hi,
I'm a bochur in his 20's who has had nisyonos with p for many years now. Boruch Hashem I'm in midst of recovery now. It really all started when I was in high school. I was left alone @ home with no family (they went on vacation) & no friends (they were away @ camps). unfortunately, i had access to an unfiltered internet, with nothing to do, a sense of loneliness & boredom. Need I say more. For about a week & a half, that's all that i did. I made 1 mistake, which looking back @ it might have lead me to where I am even thogh it caused me so much grief. I left a cd in the disk drive which caused my parents to suspect that something was up. they ended up finding out about it & to say that they let the whole world know about it, is the biggest understatement. They told my rebbeim & my rosh yeshiva. To make things worse, one of my rebbeim spoke about it publicly (obviously omitting my name) while I was in attendance. It made things really uncomfortable when my friends started talking about the story after the speech in front of me & then asking my opinion. I had one rebbe who particularly tried helping me out with all kinds of incentives etc. after a few years of failing, he made a comment to me saying like i wasn't interested in quitting, which was very upsetting. I would write more but I really have a lot to write, I've had alot of expieriences & I don't want to bore you
Thanks,
TheBigX90

It's not a bore. All of us here have our issues, so we can relate. What you are writing is familiar to lots of people here. Of course everyone has there own details, and we want to hear more about you. Like you probably saw, I'm pretty new here too, but I found that the 90 day chart to be very helpful as well as the GYE handbook.

Keep posting and remember, Yeish Tikvah!

Hi,
I'd like to add a bit more info to my previous story. This rebbe of mine really was trying to help me, however, I don't think he gave me the proper tools to deal with the nisayon. He basically just said " reward yourself when you overcome the yetzer hara" which wasn't enough for me. I've been going to therapy for a few months now. I really have to say that my shrink (who's a frum guy) has really helped me a ton. He's helped me develop thinking my daily life/thoughts through mindfulness. I would greatly recommend this method to anyone having this problem. Even though, It doesn't necessarily tackle these issues head on, It helps you tackle life's challenges, which in turn helps me fight these nisyoinos (which are usually just an escape from my real emotions, or from a stressful environment.
I've realized with the help of mindfulness to accept my emotions as normal & try to ride them out without doing anything I'd regret (like acting out). In addition, I've realized that emotions are like waves, they come & go. Therefore, our goal on this world is to try to be the surfer & ride them out, ( whether the highs or lows) & not drown in the feelings of self pity, lonlieness.
Thanks Still Going for your support.
It's nice to see that I'm not alone

That was a really heartfelt story. Thanks for sharing.
Please stick around. We all have what to learn from each other.

Ditto to what Bigmoish said. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that awful experience. I'm sure you know by now that dwelling on it isn't going to help with your compulsive behaviors. I'm not saying you are dwelling on it and it is important that you got that out here (in my experience.) Sharing it and being honest isn't the same as dwelling on it. Share it and surrender it. We don't wish to shut the door on the past, nor do we wish to dwell on it. (AA) One day you may find your way to the 12 steps and may list several people in that story on your resentment list, maybe not. I'm familiar with mindfulness based cognitive therapy and stress reduction and have found them very helpful.

Glad you're here among chaverim!

Welcome to GYE!!

I relate a lot with what you wrote even though I didn't go through any of it!!

No matter which approach we use, having group support is only beneficial to it!!

Don't shy away for fear of not being interesting, I personally am interested in any experience that I can relate to.

KOMT!!! KOP and we'll ride the waves together!

Pidaini wrote:

WELCOME! Thanks for the share! I'm sure your rebbi had the best of intentions, but as you found out, you needed more. This is a great place where we all understand each other and have similar struggles. We look forward to hearing more from you.