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Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 13 Feb 2019 16:45 #338939

  • Workingguy
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OTR,

I don’t know if you have to call yourself a latent addict. With accessibility being what it is today, and the porn being immediately rewarding in the short term, having easy access is brutal for anyone. Yes, there are people here who have easy access and perhaps would never touch it, but with temptation close by, it is hard for most normal people not to sin. Throw in that if a person is bored, hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and without something making it harder, it’s too easy to fall.

So I think you’re normal and human. 

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 13 Feb 2019 17:24 #338940

  • otr-otr
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You know I have come to realize the labels don't matter. It's the feeling in your heart. When you feel in control and when you feel safe. As long as you have that, God bless ya. 

A few months back I began to read the Ramban in Emunah Ubitachon every day- there in a few short words he states his opinion that EVEN A RASHA can have bitachon. He bases on the pasuk, בטח בד' ועשה טוב RAmban notes that FIRST is says to trust Hashem. Before doing good. You cna be not good and still have bitachon (I tried for a long time.. it's hard not to become better when you use that as your operative principal). We are not reashaim here. We are good souls that are deficient in vitamin B. Bitachon. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 13 Feb 2019 20:24 #338948

  • mggsbms
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Workingguy wrote on 13 Feb 2019 16:45:
OTR,

I don’t know if you have to call yourself a latent addict. With accessibility being what it is today, and the porn being immediately rewarding in the short term, having easy access is brutal for anyone. Yes, there are people here who have easy access and perhaps would never touch it, but with temptation close by, it is hard for most normal people not to sin. Throw in that if a person is bored, hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and without something making it harder, it’s too easy to fall.

So I think you’re normal and human. 

These realistic words have helped a lot recently.
Aka -  Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 18 Feb 2019 23:47 #339046

  • otr-otr
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I as getting too many emails from gye so I opted out. but I now don't get response notifications. Can someone tell me how I set it to alert me when someone has responded on a thread where I blabbed my head off about what I think? 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 19 Feb 2019 00:31 #339048

  • gevura shebyesod
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Click the Subscribe button for the thread. 
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 19 Feb 2019 00:47 #339049

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Looking back into past years (many many moons earelier) I see posts from guys who are no longer on the forum. Maybe they are doing great now, maybe they are doing terrible... Hard to know if you can't contact them. 

Just a thought, it's nice to see these old posts, and the words of Torah on some of them, the vorts and chizuk... is still there as strong as the day it was written. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 24 Feb 2019 02:37 #339185

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Hey guys.. hope everyone is doing well. I am a little bummed out tonight.. I have a close friend who I have shared a lot of my recovery challenges with lately. And their insight is really helpful. Sometimes just getting it out has been helpful. I don't knowif I can call it a sponsor/sponsee relationship, but the bottom line is it's been really helpful for my recovery. that said.. they are not frum and not holding in life at all... very messed up marriage, messed up life etc... but for me, the conversations have been so helpful. I have not acted out now for almost two months and don't really feel a tug to do so. (Although I thnk I would refer to myself as 'sober', by what I want out of sobriety for a LOT longer. As what I aimed for all along was not to miss my financial obligations to my family, or wind up lashing out in anger at my family bec I have acted out... )

I have not m* or watched porn pretty much for the last 2mmonts more or less and attribute a lot of it to this friend and recently the chats we've had. Anyhow.. when they do stupid things it gets me bummed.. just had to write that... 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 24 Feb 2019 13:45 #339191

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If that's what's working for you, keep it up buddy! Companionship fills up those holes in a real way...... Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 24 Feb 2019 21:16 #339199

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Thanks man. yah. i guess. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 28 Feb 2019 18:41 #339302

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So anyone who knows mw here knows I am not one to rant and rave negativity. I do want to mention though that it is a little peculiar how people introduce themselves often on the site here. Introductions can be something like 

"Hi/ I'm ----- I'm an addict and I am clean for --- days."

I feel that type of introduction  misses the point of what we are here for. Also the whole counting this is very overblown here on the site. Can anyone clarify that they actually ARE (emotionally) more motivated to stay clean when they hit a number of days? I always found that counting never really motivated me and only just made me feel worse when I screwed up. Maybe it is different for others. I just feel counting expecially by the day is not a good idea. It's not like the one extra day under your belt gives you the feeling like 'now you can relax and be free of this addiction'.. just my thoughts. I am presently clean sine about the beginning of January I dont like focusing on it though. I just want to live. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 28 Feb 2019 19:12 #339303

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I agree, the focus on the number alone may be a recipe for disaster. When I'm obsessed with the number, the "monster" in my head just increases based on how long I'm starving it. The focus should be more on the steps one is taking to change his way of thinking, whatever program he chooses to use.
The introduction may however just be coming from the AA/SA rooms, where you introduce yourself with length of sobriety.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 28 Feb 2019 19:16 #339304

  • otr-otr
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I hear that. I have been on SA calls though never attended an actual live SA meeting. When I've met with gye guys it's been less formal and structured. thanks for the thought it does put the intro into a better context for me. 

and ps in the old days e/o here lost their marbles over woodford.. nice to see another tequila lover around! disfruta mi amigo! 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2019 19:18 by otr-otr.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 28 Feb 2019 21:16 #339305

  • mggsbms
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The upside of counting days is that it implies a certain level of sobriety. At least for me this struggle goes through cycles, falling, committing, going clean for a few days, getting triggered again by all kind of things - emotionally and physically, trying to fight it off and then ultimately falling. If one finds a way to break the cycle, then he is obviously doing something different, that is a good thing.

Another point is, the longer one abstains the less he is a slave to lust, it helps in the actual fight. I think these are the reasons why I get down after a fall. 1. The realization that nothing really has changed - more true when I keep on falling. 2. The fact that the struggle is about to get harder again.
Aka -  Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 28 Feb 2019 21:23 #339306

  • otr-otr
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As with so much of our challenge I think it al depepnds on the person and what it means to them. I have done teh exact same thing in the past personally. I guess I need to relize that just because it did not work for me well doesnt mean it can not work for others.  for me the most impactful thing was getting a good filter. After that everything got easier. But before hand I killed myself over this stuff. For now I just want to keep up wiaht I am doing because I am happy. So I felt a little threatened (maybe that is the right way to put it not sure..) or turned off from what I felt ws pressure in the environment. It's all good though.. thanks for sharing your thoughts my friend.
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2019 21:25 by otr-otr.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2019 16:17 #339321

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I personally agree with you, counting may be motivating for some but it doesn't work for me.
there was a Daily dose of Dov on this a while back: 

Might you be pitted against a greater foe than you estimate? One day clean, then three days clean, then one day.... What is happening here? Is it all about racking the days up? Is it a game? I honestly believe that a game is what many folks make it... and strangely, that method may work just fine for them and I have no criticism for them at all.But: is it working for you ?

All my crying, klopping al cheit and wishing I'd succeed does not make me really serious about this 'battle'. Taking it seriously does. And sincerity alone, has never won any battles. I needed real help and to take real measures to start really getting better "inside". Till then, nothing of any real consequence happened. Nothing but ping-pong.... and regarding ping-pong:

A string of clean days once in a while is very nice, but this business of counting the days can sometimes be one of the strongest weapons that tayva/lust addiction/the YH/self-defeating behavior (or whatever you wish to call it) has against you. I believe that the one thing that some of us can do to practically assure that we will fail again and just shlep along till we get really messed up, is to count the days clean. We are just letting the pressure build up without making any true inner change.

I am not posting this to you because it sounds good, nor just because it makes sense to me...but only because I have experienced it myself. Counting seems to be helpful for some people - yet total poison for others.

It starts with one ... and it ends with one .

The days we stay clean do not really 'add up'. They are over as soon as it is the next day. I have never seen a pile of days anywhere? Have you? As the sefer Gesher Hachayim tells us (and as Hashem tells us in the Sh'ma when He says, "Hayom" a few times), our time here is made of one thing: now . The past is over and the future hasn't happened to us yet. So there is no such thing as "being clean for two days," at all. It is just a fantasy.... and fantasy is apparently not your friend, nor is it mine.

It does seem to help other folks, but we need to look at what we are doing and admit if it works, or not, for us.
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