posted  on here before, but this is a new effort to make myself  accountable and be honest with myself and anyone who'd care to listen. 
Today  is ה cheshvan and I fell again totally  intentionally. I knew exactly  where my trigger was and went right to it.  The thing that  really gets me is the fact that all I really wanted from myself tonight was to just stop and think and make an honest decision. then follow through. 

I Want to move forward being honest with myself and beat this addiction day  by day. 

God help me,  
Refael

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 04:03 #344841

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refael wrote on 03 Nov 2019 03:20:
II've never posted  on here before, but this is a new effort to make myself  accountable and be honest with myself and anyone who'd care to listen. 
Today  is ה cheshvan and I fell again totally  intentionally. I knew exactly  where my trigger was and went right to it.  The thing that  really gets me is the fact that all I really wanted from myself tonight was to just stop and think and make an honest decision. then follow through. 

I Want to move forward being honest with myself and beat this addiction day  by day. 

God help me,  
Refael

Wow we have an angel on the sight
Welcome. 
Wheres the wings in flight emoji???

Rafael I’m not sure if it’s possible for an angel to get shot Gd forbid, but you should know that a bullet is not a “trigger”. A trigger is something else than you depicted. 
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Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 04:11 #344843

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Welcome. Wise move to join GYE. Stay connected and iyh you will get out of this mess.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 04:29 #344845

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Yup just shot myself . A trigger is the bar and the people walking inside I just walked past on the way home from the mikve, right ?

Last Edit: 03 Nov 2019 04:30 by refael.

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 04:34 #344847

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refael wrote on 03 Nov 2019 04:29:


Yup just shot myself . A trigger is the bar and the people walking inside I just walked past on the way home from the mikve, right ?



Quite an esoteric post for an Angel
English please
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Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 05:14 #344849

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Going to watch porn is already losing the fight being tempted to walk into my local bar is being tempted and tested. 

Better now? 

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 13:38 #344852

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refael wrote on 03 Nov 2019 05:14:
Going to watch porn is already losing the fight being tempted to walk into my local bar is being tempted and tested. 

Better now? 

Yes

Now what are your internal triggers that may cause you to want to fly down millions of miles from heaven into a bar?
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Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 03 Nov 2019 21:12 #344868

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refael

I too strugglewith why I will fall when I do not want to fall.

Try the Mindfulness method, it can explain self destructive behaviour.

Treat the urge to fall as an external thought

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 09:02 #344892

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Sorry but for me a trigger is not to go to the bar, but what make yourself to go to the bar : stress, anxiety, desire... 
Did you checked this ?

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 17:53 #344897

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Well I think there's various levels at play for me internal factors that put me in a place where I'm likely to fall and once I'm in a a place where I'm in more danger things get worse from there

Sadness in general 
Low self esteem 
Boredom
And other things I can't think of now are some of my internal triggers

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 17:59 #344899

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WWas clean yesterday thank god.  That's one day. Todays day two the last time I went over 90 days clean I was busy 24/7 and only came home to sleep. 

I find when there a hole in my schedule that's an opening  where my yetzer Hara can enter and it helps with the aforementioned triggers since it's hard for the yezter Hara to hit a moving target 

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 18:25 #344903

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Thanks for your response !
To get a step further : do you know why you are feeling sad, and you have a low self esteem of yourself ?

My two cents about your second post : yes, it could be a good strategy to be always busy, but for me it's like somebody is chasing you and you are always running to escape him because you are dead if he reaches you. It's good for short term, but it's tiresome and difficult to maintain at a long term.

Perhaps it's better instead to make strategies that the pursuer is unable to find you, or stops to seek for you... And if he finds you, you can throw him a bait and divert his attention, without fearing him.

In one sentence : resolving the problem instead of "hide and run"

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 23:37 #344911

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well I've found both are necessary. If it's a short term strategy I think you have a point, but I'm trying to make it a lifestyle change. If I'm involved with fulfilling real desires there's not the same temptation to go for nonsense distractions. 

the other side of the coin is that regardless ill still be tested and therefore need many strategies and tools for when that comes. It helps me to collect tips that work for me personallyfrom various sources for when I need it. 

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 04 Nov 2019 23:40 #344912

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Part of it is low self esteem another is that i have this girl im into on my mind and it leads to getting depressed about it. That leads to trying to fill that with something

Re: Fall down 7 times GET UP 8 06 Nov 2019 08:28 #344933

  • David26fr
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I understand...

Why you have this girl in mind, you can tell me or not, as you want...
But, if you are feeling depressed because of this...
 Sadness is normal and natural about this events, but I think it's not good if it leads you to depression.

A personnal story : I was thinking about a girl after a broken shiduch. I was depressed about this girl, and I was crying a lot.
I went to a Rav, and he told to me "I know it's difficult to accept it, but this is Hachem's will. You can't know what will bring you the future, perhaps something far better than you can imagine. All that does Hachem is for good, and so for this Shiduch. Staying depressed will arrange nothing".
I managed to get andto keep the positive, and to stay sober at this time. It wasn't easy, and I continued to think about her, but the depression was essentially gone, and I tried to stay optimistic rather than sad.

This story has a good end : after some unexpected and miraculous events, this girl became my wife...

Hope this helps you.
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