Welcome, Guest
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!
Reply Topic
New Topic
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: porn 2099 Views

porn 22 Jul 2015 19:31 #260094

  • guarding613
  • Current streak: 194 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: 0
i am of age to get married. But i view a lot of porn and being a true ben aliyah this is very depressing. i dont think its wise to get married in this state. i just found out about gye and i hope they will help. As of now i am pushing off marraige.

Re: porn 22 Jul 2015 20:59 #260104

  • AlexEliezer
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1933
  • Karma: 55
Yasher Koach for not wanting to start a marriage with this gorilla on your back.
Many of us have found that marriage tends to make our addiction worse. Plus, an active addict makes a miserable spouse (and makes their spouse miserable).
Much better to get clean and into recovery first.
Naaleh!

Re: porn 22 Jul 2015 21:07 #260106

  • lomed
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 307
  • Karma: 47
Welcome.

You came to the right place, where all of us struggle on these issues. i cannot talk into the decision of postponing to get married, as I have no expertise on this. However regardless of what you decide, the faster you will work on recovery is better for you and for your future spouse and you future family.

Keep it here and stick around, maybe read some of the threads here, in order to get some tips how to jump start and ignite your recovery.

lots of Hatzlacha

.
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: porn 22 Jul 2015 21:08 #260107

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
Welcome,

b'hatzlachah

Who gave you the title of "true ben aliyah"?
that is usually saved for sheva brachos.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: porn 22 Jul 2015 21:54 #260119

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5251
  • Karma: 166
WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Check out the handbook and other links in my signature. Keep posting.

Re: porn 22 Jul 2015 22:31 #260126

  • abd297
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 282
  • Karma: 12
Welcome. I admire your maturity and responsibility. You can find great advice from people who have gone and are going through the same thing as you. You will find it in the chats, forums, and other great resources on GYE.
Hatzlacha!
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: porn 23 Jul 2015 10:57 #260176

  • Pidaini
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
  • Posts: 2189
  • Karma: 107
Welcome to GYE!!

What's on the plan of how to stop?

Keep on Posting!! You are worth it!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 03:43 #260226

  • serenity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "ONE DAY AT A TIME"
  • Posts: 1796
  • Karma: 173
Welcome and hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 14:04 #260239

  • waydown
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 670
  • Karma: 7
You are a true tzadik. And kodous for being so concerned both about yourself and even more so your future wife. It sounds like your thoughtfulness will make you into a great husband one day.

I am far from a tzadik myself.But isn't this something that should be asked to das torah? I know it may be hard but I think it can be asked in a discreet manner? Perhaps GYE has some kind of board of rabbonim where anonyoums discreet shaios can be asked to/ sent to? The reason I say
this is because the gemara's and chazal seem to indicate that one whose yetzer is misgaber should get married and in fact at a young age. Of course Alex brings up a great point. And yes I can attest to the fact that once you taste heter the yetzer hara for issur stregnthens too. But there is the concept of pas baslo and there are chazal's counter to that theory.
Last Edit: 24 Jul 2015 14:05 by waydown.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 15:09 #260241

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
waydown wrote:
You are a true tzadik. And kodous for being so concerned both about yourself and even more so your future wife. It sounds like your thoughtfulness will make you into a great husband one day.

I am far from a tzadik myself.But isn't this something that should be asked to das torah? I know it may be hard but I think it can be asked in a discreet manner? Perhaps GYE has some kind of board of rabbonim where anonyoums discreet shaios can be asked to/ sent to? The reason I say
this is because the gemara's and chazal seem to indicate that one whose yetzer is misgaber should get married and in fact at a young age. Of course Alex brings up a great point. And yes I can attest to the fact that once you taste heter the yetzer hara for issur stregnthens too. But there is the concept of pas baslo and there are chazal's counter to that theory.


yes; daas torah, but no to an anonymous group of Rabbis.
These shailos cannot be asked like "Dear Abbey."
The Rav must know the individual and his personal issues.
Yes, there are many batei horaos openin' up, and tis the new style, but if they start answerin' birth control shailos, and a host of other shailos w/o knowin' the individual - uch and vey on us. Even a pot of noodles needs to weighed as to the finances of the person askin'.

Thank you

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 15:29 #260243

  • AlexEliezer
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1933
  • Karma: 55
waydown wrote:
the gemara's and chazal seem to indicate that one whose yetzer is misgaber should get married and in fact at a young age....But there is the concept of pas baslo and there are chazal's counter to that theory.


Porn addiction(lust addiction really) isn't the "yetzer" or the "misgaber" chazal were referring to.

This is why getting married isn't the solution, and pas b'salo won't help.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 15:48 #260245

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
AlexEliezer wrote:
waydown wrote:
the gemara's and chazal seem to indicate that one whose yetzer is misgaber should get married and in fact at a young age....But there is the concept of pas baslo and there are chazal's counter to that theory.


Porn addiction(lust addiction really) isn't the "yetzer" or the "misgaber" chazal were referring to.

This is why getting married isn't the solution, and pas b'salo won't help.


AE; while i think our battle or struggle is not directly with the yetzer, I think to unequivocally say that a lust addiction is NOT what Chazal are referrin' to is a strong statement. Would you have a source in the Rishonim perhaps that make such a distinction?

Thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 15:52 #260246

  • waydown
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 670
  • Karma: 7
As a side note, re birth control, I heard first hand from a choshva rav via a simple phone call that he doesn't want to her my shaila. Till a child is two yrs old its totally muter. He told me I don't care what your circumstnaces are and I don't want to know. I never even got to explaining the shaila. He asked one question, how old is your child? And said if less than two its not shaila its muter and goodbye. So the rav does not have to know you on a perosnal basis to answer that shaila necessarly. The psak is clear anyone with a child less than two muter.

Of course if you are chasdish or more yeshivish (and don't follow that psak) or have children older than two then he has to know you.

I know it was not your main point. But i am just pointing that out.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 16:12 #260247

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
waydown wrote:
As a side note, re birth control, I heard first hand from a choshva rav via a simple phone call that he doesn't want to her my shaila. Till a child is two yrs old its totally muter. He told me I don't care what your circumstnaces are and I don't want to know. I never even got to explaining the shaila. He asked one question, how old is your child? And said if less than two its not shaila its muter and goodbye. So the rav does not have to know you on a perosnal basis to answer that shaila necessarly. The psak is clear anyone with a child less than two muter.

Of course if you are chasdish or more yeshivish (and don't follow that psak) or have children older than two then he has to know you.

I know it was not your main point. But i am just pointing that out.


I will pretend I didn't hear this, for there are plenty of Rabbanim who disagree with that vehemently, and I don't know you or your Rav, but I hope that each person who sees your quote (while it is still up) will have the sense to ask that shaila for himself, and not rely on anonymous poster quotin' an anonymous Rav.

and by the way, our Rav and our family follow the lenient views on this shaila.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: porn 24 Jul 2015 16:26 #260248

  • AlexEliezer
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1933
  • Karma: 55
cordnoy wrote:
AE; while i think our battle or struggle is not directly with the yetzer, I think to unequivocally say that a lust addiction is NOT what Chazal are referrin' to is a strong statement. Would you have a source in the Rishonim perhaps that make such a distinction?

Thank you


I am not aware of any Rishonim that address porn addiction.
I am applying simple logic.
Chz"l wouldn't recommend something detrimental to us (by worsening our addiction) or to our future spouse (by making her miserable in general). They wouldn't recommend a situation where shalom bayis is going to be severely compromised. Since all of these apply when an active lust addict gets married, it follows that this cannot be what Chz"l were referring to when they said that a man whose urge [for sex] is getting the better of him should get married.

A man whose urge [for sex] is getting the better of him should get married.
A man whose addiction controls him should get sober and into recovery.
Reply Topic
New Topic
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Introduce Yourself
Moderators: yechidah, skeptical, the.guard, kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, menachemgye, smartlakewood
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.62 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes