To all you people who have read my personal note and wondered what I meant, I will try to explain.

The last few days have been tough, not in a lustful matter, just real life. 
B"H, I am getting better at Shmiras Eineim, I don't have lustful thoughts. I still wake up almost every morning with an erection, but I ignore it and don't think twice about it. For me that is just part of life.

I know intellectually that B"H I am blessed with so much good, and unfortunately alot of people have real issues. However in practice, it is hard to let go of my personal issues.

The last few days, I have been under the weather, due to allergies and seasonal changes, Also, I have been under alot of financial worries and emotional stress.

Last night, I wanted to just browse the web. Go on to some of my old generally clean sites and just read a little. B"H I realized that if I do that I will get sucked in to the chain of acting out. 

I know I cannot stop myself once I see porn, or right before that. I need to stop myself 3-4 levels away. B"H I was successful to do that Yesterday.

Hatzlocha Rabba!

I know the topic of wet dreams has been brought up numerous times in the past, and the consensus of people is not to consider it as a fall.

I had a wet dream last night and I resetted my count. I have two theories why it happened. Yesterday evening, I was browsing a document\book sharing site for research. I encountered a document which was amatuer erotica. Instead of closing it right away, I ended up reading about 5 minutes. It was pretty boring and I didn't get aroused at all by it, however it perhaps had an effect subconsciously at night.
Or it is possible, since I had fallen asleep with my clothing perhaps I slept in a compromising position. 
Either way it doesn't really matter. I'm not feeling down about it. Just posting to have a record to look back at.

B"H, I haven't looked at porn or actively masturbated for about a month already. I feel like I am in a much better place than last year. I just need to keep doing what works for me and not worry about anything else.

I'm posting the below, mainly as a Chazura to myself, however I have seen others also struggle with the following, so perhaps this might help them as well.

Sometimes after being clean for a short while, we wonder where is the Siyata D'Shmaya? Where is the הבא לטהר מסייעין אותו? Sometimes not only doesn't it get easier, it actually gets harder. We start questioning Hashem ח"ו, etc...
It is important to remember that habits formed for many years, either addictive or not, do not go away in a few days or even in 90 days. We need to keep working day in day out.

Looking forward to a great Shabbos! (and Erev Shabbos, too!)
Hatzlocha Rabba!
Git Shabbos

lionking wrote on 11 May 2018 13:44:

The idea of resetting or not resetting can be a an important question for many people. It is for me. 
I strongly believe that a person when confronted with this question should consult with their sponsor/partner and think it over well.
Some times it's truly best to begin afresh. Other times you just need to still be in the game.

yiraishamaim wrote on 11 May 2018 16:03:

I understand the pro's and con's of both options.
I'm still in the game.
Thanks!

Lionking,
I really respect your honesty and desire to do what is right. I debated commenting the last time you reset your count because of a wet dream and now I will comment. I will first share the comment in general and then describe my personal experience with it.
The חפץ חיים in the הקדמה, after describing how powerful the יצר הרע for speaking לשון הרע is, and how he tries to get you to think it is מותר,  discusses how the יצר הרע reverses tactics when he doesn't get anywhere.I think this is something that might be relevant over here and I will explain my personal experience.  Before I came to GYE 8 months ago, I was only operating with Halacha, if you look at something while walking in the street that you shouldn't it is equally assur as looking to look at something you shouldn't, there was no gray areas and no degrees to anything. This was very not good as it allowed me to go further than I should have many times.

Since I have accepted the GYE rules of slips and falls and 3 second rules etc., my entire outlook on all this has completely changed. From time to time I do have feelings like whoa, I just looked at that longer than I should have, but I tell myself, that since I am on GYE I will go with their rules.

I think that if your count is on GYE, you might want to consider going with their rules. It could be that you want to make your own count with your own rules and that might help you, but personally I think it is dangerous for everyone to start changing rules based on feelings etc, however valid they may be, because then the whole framework that I and many others rely on will be lost.

I do think it is valid to raise an issue with the policy deciders that maybe wet dreams should be counted as resets, but if the consensus is not to, I think it may be worth thinking about following the same rules as the rest of us.
I hope you are not offended by anything that I wrote, if you are I apologize in advance.

heemircha wrote on 11 May 2018 18:11:

Thanks for your post!
I am totally not offended at all, and please in the future don't refrain from posting even if you are certain that I will get offended. Growth cannot take place if people are trying to sugar coat me, and protect my feelings.

B"H both last time and this time, I haven't felt the feeling you are describing about Yiush. However I understand it can happen.

I will try to stick to GYE rules going forward. For this time, I think GYE dictates I should reset, not for the wet dream but for the erotica.


5 Minutes is more than 3 seconds.
Perhaps I am mistaken here as well.

Hatzlocha Rabba

lionking wrote on 11 May 2018 18:32:


I still can't decide if I should consider it a fall or a slip. It wasn't intentional however I did linger on it for a couple of minutes. I really thought it over, over Shabbos, and do realize that Heemircha is correct. Deep down if I consider it as a fall, I am not totally in the game. I can sometimes think, "You know what, you fell anyways, might as well go all the way."

What is the consensus of people here? Should I erase this fall and keep my streak going?

Thank you!

No fall.

This may not be what you are asking, but this is what came to mind when I read your post. 

I actually think alot of people would benefit from a more lenient sobriety definition (think SA's).

Over time, I found that I can't live with much lust at all. But that took time. 

Thanks Cordnoy,
I was leaning towards that side. Just wanted a second opinion.

Heemircha raised a valid point about rules being in place. I think this is the first time I actually read the 90 days rules.
That got me thinking, usage of any program is with the understanding that I will abide by it's rules. How about the forum rules? I read it now. It is worthwhile to read it even if you have done so in the past. Here is the link:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/rules
Hatzlocha Rabba!

Ihavestrength wrote on 13 May 2018 13:21:

Isn't SA's sobriety definition the most stringent?

I believe SA’s sobriety definition only addresses masturbation and other physical acts, but not porn. 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 13 May 2018 18:38:

From my limited understanding, SA is the only fellowship that includes lust in its sobriety definition.
From www.sa.org/sexaholic/ :


I'd think watching porn falls under lusting, no?

edit: doesn't really matter at this point, my intention in my original post was just to point out that I didn't think SA has a lenient sobriety definition. Which may or may not be correct after all.
Back to you lionking, hope you find a sobriety definition that works for you

Also, relating to your mention of the forum rules, there's a couple additional interesting posts on this thread, worth reading: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/24319-RulesGuidelines-for-Using-the-GYE-Forum

I’m not sure if SA considers it a fall though, in fact I don’t know if they have any hard-and-fast rules or if it’s at the discretion of you and your sponsor. In any case, they are probably still not as strict as GYE, which was the point of IHS’s post. 

SA is still stricter than the other “S” groups, (SAA, SLAA etc.)