Starting when I was 15 I encountered some form of masturbation by accident. Soon after that I realized that I enjoyed it and was doing it for the next 10 years. During this time I started watching things on the internet, and eventually found very inappropriate material. Obviously I worked on myself and stopped for a awhile but always managed to fall again. During this time I got married and thought everything would go away. At least that is what my rebbi thought would happen. After 10 months of marriage things started getting out of hand again. Finally I sat down with another rebbi who introduced my 2 GYE. I read a little bit here and there but didn't get into it too much. Finally I decided to start the 90 days thingy and b"h I have been clean now for almost 5 months.
However I am very nervous that I fall again. Summer is here, and a I feel the longer I am on the more I get nervous. The biggest thing keeping me going is the streak I have. I haven't seen any highly inappropriate material in a long time, and I am even able to prevent bad thoughts, something which I haven't been able to do in a long time. However I will still look at a woman on the street or even peek at advertisements, nothing too bad but enough that I feel like I am missing something here. I want to be able to look at a woman and not think of how she looks right away. I feel like I am losing my confidence in myself that I will be able to do this long term. Anyway, I thought sharing my story might help in some way even though I have no clue how!

WELCOME! One thing many of us learn is that we cannot afford to take "sips". Letting lust in, even a little bit leads us to falling. As the big book says "half measures availed us nothing".

The 90 day challenge can help as a short-term motivation, but it is not a long-term strategy. There are other things we can do to help in our recovery. I recommend reading the GYE handbook. I have a link to it in my signature. Stick around, read and post. Keep us posted. Hatzlacha Rabbah! Mazal Tov on taking the VERY important step of reaching out!

hi nvyy

how i understand is that you are afraid to fall back since you are very long time clean, meaning your goal is to be clean for ever.
so first the fact that you are almost 5 months clean is something what will help you to keep clean for a few reasons 1. simply because you trained your self that you can be ok without it. 2. every day you are clean you gained lots of "Kedusha" and that helps you to keep on going.

i'm also a beginner and what i'm saying to my self is that: every day is another day and today has nothing with tomorrow and i stop thinking from "how will i survive without that for such a long time" so i'm thinking "only" from now. "only" from "now".

also i need to tell you that the feeling that i'm missing something is because you feel like the world has something what i can't have. i use to feel that lots of times. so let me tell you a secret what helped me a lot. that if you will work on having "true" love with your wife. meaning that your sexual private life will be a outcome of true love, respect, caring, etc. this is what every person needs. and satisfy you naturally. but unfortunately the lusty world mostly don't have this item so they are trying to cover their needs with lust.
these facts help me. i hope that i was a help.

Welcome to GYE!!

5 months is amazing! How'd you do it?

I have found that the biggest help is to keep in contact with GYE friends. Chatting, calling, and even meeting friends has made all the difference in my struggle.

KOP!! KOMT!!!

Thanks for all your input and advice. I hope to keep in touch a few times a week. That definitely is a big help, just reaching out and knowing there is a whole network of people going through the same thing. Thanks

I fully relate to your feelings on looking at women in the street and in advertisements. I'm working on trying to stop my reflex to look at everyone around.
Keep us posted and read around on other forums.
Good luck!

Thanks for coming on here and sharing your experience, strength and hope with us. It gives me chizuk to see people finding recovery and maintaining sobriety. One thing I'm learning about fear is that there are often practical solutions to combat our fears. I think you can find many practical solutions in the comments by people on your thread so far.

Hatzlacha!

Welcome,

You are movin' along nicely.

b'hatzlachah

you're attitude is an inspiration, not letting your hatzlacha get into your head and moving fwd is something I could learn from, תלכו מחיל אל חיל !

Welcome Nvyy1234!!!

First of all mazel tov on the 5 months, That really is a milestone.

Second of all like mentioned earlier reaching out is one of the best tools out there so we are all looking forward to seeing you around.

Keep Up The Good Work KUTGW!!

Keep up the great work. You inspire me!!

Welcome! Mazal Tov on taking this first huge, important step!

Welcome nvyy1234!

Congrats on your 5 month streak. May have much Hatzlacha on future days and month and years. Your concern is one that concerns me and many of us. We all have this in our minds. If and when you find a resolution on it please notify me . Until then just keep moving forward one day at a time.

Keep up the good work!!!