it's funny i think in my case what leads me to act out isn't "superiority" like in your case. rather one of the big aspects that lead to me acting out is 'low self esteem' just the opposite from you!

iampowerless wrote on 24 Jan 2018 14:23:

The 2 are very closely linked.  עיין Doctor Sorotzkin.

Hi everyone baruch hashem i reached 32 days clean the last couple of days were a little more complicated......
Wednesday night i slept over at my grandparents now this is the place that i watched my 1st bit of pornography over 6-7 years ago as their computer is unfiltered. Plus i think almost every time i've visited my grandparents in the last few years was more to visit their pornography on their computer than to actually get to enjoy some quality time with them. So my emotions were running....so after speaking to a fellow GYE member i decided to make a TAPSHIC on touching that computer while i was there and baruch hashem i remained clean even though i woke up at 3AM!!

Thursday i had a flight, Flying in the past meant nonstop watching of the movies that had the most sexual content followed by nonstop masturbating in the bathroom but thanks too me being very tired and planning in advance by bringing stuff to do, plus agreeing that i'm not using the airlines screen besides for maps i was able to hold myself and stayed clean

Thursday night i went bowling with my family (big mistake) anyways it was a real party scene with a lot of young boys and girls drinking etc.....my eyes sadly were looking all over the place.... and after finishing bowling with my family my yetzer hara tried doing what it does best making me feel like a real looser and telling me you were looking at all that garbage that was going on in the bowling alley so it's kinda like you fell so you might as well fall even more......(don't ask me how that makes sense but the yetzer hara knows how to make ridicoulous things make sense) but baruch hashem despite what the yetzer hara tried telling me i stayed strong! And i remained sober
Good Shabbos everyone 
love Yankel

Hi everyone b'h im still clean! I had a question for my dear GYE buddies i hope someone can help me out........
B'h ive been clean for 35 days.... i've getting rashes in my genital areas since i stopped masturbating (could be i had a little rash even b4 i stopped masturbating, but it for sure feels much worse and more irritated since I've stopped) is this normal? Have other people experienced this as well? Should i go to a doctor about this (i'm very embarrassed to do this)? What have others done? Thanks

Lots Of Love Yankel 

i aint no dr. but it sounds to me like a regular case of jock itch ,why are you embarassed to go to a dr.    theyve seen it all! no need to mention to the dr. that you stopped. ive been reading your post and your giveing us all alot of chizuk,hatzlacha!

@ieeyc you are probably right it's probably just regular jock itch i guess because it got worse around the same time i stopped masturbating i assumed that maybe there was a connection between the two things. but you are correct it's probably unrelated.

Thanks for Replying!
Yankel

hi ,i was hesitating if i should post this  public or private ,and i decided to do public since others might give advice on this topic,although im not implying that youre not sanitary ,im sure you are, but could be it is related in the sense that some people who are working on 90 days or however long, will be careful not to wash properly,so maybe s/o here could advise on that matter,sorry for being so poisanal.

Hi everyone i haven't posted in a while......... I have some extra time b4 Shabbos so here we go......
This Shabbos i'll iy'h be 40 days clean! I can't believe i've made it this far. It's crazy how the struggle shifts the 1st 30 something days i felt very depressed i cried a lot and to be honest sometimes i felt so bad that i couldn't even get myself to cry! Each day was a struggle etc,etc 
Now 40 days cleans, a lot of chizuk, and therapy and some gym time i feel like a very different person much more liberated, a much higher self esteem, and baruch hashem much more happy etc, Looking Forward to many more clean days ODAAT!
Anyways Shabbos is coming so I'll end up with a little bracha that all of us should have many many more clean days ODAAT! 

Good Shabbos 
 Love Yankel Your Fellow Addict!

Look how strong you are getting! The yetzer hara is really pulling out all the stops to get you to touch that area, and once you touch....He knows that he is on a losing streak!
Hashem gives us nisyonos that he knows we can pass, it may be very hard, but you can do it!! Keep up the good fight!

Congrats on your accomplishment! 

Today i felt very stressed so i sent a text message to one of my gye buddies that I'm stressed out so I'm headed to the gym after i came home i still felt stressed so i took out a piece of paper and started writing my real deep and painful emotional feelings and traumas to hashem here is the follow up text i sent him 'B'h i'm feeling a little better i went to the gym and then i got home and took out a piece of paper and started writing to hashem to please help me be happy, help me be able to free myself from all the trauma of my past etc.......Just writing to hashem my most painful emotions felt very liberating!'
Now i'm feeling calmer and heading to sleep

 Lots Of Love Yankel!

wow

You are a future manhig on GYE!

Hi everyone baruch hashem i've reached 44 days clean! anyways i've been very stressed out lately, lot's of anxiety and feeling down (there is a lot of things going on in my life at the present moment) but b'h even with all those painful feelings i've not felt the need to act out. Baruch hashem i guess it finally hit home that my acting out is just an escape but it's an escape that just causes me to feel way worse after so i'd much rather live with the terrible urges short term than run away to fake bliss with it's huge amount of long term consequences! 
Anyways in honor of all the stress and feeling low lately i decided to change my avatar once more. i think it sums up my life!
Also i'm heading to another therapy session later on today so hopefully it will be a productive session!

 Lots of love Yankel

:peace:Your friend who is a little depressed at the moment! 

Love the avatar!