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New member - Colin
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TOPIC: New member - Colin 25369 Views

Re: New member - Colin 04 Feb 2017 23:53 #304884

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Thanks bb02012.

Re: New member - Colin 25 Mar 2017 20:12 #309129

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I fell again.

I was 

Angry
Lonely
Tired

all at the same time.

The key triggers though was I had visited an ex girlfriend in the week.
She has a new boyfriend, was happy and looking great.
There was no intimacy, but it stirred up a lot of feelings for her I thought I had dealt with.

After that I was really on edge and upset.

I sought comfort in the wrong way.

But, onwards and upwards...

Re: New member - Colin 26 Mar 2017 01:36 #309142

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ColinColin wrote on 25 Mar 2017 20:12:
I fell again.

I was 

Angry
Lonely
Tired

all at the same time.

The key triggers though was I had visited an ex girlfriend in the week.
She has a new boyfriend, was happy and looking great.
There was no intimacy, but it stirred up a lot of feelings for her I thought I had dealt with.

After that I was really on edge and upset.

I sought comfort in the wrong way.

But, onwards and upwards...


If the same exact situation occurred, would you be able to be in control? If yes, what would you do & at what point would you do it?
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: New member - Colin 27 Mar 2017 00:40 #309311

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I fell again.
Two days out of three.

After being clean for 52 days.

bb0212

If the same situaton occurs again?

1.) I must try to prevent such a situation happening.

2.) I really have to be stronger willed.
When I feel weak and tempted to fall...

I MUST eat, relax, and do something sociable to improve my esteem.
Low esteem is a major problem and leads to a fall for me.

Re: New member - Colin 27 Mar 2017 02:27 #309316

Singularity wrote on 18 Jan 2017 07:31:

ColinColin wrote on 17 Jan 2017 23:31:
I fell tonight.
I was 

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

All four struck me at once.

Instead of what I did, I should have got home had a hot drink, and phoned a friend.

But in the grip of lust my mind was elsewhere.

Just have to learn that lesson, again.

May you bounce back with alacrity!

Notice how similar this post is to the one you made on 05 July 2016. Now for me, I'm ALWAYS hungry angry lonely tired... but what I'm getting at is have you tried anything different in these last six months? 

If I am doing OK I tend not to log in as I am in a good place.


This place isn't necessarily an insane asylum for degenerates who only come here for treatment and can't wait to leave. I am in the best place I've ever been in my life, BH, and I come here every day. It's about integration, being able to help, give of your own story. Think about it. Hope to see more of you.

Wow, great post! 

Re: New member - Colin 27 Mar 2017 06:51 #309333

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ColinColin wrote on 27 Mar 2017 00:40:
I fell again.
Two days out of three.

After being clean for 52 days.

bb0212

If the same situaton occurs again?

1.) I must try to prevent such a situation happening.

2.) I really have to be stronger willed.
When I feel weak and tempted to fall...

I MUST eat, relax, and do something sociable to improve my esteem.
Low esteem is a major problem and leads to a fall for me.

Not sure if this would help, but here goes.

Can you list all the triggers leading up to the fall?

Once you have a list, break each one down, what can you do to stop the sliding, what to distract with, how to bounce back, etc.

You can have a game plan next time, it may help.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: New member - Colin 27 Mar 2017 07:32 #309338

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Sorry to hear of the falls.

You weren't hungry? Huh. How'd you achieve that?

methinks this HALT thing is becoming a bit too much Torah she'b'ksav.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: New member - Colin 27 Mar 2017 17:26 #309384

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Thanks bb02012

Your advice makes sense.
It really is very much about identifying triggers and how to deal with them.

Singularity

The HALT idea makes sense to me and is strongly identifiable to my struggle.
Those are nearly always my triggers.

As for the hunger...well.....I put a bit of effort into my diet and exercise and try to eat foods which properly nourish rather than a compelling need to always eat.

Re: New member - Colin 08 Jul 2017 22:02 #316889

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I fell after about 66 days clean.

A big part of the problem was that I was getting very stressed in the week leading up to the fall, but I did not realise it objectively.
I just became more and more tired, agitated, overwhelmed with life.

If I could somehow have stepped back and looked at myself from a distance, I would have recognised that a fall was likely and I could have taken some deep breaths, and put a plan into action.

Does anyone have this ability to look objectively at themselves and know when they are in danger?

Re: New member - Colin 09 Jul 2017 05:20 #316901

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If you are routinely communicating with a partner it will inevitably be communicated.

Perhaps this is the modification you should make to your program of sobriety.
Last Edit: 09 Jul 2017 05:21 by yiraishamaim.

Re: New member - Colin 10 Jul 2017 19:50 #316993

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Thanks yirashamaim

I do not have a romantic partner.

And I fell on Shabbat, when it would have not been correct to phone anyone.

In fact, almost irrelevant, as in the state I was in my Yetzer Hora overruled any rational objection I made to keeping sober.
I would not have contacted anyone, I was too far gone mentally, too much in the grip of lust.
That disturbs me.
A "Spirit of insanity" truly ruled me.

And what also disturbs, is that before I fell I had been clean for a while and my life was improving, and now I am very scared I will be punished for my fall by my "mazel" going on a downturn, by having bad luck.

It truly is never worth falling, it messes me up for days afterwards.
Last Edit: 10 Jul 2017 19:53 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 10 Jul 2017 22:59 #317002

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I am moving this repost to this thread because it belongs here
ColinColin wrote on 10 Jul 2017 20:31:
How old are you?

Do you plan to meet a woman to get married to?

It may be that you do not have such a problem.

I am not writing that acting out every night is healthy or halachic, but that if you are in your early 20's then try to find a wife.



Or two

-------------------

EDIT
Since my post was misunderstood, allow me to explain

Colin, Theres nothing inappropriate about being married to 2 wives if one has rabbinic approval

It is inappropriate on a recovery website to recommend ideas which are not tried and tested
Your last 6 posts have been to the effect of "You struggle with Lust? Get married"
That's bad advice for many many guys, and that's a FACT

Please keep sharing what works for you - preferably what tools helped you pass 90+
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Re: New member - Colin 11 Jul 2017 03:17 #317009

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ColinColin wrote on 10 Jul 2017 19:50:
Thanks yirashamaim

I do not have a romantic partner.

And I fell on Shabbat, when it would have not been correct to phone anyone.

In fact, almost irrelevant, as in the state I was in my Yetzer Hora overruled any rational objection I made to keeping sober.
I would not have contacted anyone, I was too far gone mentally, too much in the grip of lust.
That disturbs me.
A "Spirit of insanity" truly ruled me.

And what also disturbs, is that before I fell I had been clean for a while and my life was improving, and now I am very scared I will be punished for my fall by my "mazel" going on a downturn, by having bad luck.

It truly is never worth falling, it messes me up for days afterwards.

Colin, get up, shake off the dust, and move forward. Don't worry about your mazel going downwards. Hashem has great rachmonus and understands our struggles. Iyh you will be matzliach.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: New member - Colin 11 Jul 2017 08:00 #317016

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ColinColin wrote on 10 Jul 2017 19:50:
Thanks yirashamaim

I do not have a romantic partner.

And I fell on Shabbat, when it would have not been correct to phone anyone.

In fact, almost irrelevant, as in the state I was in my Yetzer Hora overruled any rational objection I made to keeping sober.
I would not have contacted anyone, I was too far gone mentally, too much in the grip of lust.
That disturbs me.
A "Spirit of insanity" truly ruled me.

And what also disturbs, is that before I fell I had been clean for a while and my life was improving, and now I am very scared I will be punished for my fall by my "mazel" going on a downturn, by having bad luck.

It truly is never worth falling, it messes me up for days afterwards.

no romantic partner? you will learn here that a release through a partner is insufficient for recovery. 
How many of us are married and still act out. 
couldn't call? good point - there are other coping techniques to learn
a spirit of insanity ruled me -  i know the zombi feeling all too well. but know in hindsight this feeling is also a great crutch -  'cause it gives an excuse - "hey just couldn't help myself" we sort want to get to the place we call- the point of no return - please note that even at that point it's almost impossible not to act out - never totally impossible. As well we are not sensitive to the drunk driver who claims "I was drunk" so I am not responsible that I hurt someone. We cannot allow ourselves to get to a similar place and say - I know am hurting myself and those around me  but i had no choice- a "spirit of insanity just enveloped me and whisked me off to lust city"
Last Edit: 11 Jul 2017 13:17 by yiraishamaim.

Re: New member - Colin 11 Jul 2017 14:09 #317025

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ColinColin wrote on 10 Jul 2017 19:50:
Thanks yirashamaim

I do not have a romantic partner.

And I fell on Shabbat, when it would have not been correct to phone anyone.

In fact, almost irrelevant, as in the state I was in my Yetzer Hora overruled any rational objection I made to keeping sober.
I would not have contacted anyone, I was too far gone mentally, too much in the grip of lust.
That disturbs me.
A "Spirit of insanity" truly ruled me.

And what also disturbs, is that before I fell I had been clean for a while and my life was improving, and now I am very scared I will be punished for my fall by my "mazel" going on a downturn, by having bad luck.

It truly is never worth falling, it messes me up for days afterwards.

I realised by my last fall that i have to put out the flame when its still small, call then someone or think if its really worth getting upset about it. I got stressed last time and after speaking to my therapist he asked me why i got stressed so i told him that i felt offended and i had to defend myself, whereas he told me that if i would have thought about the questions on hand for a few seconds i would have realised that she is not trying to offend me only that the other person is in need of my help. I should have taken my Self out of this and not think so egoistically and just be normal. that would have saved me from alot of headache. 
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