Rav elya lopian said 63 things to that poor bachur.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 09 Feb 2017 22:57:

Great advice! 

I do have a tendency to "check out" the kallah. Why are we all am I standing, staring at her? I may steal some of this advice for next time.

You are supposed to stand up for the Kallah when she walks in to the Chupah (and the Chosson too, and a baby being brought in to his Bris etc.). But you can just stand for a moment as she passes and sit right back down. And stay facing forward. 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 10 Feb 2017 11:50:

In the olden days, I believe, they stood up and sat down. It's not like the halachah of a rebbe to stand until he is by his seat. Someone told me that reb aharon didn't stand at all. I asked one of his grandsons, a rosh yeshiva, and he shrugged his shoulders. Someone compared it to the mitzvah of bikkurim. 

Just random thoughts above. Of course, noI halachic rulings.

Yup, the Mishna at the end of Bikkurim is the source for standing up for someone who is doing a Mitzva.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 10 Feb 2017 14:37:

Which is why it's somewhat strange that this custom doesn't seem to apply by other mitzvos, such as shakin' a lulav, makin' kiddush, givin' tzedakah,  puttin' on tefillin, etc.

It seems to be something special about someone on the way to do a Mitzva, even more than the actual time of the Mitzva itself. We stand when the Chosson/Kallah walk in, but not during the actual Kiddushin. Perhaps when the person is on the way but hasn't started actually doing the Mitzva, he needs more Chizzuk and that's why we stand in his honor.

Hey Mr. Clean, maybe while you're bored during the Chasunah you can write up a Shtikkel Torah on the subject...

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 10 Feb 2017 14:58:

Go back to my question above and insert "on the way to" in front of all those mitzvos.

Perhaps, as a joke, we can introduce a chumra that one should stand whenever he sees a Jew, for he is most probably on his way to perform a mitzvah.

After it's all said and done, if standing up for the kallah is going to pose a nisayon for you during this stage of your recovery, we can assume Hashem would prefer you sit. Like advised before, don't be busy focusing on/being nervous about what may or may not bother you. Just skip it and enjoy the simcha.

I think it is davka for a mitzva that doesn't come often.  Getting married is hopefully one of them .

(although, I suppose bikkurim comes once a year, so maybe we could say the same about once a year mitzvos, tzarich iyun)

Thanks everyone for the tips and tricks on how to handle the wedding. It will definitely make things easier for me knowing I can post my success (hopefully) to the forum. 

I hope to hear great things from you!

Hey
Glad to be able to report the wedding went well. That's not to say it was easy for me but I got through it OK.
I have been thinking a lot lately now that I have joined this site, about what caused me to fall so hard back into watching porn after I got married. I think finally putting it into writing will be good for me and if other people can relate or comment all the better. I think a lot of my problem stems from resentment and a need to feel like I am doing something for myself, allow me to explain. I got married to a girl who as it turns out had a very low level of self esteem due to her mother not being the best role model to put it lightly. My wife needed to see a therapist because she was scared whenever I touched her. B"h therapy did wonders for her but during that time I was in hell. I was so close to finally having a kosher outlet,yet it was so far.
I started working pretty much right after I got married because the money which we were promised had just been a promise and nothing more. We had our first child and somehow the job of waking up in middle of the night to take care of him fell on me. The combination of working, keeping up with school work and waking up every 3 hours took a real toll on me. It was around then that I really started watching porn again. As much as I tried explaining to my wife that I was drained her response was always that she is also drained. I needed an outlet and porn was my first choice. I was upset at my wife and my mother-in-law and myself, not a great combination. Once I started watching it was downhill, I was right back where I started from. I kept asking myself if I had married the right girl and if maybe it would just be easier to get divorced. Once life settled down a little, things got easier except I was still resentful at a lot of people and I was watching porn on regular basis. Letting go of the resentment had been a big part of helping me stop. I think i have written enough for now I will add more later. Sorry for the long post but like I said this helps me feel better and stay clean.

So happy for you it went well, i also had to handle a wedding this week.
And so happy for you that you are seeing the core reasons and having this conversation with yourself.
You should be matzliach!

Happy that the wedding worked out.  Seeing your post makes one realize that you have gone through a lot. It says a lot about you that despite all that, you are dealing with the issues head on. Posting is therapeutic plus it invites responses of chizuk. Some of us find it even more beneficial to speak with someone. Continued hatzlocha with your journey!