Some times I just feel down and wish that I could step back, press pause, and take as long as I need with someone right for me to figure everything out and get set in the right direction. This obviously isn't possible but I think I need some professional help to at least figure stuff out about my addiction and my depression, anxiety, relationships, etc...
I spoke to my school counselor for two years and was doing well but I never spoke about my addiction. He has since moved and I have also changed yeshivas and have been looking for someone else. There are no frum professionals in the area so I started with my rebbi. I have not really opened up emotionally yet and haven't spoken about lust. I hope to find someone worthwhile on the phone or something like that.

Like several said above: Take a deep breath, slow down.
The resources that suit you will find its way.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, i found reading the handbook really helped me at times, though i have many ups and downs too.

abd297 wrote:
I'm not sure why no one has dubbed me the perfectionism police yet, maybe they are too polite. But, you said the magic word, so I'm obligated to point out that I have a link in my signature to Dr. Sorotzkin's website. He has great stuff on perfectionism, and on the psycology of acting out as well. I found it very enlightening. I hope you do too.

Today I was out and about a littl more than my 1st 2 days on GYE. More room for looking at women which fills your mind with unwanted thoughts. I had an urge to fall but I immediately came on and started reading and posting. I think it has passed for now BH. I wasn't so carefully about looking but I was pretty good. It's hard to figure out what is more than an accidental glance because I am so sensitive that almost anything can turn me on. Any advice about this?
Also I started having unwanted sexual dreams. Is this normal at this phase?. I have struggled with wet dreams in the past. So far I haven't had one in a few months. Ar they counted as a fall? How do I prevent them? Does it reset my brain on the addicting path?

Take a look at what is a "slip" as opposed to a "fall" with respect to the 90 day chart.

Ignore the dreams

After a wet dream I feel like I blew it and I must start all over again. Is this true? Do any of you feel similarly? How do you deal with it?

serenity wrote:

No more needs to be said.

How do you guys stop the automatic head turn towards women? Even if I stop looking is just the first reflex an issue?

I work on the head turning myself.
Firstly, before you go out on the street prepare yourself mentally that you will have challenges in this area and that will help not to look.
Secondly, train yourself not to be curios in general, to look what is going on somewhere else.
Thirdly, look down as you walk and perhaps focus on the ground.
Alternatively it is wise to think about a Torah thought as you are walking. Something a little deep that you find of interest.

Don't worry about the dreams. Work on recovery. The dreams will take care of themselves.

I'm going to visit an older relative on Sunday. She's not religious. My parents and siblings aren't on the same page as shomer negiah. I've been pretty good myself for the past year avoiding shaking hands and hugging relatives and the like but I am alone in this. Any tips, thoughts, or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

What are your thoughts? How would they react if you refuse? Is there any way you could explain it to them? Will they be understanding? Maybe discuss with your rav.

I feel that I need to get more knowledge on the halachic matters. Almost all of my relatives are not understanding or are critical of such beliefs. My parents and siblings are just unaware. I plan on discussing this and similar things with my close rebbi in the near future.