Hi, I haven't posted in years but couldn't help but see myself in ur story. I'm 21 now been struggling for almost 10 years now and I'm known as a great guy, and it kills me and its always on my mind like the ad for gye "if only they really knew" referring to my rebbeim as well as my friends. Listen I'm not a pro like the rest of these posters but all I can say is u need too program in ur head that ur gonna do it and work on it it has to be on ur mind always the will to fight it and even if u see a attractive girl and look if its so engrained in ur mind that, that's it! ur stopping urself and working on urself  u will know to look away ( def easier said than done) but for me this Bain haz I decided that's it its about time no more j off and I'm fighting it with all my strength and so far bh it's working and some times the Taava is so strong I wanna kill myself but lmasa the willpower so far has won. Wishing u the most hatzlacha in ur battle sorry for the long post had to get it out don't even know If it made sense

"GYE EMS PATROL"
has been summoned



You willed to kill yourself and willpower has won

Your addiction is now under control

Cool!
No?

I texted him that we need to sit down and speak about something that I've been struggling with for a long time. He said he'd love to sit down and see if he can help. As I wanted, he suggested it be when we come back after Pesach so we can do it in person. 
I think that got the message across enough without going too strong. I didn't want him to be thinking about it the whole 2 weeks a especially if we can't really do much now anyways. 
I told him that I've been pushing it off for too long and that I don't want to anymore. 

In my mind it's set up well. I think I got the message across.

Birshusi wrote on 20 Apr 2016 23:13:

I'm not a pro, but have been doing better in the struggle lately, and can't help myself from chirping in on this one.

L'maisah, isn't there a big difference between shmiras Anaiyim of the "eye-candy" in a (Kosher?) supermarket and Frum girls in their cars and between the explicit pornography and compulsive masturbation that brought most of us to this site (I hope you don't mind my bluntness).  And I don't mean because one is a more חמור Aveirah than the other.  In my view, using the tools and support from GYE are essential to avoid looking at women that will be triggering for us and lead us to act out.... because we know how much our lives are destroyed by guilt, pain, shame, depression, and whatever else when we start to act out.  Because for many of us, our patterns of acting out have become habit, and we find ourselves unable to rely on self-discipline and normal boundaries.  Because we are walking in territory that we never dreamed of being in.  Learning to live "clean" and "sober" from these behaviors is the goal, at least for me.  

I confess- I checked out at least 3 women yesterday for longer than I should have.  But I did not focus on them too much in my mind, and I did not think about them when I got home.  I also did not use porn last night because of those women.  Worrying about the aveirah of checking out a clothed woman is too much for me right now, and will get in the way of what I really need to do - learn how not to obsess over women as I go about my life and when I enter my bathroom or bedroom at night.  If I can make progress in this, then BE"H I will work on my Zehirus for regular shmiras ainayim.  

abd297 wrote on 21 Apr 2016 14:30:


I think you did amazing. Sixteen years ago I thought about doing the same thing, but I didn't have a Rebbi and thought about opening up to a Rebbi who was supposed to be good at this but I didn't. Things would have been very different if I had.

You should be very proud of yourself!

Thank you. Not to sound antisocial, but texting has really opened up my world of recovery. I can say things that I would have never actually been able to say out loud. It has been the doorway for some real discussion and help in person and not. 

I guess that's turning something dangerous into something good. People usually say the same regarding people texting bad things. 

Markz, I guess that's called being under control for now but doesn't mean I hav it all under control like cured cuz still gotta use all my inner strength and the Taava will only get stronger. I mean does it ever go away??

For some reason it's not racist to repeatedly use the word white

why?

I wanna say "You're black knuckling go read the black book"

I'll probably get mugged

Hey welcome aboard. This is a great place to be. Cuz were really not alone in this struggle, we just isolate ourselves because everyone is scared what everyone else will think. your story is similar to many people. Have emuna- we got this!!

bestrong wrote on 21 Apr 2016 04:58:

Made perfect sense! What you said about being known as a great guy and deceiving my rebbeim describes my matzav exactly.
My plan for BH was to join GYE as soon as I got home. But I was so busy that I didn't have time to use the compute at all. It was clearly atzas hayetzer, because I have a problem, and besides for buying and reading Zos Brisi, I haven't done much to fight it for real. You're zicher right that you just gotta make sure your mind is dead-set on not looking.

abd297 wrote on 21 Apr 2016 14:30:

Sounds like it'll work out great. Hopefully you'll be more relaxed over Yom Tov knowing it's taken care of.
I need to speak to my rebbi also, but it's hard to do something that I know will change the way he looks at me. I actually spoke to him a while back about shmiras einayim, but it was very general and shallow, without me actually spilling any secrets. Could be it's time to open up...

thanks613 wrote on 21 Apr 2016 16:05:

Everyone on his own level. You're attacking your struggle the way you need to, and that's all Hashem expects from you.
For me though, it's different. I, chasdei Hashem, don't masturbate. Wet dreams are a problem for me, but unless I have an especially awful porn session, I'm not motzei z"l. My problem is the constant, constant mindset of hoping to see attractive women. If they're clothed, it could be too tight, or their face could be pretty. It doesn't matter if they're frum or not; fakert, I find I'm more attracted to frum girls than to goyim. Of coure, it's made worse because if I get triggered, it could lead to porn, but I might watch without any specific triggers also.

Birshusi wrote on 21 Apr 2016 19:52:

Depends on the Rebbe. When I opened up to my Rebbe, he told me he was delighted that I had come to talk to him about it. He really wanted to help me, but wasn't going to bring it up in case he was introducing me to new ideas. (Agav, the funny thing is at that point I still had no idea what m** was so we were talking at cross purposes ).

You have a big zechus for sharing your inspiring story with us. My take-away is the reminder that I want my kids to feel comfortable talking to me about anything.

Hatzlacha!

I don't think I'll have the same issues as you. I'll see how it goes.

abd297 wrote on 21 Apr 2016 20:20:

Which issue?