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Addiction? Anxiety? Something else?
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TOPIC: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 18641 Views

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 23 Dec 2017 20:05 #324132

 I think Cordnoy knows enough about his personal addiction issues, and of many others - probably a heck of a lot more than your frum therapists



And let me tell you somethin' funny

He knows about recovery too- has helped countless guys and gals. And his opinion (highly respected) from what I understand is that whether one is an addict or not, one should not go out and purchase a device with possible pitfalls (it's virtually impossible to have foolproof filtering - ask me - I'm a verified fool) just for the sake of reading some random forum posts or emails of chizuk...

Don’t want to bring up any intense arguments from the past, but just wanted to understand the obvious: why not ensure easy access to GYE? Yes, the idea sounded ludicrous to me as well, but 1) the little I have heard from Cordnoy on the subject gave me the impression that filters aren’t necessarily on his list for essential things for recovery (don't recall details and could have been something personal about my situation), and 2) some tools that need a decent amount of access to GYE seem pretty important (or at least very useful) for some users (i.e., the forum made it on one of your ‘what works for me” list. I do remember you saying that the central and long-term role of the forum is unique in your case, but not sure if this negates my point) 



Don’t mean to quote anybody- and I’m really not (although it would be an honor if Cordnoy deemed this the most ludicrous thing that anyone quoted him for), and I obviously don’t know Cordnoy’s sh*tahs more than you.



Cordnoy didn’t say why it was not a good idea, and I was going on your explanation of it. But in any case, why not? Personally, I don’t have a smart phone because it was too hard not getting access when I had one (which makes GYE usage- even when I want it, not as accessible), and I would like stress to anyone thinking about purchasing one the ridiculous amount of torture and agony the phone gave me at times (which is part of why I thought the idea of getting one sounded ludicrous). This is besides for my urge for wariness of being too dependent on certain things like the forum (I think others with more wisdom might mirror this caution as well) . But if one never (and perhaps there are those who don’t?) have issues with getting through filters, why not (and from what I heard they are tighter since I had one)? What if he would have no access if not otherwise? Why not utilize GYE if it’s an option?



Again, it does sound a little funny, but I’m willing to be the Karbon to ask the question (which isn’t specifically for Markz). Perhaps this is a question in disguise directed towards Markz and Cordnoy on their opinion on the GYE forum/GYE in general/ filters (I apologize if this was spoken about in length already. In that case I would ask the handy dandy Markz to pull up the thread).



 



Hope you’re doing ok Markz. Haven’t connected with you in a while.

 



 



 



 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 23 Dec 2017 20:13 #324133

Sorry. Something went wrong with the last post. Meant to quote Markz from a while back.
Once I'm at it, for got to ask you Mark what you mean by "Cordnoy knows enough about his personal addiction issues, and of many others". Did you mean that he knows enough about many other people's addiction issues or that he knows enough about many of his own personal issues? If the latter can you please delineate? Thank you 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 24 Dec 2017 04:33 #324138

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If my rav knows about my struggle? The answer to this is interesting; I didn't tell him at first (had in plan to tell him about it but since I didn't know if he has experience in that field I kept pushing it off), but here comes in my news that I hinted on Dec 17... (I don't think that somebody remembers, except for mark who remembers everything...) It was on a Friday, I was on the forum (I wasn't in the bathroom since I can't be there all day...) & my wife walked through, I didn't hide it from her for 2 reasons 1) usually she's not looking in to what I'm doing 2) I anyway had in plan to tell her about it one day so I wasn't too careful. But this time was different (was l'tovah as you will see) she looked in to the tablet, I closed the (incognito) tab right away, she asked me what it was, I felt it's not the right time to tell her so I told her that I will tell her later, but she didn't give up so I don't her the name of the site (since I was always in incognito while being on gye I thought she'll never find me there, but I was mistaking..) When I left the house she went on gye & right away she knew that youcan is me... Now read the first post of the thread & try to guess what her reaction was. But the good thing was that by this she figured out that I have a mental issue (or she started to take it more as a main player) so she opened up how she was affected by it. Bottom line (I don't want to write too many details) we're both now in therapy and everybody projects that our lives & marriage will get much better (wasn't very bad till now). The first few days (till we settled on a good therapist for her & till she went for the first session) she was very confused & very emotional so she wanted to talk to my rav so I had to tell him before in short the story... on the phone!...... We agreed that we have to meet about it but it didn't happen yet. I just started therapy with a good therapist ($200 an hour!!! Crazy!) & since I'm convinced that my addiction has to do with my mental issue I'm more focused on this now.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 24 Dec 2017 05:11 #324139

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About the smartphone again;
I follow the advice of NO ONE (except for daat Torah, doctor etc.) if it doesn't make sense to me, and I advise you all to do the same (only if it makes sense of course...) but since I know I'm not the smartest I have to listen to other people's opinion.
I already knew the pros & cons of a smartphone before I asked the question (there's a reason I didn't have a smartphone until now).
A smartphone can be used in so many ways (even with a filter, + there are so many different filters) so you can't afford to say that it's a good idea to get a smartphone to access gye, cuz in many cases it's יצא שׂכרו בהפסידו. Also every person is different, there are people that figure out a way around every filter & there are people that don't, there are people that it may help them & people it may hurt, people that if they don't have access they don't do & people that if they don't have access to filtered internet they may end up getting access to open internet.
For my self I think it would be a big benefit to have a smartphone blocked by TAG with no access to browser social media etc. (I wouldn't even download shopping apps etc.) but since I'm not the smartest I'm not doing it based on MY advice. (I can not ask anyone about it because I (think I) am a unique person & (I think that) very few people know me well)

A filter has nothing to do with recovery, but it's a must have (at least) until you've fully recovered. (My understanding). In fact it's one of the items on GYE's checklist.

[BTW, I like to learn everything, but I never learned computer programming etc. cuz I know that if I learn it a filter will no longer stop me from accessing things that I shouldn't have access to]

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 24 Dec 2017 05:20 #324140

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Back to business...
Tomorrow I will break my previous record of 11 days!
I hope that now it will be once and for all, but I'm not crazy enough to believe it.
I'm happy with what I've accomplished so far (I like that gye tells you "cumulative clean days" so you see what you've accomplished even if you fell, I have 36 BH) but I would not be happy if I stay like this...

Wishing you all the best, happiest & holiest week!

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 24 Dec 2017 06:13 #324144

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Strange.  It's 1:13am on Dec 24 and your post was posted in 7 minutes.


editedit:  my keyboard stutters on this site.  That's correctly strange,  but the time thing (at just in this case)  makes sense.  The GYE forum doesn't keep DST.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 24 Dec 2017 06:16 by bb0212. Reason: It's all making sense now

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 24 Dec 2017 10:57 #324147

Glad to hear that your situation is set up. That is a milestone that others would be envious of. 
Hope everything works out.
Hatzlacha. 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 25 Dec 2017 07:04 #324161

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It's now 2 am but I can't sleep. I gotta get up 6:45 but I can't sleep. I had a very rough day emotionally/mentally. I feel very bad about my life, I hate the fact that I was born. The only positive thing I can think of now is that I didn't act out. I don't have a feeling for anything, I even had to push my self to post here.
I don't know if somebody is interested or can help me here, but I have nobody to talk about it (except for one that is willing to listen to me once a week in exchange for $200). I believe/hope that things will get better in the future but meanwhile it's very hard.

I hope you all had a better night & I wish you all the best.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 25 Dec 2017 15:18 #324171

I have been in that middle-of-the-night-situation countless of times. I truly feel your pain and I hope you got through it ok. I also in the past had the low feeling that the only person I can speak to was on condition that there will be some money in exchange at the end. It stinks.
But try not to depend on the GYE forum as a life-line to instantly comfort you at such a late time, or any time for that matter. I have made that mistake in the past and when I didn't get it I looked for other means of more attainable comfort...
I wish you luck on your bumpy road ahead and I wish you luck at having 'not acting out' not as the sole positive thing, but as part of a positive life in general. 
Substantial help I am in no sort of place to really give, but if you want to know if anyone is interested.. that's easier on my part. I am interested because I have been there. Its hell. I hope you get the help that you need- both through money exchange and through other means as well. 
How did your night end up btw? 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 25 Dec 2017 15:55 #324172

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Thanks for replying.
I ended up falling asleep between 4:30 & 5, but this was my only fall I didn't act out & it wasn't very easy (it wasn't as hard as before I started the 90 days). When I got up (not 6:45...) I felt better.
It's not the first time I had such a night but I didn't have it in a long time so I felt even worse about it that it came back.
I'm trying not to depend on the forum (it's not very active so it's anyway not enough) but I have to replace the bad things I used to watch in that situation, so far my only thing is the forum.

Thanks again & hatzlacha rabba.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 26 Dec 2017 00:07 #324189

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shmirashachaim wrote on 25 Dec 2017 15:18:
I have been in that middle-of-the-night-situation countless of times. I truly feel your pain and I hope you got through it ok...

Thanks shemira for the support as you often rockup with
Hows life in your side of the woods?

In other news - to answer what you asked about what I wrote on page 1 of this thread. Well... let's look at the facts on the ground - did getting a phone, help a brother find real sobriety?

My phone is quite super Kosher as they come, but it was only through a lot of heartache that it's clean at this point. I went thru many trials and falls and errors..

Unfortunately Apple or Android phones don't usually come preconfigured for gye sexaholics that don't want to be tested by their devices, so to advise someone that seeks sobriety, to get a phone for the highly unlikely benefit of this forum or something similar is ludicrous and definitely if Cordnoy says so
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Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 26 Dec 2017 02:52 #324193

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I'm not blaming Apple & Android since I don't have a phone from them. I rather blame the person who decided to add a SD card slot to my not so smart phone, cuz I figured out a way to remove the internet blocking/filter & then reinstalling it with an SD card...
I had to wait for a holy minute (arrived after a massive fall) when I decided to fill the slot with glue...

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 26 Dec 2017 20:11 #324214

Glad to hear you made it through. 
Keep it up and keep your head down and asleep on the pillow at 2:00AM. 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 26 Dec 2017 20:49 #324216

Thanks Mark. Can't say too amazing though. Would like to post on my thread where ever it is when I get a chance. 
If your phone can access GYE then it is not as kosher as they come. The proof is lying next to me with a big מאושר on the front: the maskana of my trials and errors (and I'm not tech savvy like you). 
It is funny (or not) once you mention Apple not being geared for guys like us. It reminds me when I called up Apple support to see how I can block obvious loopholes in their restrictions. When she asked I told her it is for my kid. Mid-way through the conversation she exclaimed, " you must got quite a smart and committed kid over there". Go figure.
BTW I think I heard that covenant eyes has a new program geared towards tightening up smart phones. Not sure what it entails though.
Thanks

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 26 Dec 2017 23:23 #324224

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From all the filters etc. that I know TAG has the only filter designed by Jews for Jews & with Jews in mind. All the secular filters are designed for kids & workers, so it is only blocking things that they don't want them to see. For Jews (the kind of Jew I want to be) this is not enough. TAG has a very sophisticated filter & you can customize it to your needs. I was surprised to see here that there are Jews that don't know what TAG is..
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