There are no frum therapists in my city (expect my father). There are no frum therapists in or near the city that I go to yeshiva. It's just a tight situation. I'm not really sure what the deal is. I just can't move forward like this. I only see a future of emotional isolation. I want to be able to answer truthfully the people who ask "How are you doing?" or "Is everything ok?". I just want to get to the bottom of this.
When I was in high school I was very close to 3 people. 2 of them were older beis medrash guys. Over the years we had countless hours of discussion. They knew me, I knew them. We all knew the deal. I was in a difficult situation in the dorm being that I was one of the only people who stayed for weeks at a time. I was pretty alone on the weekends left to figure my own plans out for activities, meals, and the like. During the week I found it hard to be entertained. There were also inadequate resources to do school work. Everyone else went home but I couldn't. It was pretty rough. I tried to make things known to the rabbeim but most of them were not in a position to do anything and those who were were either too busy or not understanding. I was able to rant and vent about all of the issues to these 2 older guys. I also got very close to the school counselor for 2 year. I was able to get serious about finding the roots to my issues. I benefitted greatly but the physical issues in the school were stagnant. After 3 years of trying to get out, hearing false words of hope to change, and believing them, I skipped 12th grade and went to an affiliated yeshiva elsewhere.
The yeshiva worked out quite well. more thing to do, weekends taken care of, closer guys and rabbeim. I realized quickly that I was missing something. The physical aspects were pretty good but the emotional issues were never resolved. I tried to speak to my rebbi but I wasn't really able to get through to him on a deep emotional level. I had little connection with those who I was close to before.
Now after a year I realize that I really need help. The problem is that I don't know where to turn. I have many more unresolved issues from high school along with other issues including lust, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, and relationship issues. Bottom line I'm not able to piece together what the issues are.
Any more questions or comments will help me describe the situation more.

Thanks for sharing.

You can call me. Just send me an email. You don't need a frum therapist. Maybe call Duvid Chaim and see what he suggests. It will probably help you just to call him with your actual name and get some of your issues out into the open with a real person.

abd297 wrote:


Based on your words that you have all of the above issues, know this: an anonymous forum with a bunch of addcits (includin' myself) will not help you - if you are not bein' helped elsewhere. We can encourage, prod, criticize, inspire, rebuke and laugh together with you, but we cannot be the professional that you so desperately need.

b'hatzlachah....really.

There are many here that would be happy to speak with you. PM me if interested.

In hope you all had a good shabbos. I had some trouble over Shabbos. We had a guest over who had a granddaughter in from Israel. She is my age. I was immediately attracted to her. I did a pretty good job at controlling myself at the meal. after the meal my older brother and I started talking to her innocently. It had nothing to do with her, it was just 3 people around the same age socializing. I don't know what she or my brother were actually thinking but I was having feelings even though the conversation and situation were far from sexual. They came back the next day for a while but I had already anticipated this. I kept my distance and pretty much controlled my eyes.
Now I have been having trouble keeping my mind off her. I was just so comfortable, so relived to finally have a normal conversation with a normal person, acquaintance to acquaintance. I felt like I was more than just a spectator, more than a little kid. The problem with this is obvious though.
Clearly this is something which I yearn for. I have not really been able to do this very much. In highschool, I always liked going to people's houses who made me fell this way. I was able to go to their house as a friend have good conversation with him, his wife, and their guests. I wasn't the desperate highschooler who they were being nice to by letting me come. I hated those meals. I liked the small, calm, intimate ones. This did leave room for me to wrongly interpret those good feelings as sexual on occasion. (I have elaborated on my other forum in the SSA section.)
I need to fill this void somehow. I don't know what all of my feelings mean or how the facts affect this. The people involved were often women, guests or wives of my hosts. I felt that they were more understanding.
Any questions or comments are appreciated as they help bring out the details in a more condensed fashion. Thank You and KOP.

4000 users, a huge number. 4000 people just like us who have sought out the help of GYE. 4000 strong people who have resolved to face their issues. 4000 people who have taken the steps towards recovery. Together, we can all do this.

Thanks for your posts!

i am really amaized of how fast people get comfortable in this place...

i am also a bochur and prety much in the situation as you!
do never give up i personnaly found so many answers to my questions in the handbook, and lots of help and precious advices on the forums...

i just want to share what i heard once from some rabbi about dreams
"you shouldnt worry about we dont ask someone to work on something in which he doesnt really have control.

however, one will notice that when he had a better day the following night will also be good!"

thats what he said and i personnaly saw how true it was.

about keeping eyes in the street i try to make small goals of even 3mn and it works very well it says somewhere on the website that its normal if in the beggining its not amaizing the iker is to try your best i guess and the improvements will come

kop

Thank you all for your posts and support. This is what keeps us all going. It keeps the site up and running and able to be an oasis for those who find it.

I have realized what some of my problems are. I have the motivation to really change now but I don't have the physical aspects available. I need to actually start getting help. Posting helps but is a way to be connected and get support, not to get long lasting help (at least for me). I can't go on much longer in the same situation that I'm in. I am around things that trigger me sexually and emotionally. I am isolated. I don't have structure to my life. I have the right ideas without the battle plan. This is for sexual and emotional issues. If I continue like this either I will fall or I will only be covering up the issues without addressing them.

The problem is that I am not self sufficient, I don't make my own choices, for the most part. I just go to yeshiva, come home, follow whatever's happening. I just fill the role which people think I play in life. I don't have the means to get help and live a long lasting lie free of my issues. At least not the way things are now.

Does anyone have any advice. I'm a quiet 18 year old. I dorm at yeshiva for a few weeks at a time. I am fully supported by my parents. I am alone in my issues.
I need to break free and take control of MY life before it's too late. I don't want to wake up in a few years when life really starts happening and wonder, "Where the heck did it all go?!"

Do you have a rebbi that you can speak to? A family member? A mentor? Anyone at all?

No one at home. A rebbi in Yeshiva who I have spoken to on a number of personal things but nothing serious or emotional. I am not sure if I should start with him. That's about it. I have people who I have spoken to in the pat but have not really been able to reconnect on a consistent basis.

I have also not spoken about lust or made my issues serious or clear. They were very good and did help me through highschool but there were more obvious issues then that we all knew about. They did stem somewhat from issues which I have now but we never really got serious about them.

I am looking for a therapist and my parents know that but they don't know it's really serious. I have also been unable to find any one frum anywhere near me. I may look to someone non frum or jewish but I have a few concerns.

I am really losing it at home now. Everyone is just so annoying to me. I'm going to camp in a week and will have to put all of issues on hold which is not such a good thing. I will just be welcomed back to a new busy year in yeshivs to navigate back to figuring things out. It's much harder when you have to juggle daily life with long term emotional life. I wish I could get on board with everything before but it won't happen. I'm scared that I'll have trouble figuring things out and getting started once yeshiva starts.

Yo I feel u bro. In yeshiva too. Just dealing with 4th day urges.... BE STRONG! WE CAN DO THIS!

abd297 wrote:


Sometimes in camp there are special people to reach out to. Look out for one.

Bhatzlachah