Yeah, Yid FromMonsey. falling is a bad trip. Especially when you describe a nice run of clean days then an especially rough nose dive. Unfortunately, been there myself.
But sucking on your wounds for very long and being UNGABLUZIN regardless of the fact that it is very understandable won't fix you.

Remember this my friend whatever you've done, there have been others that have done worse and today are sober for years.

Keep the faith, stay loyal to your dream and of course  follow a proper program.
The ride at times is bumpy but long term recovery is attainable.
We are all rooting for you!

Time for an update;

Nothing really changed besides that the down slope keeps on getting deeper and deeper with no bottom in site and with no light at the end of this downhill slippery tunnel. With the encouragement of a few tzadikim I decided to join SA, was already to 2 meetings, hope this will be the answer....

Will keep you posted dear friends.

YidFromMonsey wrote on 14 Nov 2016 17:57:

Nice.
 pleaseI do.

YidFromMonsey wrote on 14 Nov 2016 17:57:

This can be a big step for you. Keep us posted.

Shlomo24 wrote on 15 Nov 2016 01:51:

I agree with mr Big Steps

Feeling really low today, I fell to a whole new deep level yesterday, hope that this is my rock bottom and from here on I should know only from growth and sobriety.

Don't give up friend, you can get out of there.
Yes YOU can.

​We just gotta be serious about it.

YidFromMonsey wrote on 16 Nov 2016 19:55:

Amen!

btw have you spoken to dov recently

Spoke to him once about 2 weeks ago.

Finally, we're back on the road

I thank Hashem for a sober yesterday (day 1 of current streak) and I beg Him for many more sober days to come, 1 day at a time.

Hey everyone, this is day 5 and every second of the past 4 days is a miracle on it's own, I don't do ODAAT, but rather OSAAT .

let me be honest about it, I entered SA and STILL FELL deeper than ever before when I was already in the program, just getting in the room didn't do anything for me (besides for opening my eyes to the fact that there are many people who don't hate themselves - as I truly couldn't stand myself - for having this addiction) till my sponsor got me to start working step 0 and step 1.  

What can I say, I feel reborn again, but this time with the understanding that there's nothing wrong with me and that it's not my fault that I'm sick and there's no way for me to get healed from this sickness, however, there is a way for me to makes sure that my sickness doesn't ruin my life, and that is to keep going to meetings and work the steps.

Thank you all tzadikim on here (you know who you are), I'd never get this lifesaving information without gye and all of you who offered a listening ear and advice,  I'm truly grateful to all of you.

I got lots of more stuff to say, especially after attending Harvey's workshop, but we'll leave it for some other time.

Have a great day ya all!

Interesting question guys;

I went back and read my first post here, the thing is that I'm now in SA and I admit that I'm a powerless addict, but that post was written before I came to terms with my addiction and I had it all wrong, so here's my question, should I edit that post and fix it up to reflect my real story, or should I leave that as is and rewrite my story from scratch based on my current understanding of mysef?

I'd like to hear your imput.

Thanks

We are not here to clean up the mess we made

Gd decides what gets cleaned up and when

Also it's tremendous inspiration for guys to read threads and see progress, and yours was very very fast - Ashrecha!!

Its our job to KEEP ON TRUCKING and you're doing awesome!

Thanks Markz,

Let me rephrase my question;

Will it be more beneficial for readers of this forum if I edit that post or will it be more beneficial if I rewrite my story?

From the 12 promises: "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." In my recovery I have learned to accept who I was in the past. I was doing the best that I could for the ability that I had. And that's ok, even if I cringe when I read what I have written. Like when I thought my addiction was worse because I have "SSA." Ouch. 

P.S. IMHO you're putting too much thought into a darn post. You do you, we aren't exactly splitting the sea here. You got it "all wrong" as you say. Nu? So what? Who gives a hoot? Just keep on working a program and keeping healthy, GYE isn't exactly the most important thing in life. (I say this without an ounce of judgment or meaning to be harsh, it's just an opinion). 

Hatzlacha.