B'h today is day 44, anyways i am going to update my commitment for another 15 days until day 60 where if i fall (masturbation, Pornography or any kind of looking for erotic pictures or books or clothing websites. ETC,) besides for joining PA i'll have to give $100 to GYE. And if i on purpose look for content that will lead me on a downward slope such as forums or nonwork related sites that while not being a fall are huge triggers or i don't belong there i will have to give $100 to GYE

Looking forward to many more clean days. ODAAT!

Good Shabbos my friends
 Love Yankel!

Hi Chevra i am b'h at day 54! anyways Keeping in touch with people and constant surrendering and working my program are some of the tools that have helped me so far! it happens that today i'm feeling extra lusty so i guess it's time to surrender and make some phone calls..................


:kissing_heart:Love ya all! Yankel!

Ouch my filter by work stopped working, and unfortunately it led down a slippery slope and i slipped into reading some forums. But b'h i stopped there and didn't have a full blown fall anyways i gave $100 to GYE as i had promised and now i'm redoing my contract until day 60 after which i''ll redo it again.

here is my updated contract if i fall (masturbation, Pornography or any kind of looking for erotic pictures or books or clothing websites. ETC,) besides for joining PA i'll have to give $100 to GYE. And if i on purpose look for content that will lead me on a downward slope such as Goyishe forums or chat rooms or any other questionable material on any of the computers by work I will have to give $100 to GYE.

I take it these are real nedarim?

What does PA stand for?

mzl wrote on 25 Jul 2018 16:16:



https://p-a.online/

Hello everybody I'm back, unfortunately I had a bunch of setbacks and falls. I have been a mess.

Anyways I have given myself a new name and look Do you like it? And Joined PA I went to 2 meetings so far.

Hoping that this time around through working the program ODAAT I will break free from this trash and start living life.


 Love Yankel

The sharks are back!

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/204389-The-chronicles-of-inastruggle?limit=15&start=105#212006

Hello my dear buddies. 

It's been a while since I last posted B'h today i am 141 days clean, I will hopefully describe in a future post what has helped me get to this point!

Anyways lately I have been having some real rough temptations and while I b'h didn't pass my red line and acted out I did have some slips lately. So I decided it's time to get more involved in my recovery, posting on the forum and hopefully helping out others on their journey.

So here is to many happy and sober days to everyone

 Love you all
 Your friend Yankel!

Ouch after a streak of 143 days of sobriety I unfortunately had a full fledged fall anyways I'm realizing as I usually do after my falls "it wasn't worth it" "it was all fake and garbage, with huge consequences" and I don't want to go back to my old days of nonstop falling.

The positive part is these 143 days of sobriety have taught me the proper recipe needed to remain sober which I will break into 4 steps
1. Going to meetings and keeping in touch with people, the power of having connections who can relate to you is huge!
2. Making a proper step one, to truly realize the harm and all the bad that this addiction does and has done to my life. As well as realizing and accepting the fact that I'm sick and since I'm sick "I WILL GET URGES and unwanted thoughts
3. And a good step 3 realizing that since I'm sick, I will get unwanted urges of which I have zero control over as such I will not even attempt to fight them I will let hashem take care of my thoughts and urges for me. 
4. Learning to accept my life on hashem's terms and "stop trying to control all aspects of my life" if I don't like one part of my life and I can't control it I will accept it as hashem's will and "ride the waves" same with urges When I feel terrible and have an urge which I can't control I realize and accept that that's hashem's will and I "will just have to "ride the waves" I can't control that.

Anyways since I'm aware that the next few days will be more challenging I am agreeing for the next 15 days to the following 2 commitments and if I willingly brake these 2 commitments I will give $100 to GYE.

1. Not go on any unfiltered computer whatsoever (besides my work computer, during work hours)
2. Not to use my work computer at all after my working day (as during that time period I'm more prone to fall)

 Anyways Love you all Yankel

 SOBRIETY ROCKS!

Almost 5 months! That's a really good run. So you fell in the water. But the shark hasn't got you yet. Get back on that surfboard and boogie!

Oysh! It's so hard to get back on track after falling. Unfortunately I haven't been good at all lately

 Love you all your friend Yankel

Here is to better days 

I've been having some real terrible days non stop falling...............and feeling real bad and terrible, after feeling real hopelessness I have decided to start attending SA and finally actually start working the program. I have gone to two meetings so far and got myself a sponsor I will hopefully start posting a bit more now.

Anyways today is day #1 of my new count. 

 Love you all Yankel
:peace:Your friend who's life has become unmanageable..........

Yankel

I find the most dangerous days are just after a fall.
You are thrown into emotional turmoil and keep falling to seek comfort.

Once you have gone a few days clean it will get easier.

Iampowerless wrote on 12 Feb 2019 15:34:

Wow! It takes real courage to do that, especially when you were already in a 12 step program.
How have things been going?
Sg

Dear Yankle
Go my friend go just keep on doing the right thing and you will find peace one day it may not be soon but it will come.
I would say I am jealous of you but then other tzadikim here would start telling me I just need to prioritize annd they might be right but I cannot argue here.
please have me in mind when you daven