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TOPIC: My Story - Thank Gd 142972 Views

Re: My Story 29 Nov 2015 19:46 #269875

Markz
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The following has to be included in the list of what has worked for me

AlexEliezer wrote:

1) Extreme shmiras eynayim. This is the area over which we have the most control. This is also the area where we take frequent hits of the lust drug. So I don't look at women unless absolutely necessary. That means no movies, no TV, no magazines or newspapers (and of course no surfing news sites, etc). It doesn't make any difference if she's tznius or not. I can't look at her face. Not even ugly ones. I don't even check out my own wife. She's not my personal lust object (although she was). I do look at her face. Sounds extreme? That's the idea! I find that if my shmiras eynayim is good, everything else falls in to place. If I slip a little in this area, the battle is back on. I also didn't let myself be alone with a computer.

2) Shmiras hamachshava (guarding my thoughts). Fantasies and mental images were a major challenge for me (still can be at times). This is actually how I knew there was something wrong with me. I would have the sickest thoughts at the most inappropriate times. What works for me in this area is immediate deflection with tefilla. As soon as I detect a fantasy or image trying to take a seat in my mind, I immediately start davening

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Re: My Story 29 Nov 2015 23:09 #269880

Markz
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Why am I so adamant about bumping the "Just having fun" Section?

There's nothing like quoting myself
markz wrote:

I got an email one of the guys was makin a comment about humor. So I want to set it straight.

דברה תורה כנגד יצהר. How do we deal with the YH?
כי בשמחה תצאו!!!

How do we encourage our YH to stick to this great website? By makin it fun

Yeah, go be serious. Tell the YH "oy ye yoy ye yoy du sheigetz baal aveira, baal taiva..."
See where that gets you. Your 18 wheeler might leave fat skid marks somewhere... I don't wanna think what may happen with ye.

Ever since I accidentally joined this astounding website I have not had a depressin' moment - my addiction has been emptied from my tank and the YH hasn't had any opportunity to depress me thru sins, and one of the tools is a spoonful of

.

There was never a moment where we joked about lustin. We were talking to our YH that wants to do those things mentioned above, and it was also meant in all seriousness

Warning: Spoiler!

It gets borin' sometimes truckin' for miles - and this is how we keep ourselves awake when we run out of tea an' cofee.
Any other ideas to stay awake? Keep postin'

And of course my good friend peloni almoni I have to quote

develop-a-sense-of-humor--it-really-helps-in-recovery.jpg

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Last Edit: 29 Nov 2015 23:29 by Markz.

Re: My Story 13 Dec 2015 14:03 #271147

Markz
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On my travel through recovery, these are the perceptions I experienced about
a) myself
b) about others

1) WRONG ROAD
I was a Luster
What was going on? My life was out of control. Nothing major - just killing the nights on youtube... P and M through the AM hours
a) I said then to myself "Maybe other guys also do P & M, but no-one like me. I'm the only one that does such crazy things. I don't believe anyone in the world can help me. I'll just have to rot for the rest of my life"
b) I said then about others "Many people that shmooze with girls / women even in business setting etc are possibly lusting after her. I cannot at all understand how it's possible for Men to head or teach girls schools or seminaries and interact with the girls"

2) ABOUT TURN
I discovered gye by the grace of G-D
a) I said then about myself "OMG other guys also do P & M... like me. I'm not the only one that does such crazy things"
b) My view about others wasn't changed, moreover I may have subconciously said "This proves to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was true"

3) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE ONE from 1-89 days
a) I said then about myself "OMG other guys also lust. Some exactly like me. But this is interesting - not everyone is like me. Some guys struggle with youtube, some with skype, some with fantasizing, some with alcohol, some with ssa, and many more" (this may expain why some of us try to put each user into a box - this guy is an addict, this guy not... which is not productive)
b) My view about others lusting wasn't changed, yet.

4) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE TWO from 90 days till today
a) I say about myself "Other guys have their struggle - mine isn't such a tough one. G-d with his shliach Gye have helped me considerably. My life is looking up!!"
b) My view about others "Most people in the world probably do NOT lust, and I can believe that, because ever since I joined gye, I can often stand in the shoes of the people in the world - talking to a woman without fantasizing. My sobriety proved to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was dead w r o n g"

So KOT

Warning: Spoiler!

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Last Edit: 06 Jan 2016 02:21 by Markz.

Re: My Story 16 Dec 2015 00:59 #271463

BenTorah.BaalHabayis
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markz wrote:

[b]

4) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE TWO from 90 days till today
a) I say about myself "Other guys have their struggle - mine isn't such a tough one. G-d with his shliach Gye have helped me considerably. My life is looking up!!"
b) My view about others "Most people in the world probably do NOT lust, and I can believe that, because ever since I joined gye, I can often stand in the shoes of the people in the world - talking to a woman without fantasizing. My sobriety proved to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was dead w r o n g"

According to this perspective what is then the source of our addiction? Why are some people addicted and others not? These people, who you assume can talk to a woman without fantasizing, I can't imagine the 12 steps just came naturally to them. So what's their secret?

Unless you know otherwise I would actually disagree with your premise. Chaza"l say that "Gezel v'Arayos nafsho shel odom mechamdton" (translated: lust for money and sex are innate to the human soul). That seems to imply that everyone has a "chimud" for arayos. I think this is called "lust", no?

Feel free to email me at BenTorah.BaalHabayis@gmail.com

1 day may be too long for me, but I take it OWAAT = One wave at a time, cause the lust comes and goes like a wave which rises and crashes.

Re: My Story 16 Dec 2015 01:16 #271467

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	I'd like move this topic to The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk arena, and I we can discuss this further over there
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 19 Feb 2020 02:47 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Aspie 20 Dec 2015 18:58 #271877

eslaasos
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markz wrote:

gibbor120 wrote:

Or perhaps, let's make it a bit different. Someone is chronically depressed and eventually takes his own life.

1- I am saddened to hear such a story
2- I can relate to what the guy did
If someone has issue with this - shout at me on my aspie thread

Mark, a number of people on this forum have flirted with the S word (and the D word), but hopefully we recognize at least intellectually why it's an illogical, counter-productive idea. So am I misunderstanding something - to what extent do you relate to this fictitious guy?
Oh, I didn't shout at you yet - WDH are you thinking?

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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 20 Dec 2015 20:04 #271887

Markz
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Eslaasos, a number of people on this forum have flirted with the P word (and the M word), but hopefully we recognize at least intellectually why it's an illogical, counter-productive idea

In case you didn't notice, that was quite an interesting way of replying - I think

I mentioned to Dov - I think the reason his posts are so long is that he's a very typical kind of guy

We need some respect and understanding on the forums
If someone lusts it doesn't help to say. don't!
If we sympathize we can accomplish a lot more. That's what I was doing with our friend
S is damn wrong... but just shouting is not how we change someone from doing it

Also the communication sometimes needs to be different
Very often, getting emotional or shouting = 0

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Last Edit: 19 Feb 2020 02:48 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 21 Dec 2015 15:57 #271944

eslaasos
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Mark, I just saw your reply because for some reason the notification of your reply went to my spam folder, maybe it was the shouting that did it.

First off, I apologize if my shouting offended, I was only responding to your original request.

Personally, after I was already on the way to recovery my Rav drew a line in the sand for me that some words are not on the table, and maybe that makes me somewhat sensitive.
So I'll try to say it softer, but I still don't understand the need to relate to this fictitious guy.
Nu nu, I don't have to understand everything.

Joking and insulting aside, I have often thought there is a suicidal tendency to the decision making process of habitual lusters (staying away form the A word to avoid the M word machlokes). Maybe that's why we talk about recovery as living real life. I think this is true for me but it hasn't gotten me anywhere beyond making the observation. Any thoughts?

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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 22 Dec 2015 03:37 #272006

Markz
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Your observations are always precious

Shouting isn't offensive, it just often getting emotional goes right over my head

I don't have S tendencies, but depression does hit sometimes. Especially around kabalas shabbos time for 1/2hr.

If I'd speak absolute bluntly, I'd say "S"? Are you out of your mind?????

But the first response is really to emphasise, even with a guy that is out of his mind לכל הדעות

My Story---------Dov Quotes

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Last Edit: 19 Feb 2020 02:50 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Dec 2015 03:40 #272008

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	Thank you. Why davka by Kabbolas Shabbos?
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Dec 2015 03:51 #272009

Markz
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I wish I knew

What I think is that Asperger folks get overloaded by multitasking and stressors etc...
And erev Shabbos is a very good day to make aspies crazy

I have on rare occasion come to shul 1/2hr before mincha, and it's been a better experience. I'm trying to work on it, but this is one thing aspergers suffer with - time management or rather lack of.
I had some family input to get me to my chupa on time :-), although virtually no one in my family knows the term 'As'

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Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 17:15 #272843

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	cordnoy wrote: This is the bb forum Mark is smarter than me I think it's high time I compiled my resume on gye, it'll do good for my ego even if it's all fictitious
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 23:27 #272885

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two.
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 23:32 #272886

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	eslaasos wrote: And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two. Some guys just don't have a clue what forum they are in Warning: Spoiler! eslaasos in case you nobody told you - this isn't the having fun section, you're supposed to be serious here
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 30 Dec 2015 23:32 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 31 Dec 2015 03:01 #272929

shlomo24
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markz wrote:

eslaasos wrote:

And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two.

Some guys just don't have a clue what forum they are in

Warning: Spoiler!

i hope you aren't joking. the "just having fun" section is dedicated to humor but it doesn't mean that levity isn't allowed everywhere else. but it's your own thread so to each their own i guess. if you weren't serious then i apologize for being choished you.

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com