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TOPIC: Divorce 964 Views

Divorce 24 Sep 2015 14:49 #264525

  • Damientweeter
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Sexual fantasies have been a part of my life for so long, that this feels like I'm contemplating a divorce. I had crushes on classmates in elementary and high school, and as my desires became more inappropriate I felt myself retreating into fantasies. The Internet has been a double edged sword, enabling me "keep out of trouble" but at the cost if my faith. In the past I've been able to keep it together for Rosh Hashana and for a couple of weeks after, my goal now is to make a real change.

Re: Divorce 24 Sep 2015 15:44 #264532

  • gibbor120
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Welcome! Making changes, especially in the beginning, can be painful. It is worth it though. Stick around, keep posting/sharing. Many have found freedom. You can too!

Re: Divorce 24 Sep 2015 18:21 #264564

  • MBJ
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Welcome. I can relate to the feeling of divorce. Though for me it felt more like my heart being ripped in two. But in the end it was just a huge tumor that was killing me.

Good luck on your new journey, as gibbor said it is worth the effort.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: Divorce 24 Sep 2015 19:41 #264579

  • cordnoy
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Damientweeter wrote:
Sexual fantasies have been a part of my life for so long, that this feels like I'm contemplating a divorce. I had crushes on classmates in elementary and high school, and as my desires became more inappropriate I felt myself retreating into fantasies. The Internet has been a double edged sword, enabling me "keep out of trouble" but at the cost if my faith. In the past I've been able to keep it together for Rosh Hashana and for a couple of weeks after, my goal now is to make a real change.


Welcome,

I don't really understand the thrust of your post (my fault, as it seems others did), but fantasies were a part of my life for over three decades. Now, in recovery of sorts, I do not let them linger past the first second; they take me to places I have no business enterin'. I have difficulty with my eyes wanderin' in the street and I try to master that as well, but fantasies are immediate poison, and poison is somethin' that is ingrained in me to stay away from (and yes, there are many thin's that people say are poison, and yet, we/I have gleefully enjoyed from, but.......).

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Divorce 24 Sep 2015 23:04 #264592

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Well to start with, my fantasies have gotten me through many nights...

Re: Divorce 25 Sep 2015 03:08 #264607

  • serenity
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I was at the point of thinking I wanted a divorce. What I have learned was that lust killed love for me. Today B"H my marriage is great.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Divorce 30 Sep 2015 05:04 #264870

  • cordnoy
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Damientweeter wrote:
Well to start with, my fantasies have gotten me through many nights...


And kill the days as well.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Divorce 30 Sep 2015 10:44 #264881

  • Damientweeter
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Funny thing is that I have noticed an improvement, but that may be because we are both off from work...

Re: Divorce 30 Sep 2015 20:30 #264904

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The sentiment regarding divorce wasn't really explained.

That fantasies got you through many nights, unfortunately resonates with most of us. The reality is that the fantasies didn't do us any favors. It may have numbed life for a bit here and a bit there, but then life was still there, and we were still miserable.

I think that's what you're really trying to say by bringing up Divorce.
Life is still miserable.

Perhaps, stop trying to "get through the night" by trying to escape it, and try to actually work on life. You'll end up much happier by doing so.

Hatzlacha!

Re: Divorce 01 Oct 2015 01:46 #264919

I think many of us can relate to times that have been so painful; so lonely etc. that this seemed like the only way to get through the night/day/week/month/year/decade...

It is tragic that this is the case for so many people.

The problem (amongst others) is that the behavior is not simply a temporary escape. Instead, the behavior itself is addictive which means we now have the difficult situation and an addiction on hand. The behavior is anti-social which reinforces the interest in escaping (and therefore never facing) the challenges head on. The behavior (I believe at least in many cases) makes us feel ashamed and worse about ourselves, reinforcing all the negatives.

There are people here for you, take advantage of the Chevrah here, make yourself at home, and small step by small step Bez"H you can find a place where life is such that you are not looking to escape (can't promise lust won't hang out behind the corners waiting for you, but Bez"H you can reach a point where you won't find it to the be the "only way through the night." ) Others are on the same journey with you here.

Hatzlacha!

Re: Divorce 01 Oct 2015 02:28 #264929

  • Damientweeter
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It's interesting how the divorce metaphor is resonating. But the same way as a marriage ends once the screaming stops, I think that the shame and self disgust that accompamy my addictiom are secondary to just stopping. I mean I put myself through hell when I was a kid and began having wet dreams because of how sinful and dirty it was, and now my only regret is that I didn't have the perpective to appreciate everything that was so miraculously good in my life. So at this point my intent if to walk away from a behaviour that is self destructive without blame or self justification and just get on with the rest of my life.
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2015 02:30 by Damientweeter.
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