Hey Everyone!!!
 I posted on GYE once b4 around pesach time, I was clean for around a month. Then every 3, 4 days. Unfortunately, not fully understanding how to work it. I started in middle of the handbook with giving it enough clear thought. This past Tuesday, 6 days after a build up of a few weeks of gaining understanding,  I spoke with a mentor I am close with. Restarted the 90 day challenge taking it one moment at a time. And set up a taphsic method I can work with. At the same time, I listened to recordings, about gender wholeness and realized that my whole life is based on mispercieved on who I am, what they are 2 society and how somehow we both are still part of society.

my question is as follows: Am I royally doomed and should start right away with something like 12 steps right away or realizing that b4 pesach, I used to masturbate like 5, 6 times a day. Now I have slowed down considerably. So I am getting somehere, yes I do have guilt/ charata not shame?

seeing myself in a different light, I have been clean for the last 6 days thus far. I do, however still have fantasies about acting out I did in the past. 
what does all the above mean, I am open to suggestions, ideas and like and that is why I came here.

one more thing that I want to mention the Chasam Sofer in this past weeks parsha about submitting oneself to Hashemi ( like step 1) and that is how haba ltaher works, you can't battle anything yourself, not just lust. Without God the yetzer hara who is the malach hamaves. Would have killed us already.

once again thank you for your insight 

Welcome (back)

What the above means: You need to be honest with yourself about that 
But based on what was written (I am sure there is much that wasn't)...
Get a sponsor and definitely drop the religious stuff for now .... 

1) how can a sponsor accomplish something that the mind is trying so hard to push.

2) I don't push religious things too mucheap for now. But that what helped me start restructuring my day, week, and life in general 

Redeemed @ 21 wrote on 04 Sep 2017 10:51:

The mentor has sexaholicsm recovery experience?

No. But he is a mentor who has helped numerous issues of many people. Including helping me with some of mine that is I felt comfortable opening to him about this Nisayon of lust.
I also took advice from above and signedup for a sponsor. I understand that they are not always available, but how long does it take to get one

Welcome (back)

​Thanks for your post.

What happens to many of us, it can take many days, week, or even months, that we can really know ourselves, and get an honest look on what the issue is for real. Therefore we try this and that, and we get to learn what we are facing and start to deal with it.

while I went and consulted at 3 times through out my 17 years of acting out with three different rabunim/mentors. all of them are smart. But none of their advice was able to help me get over this! why? At that time i thought i am telling them the truth. But, how can I tell them the truth before i am telling myself the truth. Their advice was applicable to the question i posed before them. However that was not my real problem. the same problem will be when i will go to a therapist and will hide from myself and/or him the truth, then he wont be able to help me. However therapist in general, and especially addiction therapists will know to read between lines and to fish out what really is going on.

so, welcome back, and lets start talking and reading here on the forum, perhaps you will find yourself in one of my or someone else posts, and then get to know yourself, and then you may find what may be helpful to you.

Wishing you lots of Hatzlacha on your journey 

Redeemed @ 21 wrote on 04 Sep 2017 12:05:

1) I cannot answer for sure as I do not have experience however based on what I have heard from Dov and from the Chevrah here is that A sponsor is someone who is not us and that is the key to how they help us.

2) If it works KUTGW

By the way getting a sponsor from here might take awhile 
Your best bet is either from live groups if you go or call Dov or Duvid Chaim or the like

Continued Hatzlacha

Welcome back. It should be with hatzlocha. Looks like you sincerely want to get out of this mess and want to do whatever it takes. Maybe start by speaking with some of the oilam here that has seen some success.