i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

Welcome to GYE.  I think pretty much everyone here can relate to your struggle.  It's very impressive that you worked up the courage to lock the phone.  The images will linger in your head for some time.  However, the longer you resist from viewing inappropriate materials or purposely conjuring up those images, eventually they will start to fade away.  Also, remember that learning and davaning are antidotes to tumah.

foundmyself wrote on 20 May 2019 18:25:

They threw it overboard. 
Only a bunch of drunks left on board, including me...

Welcome to GYE

​First, stop fears about the future like "I will eventually fall"
Past has gone, future is a mistery, all that counts is the present. Now.

This is normal that the pictures are now in your head, they will not disappear in one instant like "Poof ! Magic ! It's gone". During a moment they will return again and again. And after, they will begin to fade.

But remember : these are only thoughts produced by your brain because of addiction. Don't focus on them, and don't try to fight them, because it's like trying to punch a ghost. Instead : focus on anything else. Make your life occupied with positive activities that will make your mind busy.

There is is also a technique called "Swish Pattern" for bad thoughts, you can take a look at it.

You made the first and most important step by locking your phone ! Pray also for Hachem help. And only a day, an hour, a minute at a time ! Don't be preoccupied about future, the important is NOW

I am so happy i found this site, your insights were very helpful .

my wife needs internet in the house for college i have a very good filter but there are certain things you cant block i fell a couple of times looking at inappropriate pictures not the real stuff but bad enough is there any one that has an idea what i can do

Only let her have the password

There are filters that have skin filtering, so even if a questionable site gets through, you cant see anything triggering. Gentech and Meshimar filters offer this service.

Have you tried personal fences like taphsic? It can lighten the struggle tremendously.

Can you use it only when wife is around?

A simple tool that helped me many times is carrying a piece of paper with bullet points of the great benefits of being strong and the sad losses of forbidden pleasures.

On the topic of skin color filtering, there's a new chrome extension that you can install. Here's the link:
chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/tag-image-filter/pjdabogckbepcemfdiigdkncfekikpki?hl=en
The extension can be enabled and disabled as needed. I'd suggest you create a separate Windows user for yourself that would have this extension enabled. This way, it won't interfere with your wife's work.

i have skin color blocked on my computer but still not every thing gets blocked also i like reading things that are inappropriate which this cant get blocked cause the hole internet is full of it 

It may be time for you to invest in one of the frum filters which are specifically geared to us.  They do a much better job filtering inappropriate materials. 

Thanks for taking your time to answer. I have a frum filter it does a very good job, but if you have browser even if you cant get in to the page cause its blocked, on the google page itself there are inappropriate pictures.  

TAG in Flatbush has a standard of filtering that they call Machane Kadosh which would protect you from what you are describing. You can call them at 3478788241

Hey buddy, how u been?
Come back! We need you!