Great! You're already an inspiration to us here. And "one day at a time" is totally right. Your mantra should be, "Get through today," and if that's too much, then "Get through right now."

You're going to read a lot of advice here which may or may not apply to your situation. Just keep an open mind. What's consistently worked best for people, though, is figuring out how to just "let go," and "let G-d take over." You'll hear that a lot, and though it could be a little difficult to translate into tangible action, pondering that concept is really helpful. And, of course, stay around and talk us up here!

Amazing! Each time you fight the urge it gets easier.
Never easy, but easier.

The 90 day chart helps with this. When you are counting the days and have a set goal it makes it that much easier.
I urge you to join.

Wishing you continued hatzlacha on your journey.

Have a great Shabbos

Thank you for sharing your experience! I can relate.

I'm just wondering if it actually lust you were experiencing. I think desire and lust tend to get mixed up around here at times. To have desires and even strong ones are natural. Lust is when we use the things that would normally fulfill our healthy desires in an unhealthy manner or for an unhealthy purpose. An example of an unhealthy purpose is to deal with stress, depression, hardship etc. An example of an unhealthy manner, is do to things that interfere with our life or damage us.

Hatzlacha!

WOW EH,
That was refreshing, Energizing, Inspiring and Geshmak!

I feel like we may have had the same issues ......i am nearly 10 years married and i went through alot of what you are talking about .....and i can tell you from experiance ...it can go on and on....but you might want to consider the why .....i mean you just got started in marriage and im sure you love your wife endlessly ....and you seem pretty excited about "mikveh night" so you are enjoying being with her .....i dont know how to say things like this but i'll try anyhow ....in your situation i think i would take inventory of how things are with my wife and i ....and try to learn how to not be needy more than necessary when you are already getting what you want .....even if its only mikveh night .....

Thanks for this Laughingman

I think the "why" could be rather a tough question to answer. I guess a reason could be because I have seen such explicit content, I expect certain things from my wife - certain things that I have seen that I would like to be done to me or me to do to her. We have spoken about it but she hasn't been so forthcoming, and so I guess a way for me to "get back" at not getting what I want but doing what she wants. I know that's not right and I am exploring that with my therapist. Sometimes I also do it if I am angry with her. I guess I feel I am entitled to do that when she upsets me or is being unfair.

But I am working on the above, and the real reason for me doing it all and being here falls under the "WHY" and when I get to the point of accepting the "WHY" - not only will it be scary, but I think I will grow... I hope.

EH,

Really great, honest stuff. Part of addiction is self-centeredness, entitlement, as you said. The antidote, which is hard to come by for a lot of us, is figuring out how to live selflessly. If you're an addict, that means you're allergic to lust. The slightest bit will turn you into ruthless, conniving "me machine." So for now, you might have to shut that part of your mind down, and try to live as a "her machine" instead. "What does she want, she need?" That question should dictate your actions, consistently. Like I said, it's not easy, but it's the overhaul in perspective we need to get out of egocentric universes.

Just want to say ....i have been right here ....in this line of thought .....and it might be years till one sees that punishing out of anger even in mental self talk eventually can take away what should always be yours in exchange for something that probably in reality you wouldnt want ....if nothing else my hard experiance should be a warning to anyone ....these things can cause bad in your life ....even when you think no one knows ....thses things have a life of their own ....

If you really want to push her buttons positively i think my experiance has taughte that some women are more emotional ......and emotion can be positively enforced by soft speaking ....hearing her speak mind ..things like that

So Mr EH,

It's been six months.
What's goin' on?
Please tell.

Thank you

Embarrassed husband - you have wrote such a fantastic post and I am so happy to have finally seen someone on the forum like you. Let me explain why. I am a 21 year old in college after 4 years of yeshiva. I am in my opinion addicted to porn and I am trying to stop. NOT because I feel that it is bad (I do but I honestly dont care because of my low level) but rather because everyone tells me it will ruin my marriage. I don't feel like it will yet, but after hearing all these stories I am frightened. very frightened. With that being said, I cant say I can relate (because I cant since I'm not married) but I could say that when you said there are some things your wife will not do, that is because of what we all see when we watch pornography. we have access to anything and can customize our preferences in any which way. I am worried that the same will happen to me and therefore, I am fighting with myself not to meet with women to fulfill these expectations in case my wife doesnt...

I admire and respect you for going to the gym at 5 AM. Great job! That takes alot of effort. In addition, in my humble opinion I feel that it is very neccessary to establish a filter for yourself especially on your phone which is portable and can be used at any given time when you are struggling.

Hatzlacha rabbah and keep posting...you are helping and inspiring everyone!

SimonConfused, your post confused me.

Just read the posts here, and I can relate to embarrassedhusband 100% - I am married for a few years longer, but other than that my story is EXACTLY the same! it's crazy!

Simon Confused:

Yes, get out of porn as soon as as quickly as you can! It will ruin your marriage. Here's a few points why:
1) You'r hiding a secret from your wife - which is a terrible feeling.
2) You always have this guilty feeling when you fall through.
3) You expect your wife/you to do crazy things which are not normal, but normal in the world of porn...
4) When you fall through, you end up being in a n extremely bad mood, and your poor wife has to handle it. You wish you could tell her what's going o, but you just can't...
5) Many more reasons...

I've had times when I was clean, and I was so much happier, and can't even describe it. But of course the YH would get the better of me...

So if you want my advice - QUIT NOW!!!!

Teshuvah wrote:


I added my experience of reason # 4 in my thread as it is personal : guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/263014-Introductionor-diary?limit=15&start=150#271511

Simon Confused,

Your post actually addressed lost of my concerns. Can you switch your name to Simple Simon Says:) ? (as you simplified stuff so nicely) Here are my concerns,
1)the addictiveness takes up precious family time
2) It can ruin your job performance or grades in school (Not connected to marriage). This happened to me twofold. A. I physically spent less time working s I was viewing porn/ and /or chatting on-line. B.When I was working my mind was fried because it was always thinking about that lust and rushing to get back to it. So I didn't produce much. I gemara terms these two things are called eichus and kammus.
3)Will the buck stop at porn? As I saw more and more, I want more and more. The urge to actually commit the unthinkable sin was getting ever stronger and stronger. Of course as a married men that has irrevocable repercussions. But it may affect single life as well. And if one is sinning with a low life he has to deal with aids and other sicknesses as well.
4) yes hiding a secret form my wife is not comfortable either

#'s 2  had the biggest draw for me.

Hi Cordoy

I must correct you, it's been 8 months - 8 very tough months.

Around November I fell hard, as hard as I've ever fallen and I must be honest - for 6 weeks I was wallowing, depressed and really taking my nick on here to the next level. I avoided GYE because I was too embarrassed to click "I had a fall" AGAIN and I got so used to falling that I fell into my addictive ways - doing things I regret wholeheartedly, using the internet for inappropriate behaviour and going back to talking to other women online. I felt like I was not going to overcome this. I feel that when I should have been studying for my exam in Dec, I was relapsing more and more and as a result I failed my exam and I do believe a big part of it was me being punished for my sins.

HOWEVER

Since the middle of December, I have been clean.and going strong, in fact stronger than ever. I have a fellow GYE member on whatsapp and we chat almost everyday. I cleared some issues up with my wife that I feel were a big part of (not the core reason for turning to the internet) my desire to fulfill my "needs" through the internet and I have not had any urges whatsoever since. I do not believe I have conquered this, as that is how I felt before I relapsed, but I do feel I have a better understanding of why I was turning to porn and why I needed that recognition from others (other than my wife). 

Also, I can safely say that had the filter been on my phone - I would not have downloaded the apps that pushed me over the edge - so make sure you have a reliable filter!