I really don't know if I can post once a day but I'll try. Here is a little more about me. I really haven't figured out yet if I'm addicted or not, and for the truth of rhe matter I really don't think it matters to know. My goal is to start living and getting out of the negative rut which I sometimes find myself. I tried to really get to know myself. I suffer from a low self-esteem/inflated ego. (I know it sounds like a paradox, but I honestly think they are co-related.) I tend to have sometimes mild depressive states when I feel like I'm a piece of bad word deleted. My acting out triggers are stress, feeling down, tired, system imbalance, etc... 
When I'm all fine I can go long periods of time without a struggle. My current goal is to start living and appreciating life every moment as it comes. To realize that everything is from Hashem both good and bad and to accept his will.

Hay lionking, welcome back to our community, stay strong,  we are at your side, we won't let you fall, will support you any time its needed, you just let us know and we will escort you. You are at the right place. 

Welcome to the new you! You sound like you have figured out a lot over your time here in your prior incarnation. Best wishes for good tidings. 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 24 Apr 2017 00:59:

Darn. And I've been lazy as of late.

Enjoy your 9!

Welcome back!
Happy counting! 

Thanks everyone for your support. Today was a hard day. Put in 14 hrs at work was busy non stop, Didn't feel accomplished. Don't get any recognition or extra pay for it. Just had too much going on. Definitely a trigger "friendly" day. Got an urge to watch a movie but didn't act on it. Hopefully tomorrow will be calmer. Looking forward to Shabbos!

Woohoo! Go you!

14 Hours? Gosh. I think your reward will come in ways you don't even know

Nah, I've done this a couple of times before. I gave up looking for a reward. It is not healthy for me to expect anything from other people. It was a little rewarding to wake up now after 4 hrs of sleep in a better state of mind and thank God I haven't used the negativity and stress as an excuse to act out. Trying to live life including it's stressors and to recognize that they are from Hashem. Good Shabbos!

Welcome. Best wishes for success. Keep posting and iyh you will get there. Have you tried exercise as a stress reliever?

HHM, I was going to report your post to the moderator. How dare you to even suggest exercise?! Don't you know I'm a top model for the couch potato? I had for the past few years, free membership at a popular gym and didn't even bother to check the place out. 
(I'm just kidding about the first two sentences. I welcome every suggestion. The part about being inactive is true.
)

HHM, Thanks for the welcome. I appreciated it. I'm not yet a chronic poster, but I'm starting to give my fingers some typing exercise.

II slipped, but Thank God I didn't fall. I'm not sure if it would be beneficial to reset my count. I'm going to set a parameter, litmus test of sorts, if I slip once more like this in the next 7 days, I would consider it a fall and reset my count.
This past week/weekend was a real struggle. I ticked off every box of potential triggers. With tge Grace of Hashem I passed. Can't say my passing grade, since there were times that I was irritable with wife and kids. Overall I was OK. This morning I was overtired, and wasted close to two hours lusting, searching for stimulating subjects. My phone is filtered to an extent, so nothing really rated came up. But my mind was definitely not in a healthy place. I was almost going to bypass my filter, which used to be the standard next step. But only through Hashem's help, did I stop myself and went ahead to do other things. It totally wasn't me that stopped. I couldn't have done it. It must have been the מסיעין אותו at work here. I expressed my gratitude to Hashem for his help and started focusing on the blessings I'm blessed with. I must learn to identify these moods and get into a proper mindset before I fail the next test.

B"H I'm in a much healthier state of mind now. Yesterday was though. Wife was snapping on everything and everybody. I ended up responding back in pretty ok way. Got to hear how it is normal for her to have such a mood once in awhile, and how she feels when I'm in those moods. Didn't have a response for that. It was a good wake up call.
Must have been a really powerful wake up call, Since I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep. As they say: "Life goes on..." Spent some quality time with my kids this afternoon and Wife offered to be available tonight, however we both knew she is too tired. Nothing will happen if I wait for a more opportune time.
Sex is optional, bonding and spending time together is not optional.

Great observations. And don't you feel good that you had the self control to delay the sex?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 May 2017 03:54:

I'm still not in control. Everything is from the Higher Power.
I used to delay it even when I didn't have control and ended up Masturbating instead of doing it when my Wife was too tired, not in the mood. 
I'm still not ready to start feeling good about myself. Still got tons of work to do.

We all have tons of work to do, but give yourself a pat on the back for the advances you made.