Day 24:
Alive and well and good.
learnt something very Mechazek recently might post it later.

Has sort of a slip, had a wet dream, second time on the way to ninety days.
I've figured out the situation when it happens, sleeping by day or when I just stay in bed and go back to sleep in the morning.

Forgot to say, that means no more sleeping by day and getting up as soon as I wake up, I"ll start a count on that.

What I learnt from it is that It's a sign I"m not healed in my subconscious mind I'm still in there all the way, and there's absolutely no way I can let my guard down (no pun intended) even after a full 25 days of sobriety.

berelfiner wrote:


About the letting the guard down, your 100% right;all that we do needs constant chizuk.

About the not-healed subconscious , not sure about that.Maybe its doing self-cleaning, so in the process all the dirt comes out to light. It could actually be a positive sign.

The most common advice is to ignore dreams, but if something is working for you I don't think anyone would want to interfere with that. It is very common to have a wet dreams, especially in early sobriety. I can definitively relate to analyzing the cause and lesson from the dreams though, just so long as the lesson is positive for me.

A good Shabbos to the whole world, I'm giving this Shabbos and only this Shabbos's struggle up to Hashem that he should do with me as as He see's fitting.

B"H, had a good Shabbos.

I just fell,
Was by sheva brochos drank a bit too much wine...

Today I'm prone to fall again.
No chance of me dealing with this myself, got to give it up to Hashem.

Had bit too much wine...
Then I was on the computer for about 6 hours, reading, then it struck and did 2 hours of arousing imagery which caused their natural implications.
Well it's only for the next three days that I"ll have unlimited access to computer, afterwards I"ll be changing environment to safer surroundings.

2 things:
First, "it" didn't strike after the wine and 6 hours of browsing. "It" struck when you took the first sip - literally! As soon as we begin doing things without thinking and looking at what the ramifications of our actions may be, that is when we are "stricken."
Second, let's clarify something. "It" is "you." No magical entity forces us to do anything. By pretending that the mysterious "it" gave you no choice, you only further encourage addicts like me to continue pretending that we are victims of circumstance.

1. We ARE victims of circumstance, orchestrated by ourselves.

2. Admitting powerlessness is admitting that we are powerless to stop once WE have made the first step, not powerlessness of not taking that first step?

Wow, I didn't know that.

As I await inspiration, all I get is dissipation.

As my hopes, beliefs and desires dissipate, higher ideals, convictions and resolutions fill the space they vacate.

Then awareness does strike, this is what it's supposed to be like.

A full vessel can contain no more, not so, one empty to the core.

Thus, I begin to see, dissipation and emptiness are the only key,for great inspiration to flow upon me.

Admit powerlessness and surrender, heal your ruptured heart so tender.

Set your will aside and let His be binding, behold the road to recovery bright and shining.

As you rejoice - with your fellow share the word, ensure you don't fall back into the absurd.

בידו אפקיד רוחי בעת אישן ואעירה, ה' לי ולא אירא

berelfiner wrote:


that's like a kid murdering his father and then demanding the judge have mercy on him because he is an orphan