Sorry submitted too early. 
I am open with one of my close friends, but this while thing has defiantly put me in isolation as some of my friends have commented on, and as I wrote about earlier.
I am slightly lonely, but I think it's more of a feminine thing that I need (that's part of the "dying to get married". Birshusi put it well on his thread; its just the need to have someone to love and to care for. 
I have a lot of tools, but I think I may need to shift my view on addiction: accept that I'm an addict and start surrendering, not fighting. Just need some guidence. I guess this kind of goes against the title of my thread "this will not define me". I'm a little confused about the whole addmission and surrendering aspect if the twelve steps. 

Btw, I am looking for a partner (although I got enough study partners!) and a sponsor. If you are interested or have any ideas, please contact me.

Make it a great day!

I originally posted this on the 'testimonials' thread:
 On one Motzai Shabbos I was really turned on and I needed to watch some Shmutz, but I don't have a smartphone. So I went to a store near me (the only one that was opened that late) and picked a smartphone that I wanted to buy, but it was out of stock. I tried the next one, nothing going. This major store did not have one smartphone!
I was blown away! 
I realized that " yesh Baal habayis libirah zu"!

Welcome to GYE!

We're looking forward to getting to know you.

-A fellow proud chabadnick

Ok. So alot has happened since I last posted about 2 and a half weeks ago: I have joined Dov's Desperados conference call, started on the Taphsic method (and have seen some initial success!!), and became more optimistic about my chances of recovery.
I'm looking for a partner who is in a similar situation, so if you have any leads please email me at proudchabadnick@gmail.com, or messege me. I'm also looking for a sponsor.

I would just like to give a Big thank you to all of the people who haved reached out to me so far and have taken time from there precious schedules: Dov, skeptical, one day at a time, and Happy Guy, you have all helped me, and although I may never meet you I really am grateful for your help and support. Continue helping other guys, and dont be Nispoel if they give you the cold shoulder initially.

I'm also thinking about if I'm in addict or not. Initially I was sure that I was, but now I'm having doubts, so I'm going to go full force with the Taphsic method and hope for the best.
 

Great to hear about your progress.

Something that helped me a lot in my own thoughts about whether I'm an addict or not was thinking about whether I'd want to stop if I wasn't religous. It isn't conclusive because even if you wouldn't stop you may be an addict who hasn't hit rock bottom but it may add some clarity.

Hatzlacha!

Nick you make Chabad Proud, and us too

Keep up the great TRUCKING!!!

   I've found that letting go and reminding ourselves who gave us these nisyonos, HASHEM, he loves and believes in us and if we daven to him, or beg of him to give us siyateh dishmaya it really helps fill that void and see yeshuos.

proudchabadnick wrote on 10 Jul 2016 02:42:
Funny that you put those 2 together. Dov is not a fan of Taphsic. But, whatever workds for you. Keep us posted.

To Gibbor120: I know that Dov is not a major fan of the Taphsic method, but I wanted to give one last chance to the more conventional methods before I admit insanity. BH so far I'm 5 days sobor (which hasn't happened in 4 years) and trying to keep it up. I know that even if I hit 90 days I won't be cured, but I'm keeping my hopes up.

Ok guys I'm starting the 90 day challenge!!! You can follow my progress in that forum.

Wishing you much luck on your journey:) take it one step at A time and keep climbing!

Rooting for you buddy!