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TOPIC: help me 1673 Views

help me 20 May 2019 18:25 #341317

  • foundmyself
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i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

Re: help me 20 May 2019 19:05 #341320

  • Dave M
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Welcome to GYE.  I think pretty much everyone here can relate to your struggle.  It's very impressive that you worked up the courage to lock the phone.  The images will linger in your head for some time.  However, the longer you resist from viewing inappropriate materials or purposely conjuring up those images, eventually they will start to fade away.  Also, remember that learning and davaning are antidotes to tumah.

Re: help me 20 May 2019 20:25 #341321

  • Markz
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foundmyself wrote on 20 May 2019 18:25:
i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

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Re: help me 20 May 2019 22:03 #341323

  • David26fr
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Welcome to GYE

​First, stop fears about the future like "I will eventually fall"
Past has gone, future is a mistery, all that counts is the present. Now.

This is normal that the pictures are now in your head, they will not disappear in one instant like "Poof ! Magic ! It's gone". During a moment they will return again and again. And after, they will begin to fade.

But remember : these are only thoughts produced by your brain because of addiction. Don't focus on them, and don't try to fight them, because it's like trying to punch a ghost. Instead : focus on anything else. Make your life occupied with positive activities that will make your mind busy.

There is is also a technique called "Swish Pattern" for bad thoughts, you can take a look at it.

You made the first and most important step by locking your phone ! Pray also for Hachem help. And only a day, an hour, a minute at a time ! Don't be preoccupied about future, the important is NOW
Last Edit: 20 May 2019 22:13 by David26fr.

Re: help me 21 May 2019 17:57 #341347

  • foundmyself
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I am so happy i found this site, your insights were very helpful .

Re: help me 17 Jun 2019 18:20 #341778

  • foundmyself
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my wife needs internet in the house for college i have a very good filter but there are certain things you cant block i fell a couple of times looking at inappropriate pictures not the real stuff but bad enough is there any one that has an idea what i can do

Re: help me 17 Jun 2019 23:46 #341783

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Only let her have the password

Re: help me 18 Jun 2019 11:13 #341788

  • Hashem Help Me
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There are filters that have skin filtering, so even if a questionable site gets through, you cant see anything triggering. Gentech and Meshimar filters offer this service.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: help me 19 Jun 2019 02:46 #341801

  • sbj
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Have you tried personal fences like taphsic? It can lighten the struggle tremendously.

Can you use it only when wife is around?

A simple tool that helped me many times is carrying a piece of paper with bullet points of the great benefits of being strong and the sad losses of forbidden pleasures.
Last Edit: 19 Jun 2019 02:47 by sbj.

Re: help me 19 Jun 2019 21:59 #341822

  • tzemach
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On the topic of skin color filtering, there's a new chrome extension that you can install. Here's the link:
chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/tag-image-filter/pjdabogckbepcemfdiigdkncfekikpki?hl=en
The extension can be enabled and disabled as needed. I'd suggest you create a separate Windows user for yourself that would have this extension enabled. This way, it won't interfere with your wife's work.
There’s Life Beyond Addiction

Re: help me 09 Jul 2019 13:07 #342175

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i have skin color blocked on my computer but still not every thing gets blocked also i like reading things that are inappropriate which this cant get blocked cause the hole internet is full of it 

Re: help me 09 Jul 2019 13:30 #342180

  • Dave M
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It may be time for you to invest in one of the frum filters which are specifically geared to us.  They do a much better job filtering inappropriate materials. 

Re: help me 09 Jul 2019 18:06 #342183

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Thanks for taking your time to answer. I have a frum filter it does a very good job, but if you have browser even if you cant get in to the page cause its blocked, on the google page itself there are inappropriate pictures.  

Re: help me 09 Jul 2019 20:36 #342187

  • Hashem Help Me
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TAG in Flatbush has a standard of filtering that they call Machane Kadosh which would protect you from what you are describing. You can call them at 3478788241
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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