Hi never give up!
You said you'll stick to responding to others.
How about responding here with a nice long introduction?

hey big moish,

I mam newly married and been struggling with internet for most of my life. i have had really good streaks in the past which show me that i can do it, but fall sometimes and get into a rut. it's funny when you think your good since you stopped hardcore porn, your wrong. its a very tough world with so many distractions and other bad things besides porn. but i keep going and never give up, just take it day by day hour by hour. and my goal is to stay clean until the 120.

I have been trying to incorporate the tapshic method and are looking for good ones to try. as you know there is only so much to guard yourself at the end the day in this world everything is so accessible, we can go by videos,magazines etc. so how do we guard ourselves,put other fences up. i find the tapshic method to be great and effective. any insight or ideas would be amazing. GYE so far has been a really good tool for me and i plan on visiting everyday.

Welcome NGU.
You write "it's funny when you think your good since you stopped hardcore p__n, your wrong" really you're right. If one would continue to look at such stuff we would be much worse, so in that sense we are good. Of course, there are a million other ways of acting out but I always thought that p___ was like rain up in a mountain, it keeps on pouring down long after it stopped raining.
Keep on posting and keep in touch.

Welcome NGU!
There are plenty of great guys and ideas here. Stick around and you may learn that we all have more in common than you think.
Kol Tuv,
Moish

Welcome Never Give Up! Thanks for your post. You're not alone here. Many of us found that the people and things we lust after were not our problem. Our problems were more deep seated in our very being. What and who we lusted after were the solutions to our problems. Maybe you can relate to that.

Hatzlacha!

Hey there never give up!!

You are certainly not alone in this battle, and I would say that you should use that to be your greatest tool.

What I mean is that the TaPHSiC is a great tool, but being that it's the only tool you mentioned, it sort of strikes me that you may just be like the rest of us.........you don't want to need other people's help!!

I have learnt that one of the most helpful ways to clear my mind of whatever desire it may be, is to call up a safe friend, a friend who I know will understand me and not be judgmental of me, and tell him honestly what is going through my mind.

It is that open honesty, that opening the door that let's in some light and disperses the darkness (just a little bit of light, just a liiiittle bit of light, doche docheeeeh Harbei ChOshech!).

There are plenty of those potential friends here, make good use of them!!

It's great having you here, KOMT!!! and KOP!!! (even on your own thread!!)

Hey Everyone,

i have not been around for a while been busy, i recently fell and feel so bad but after eading all your post im going to see where i went wrong and be better and more preppared for next time.I will never give up and i wont let the yetza hara get the best of me. I need to keeo more busy with life and torah, while also being active with healthy hobbies ex. sports.

if you have any other ideas im all ears.

Thank you all!!!!

Welcome back!

pidiani,


thanks for your insight, i coundt agree more about that at first you don't want peoples help. but we all need help from each other and thats why i came to GYE.

WOULD you think it would be a good idea when i am desireing to do bad, i would call my wife, she is so caring and nit judgemntal. What would you say to that.

Thank you stillgoing.

i WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MY PROGRESS. AND I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT YOURS AS WELL AND IF YOU NEED ANY ADVISE I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE YOU.

Hi NGU.
How's it going the last 2 days?

Hey Everyone,

Its been a while,

I have a question, a couple of day ago i started to slip a little and watch an inappropriate show/movie. I did for like 10-20 minutes, ( its was not porn but definitely not a good). Then in middle i was like to myself NO! and i shut it off and went to sleep, i did not act out at all. The next day o strengthen my Tapshic method and added extra layers of protection on top of my filter. I felt great that I was able to stop, but am i still clean or should i start over again. I stopped myself before slipping completely. AND I FORSURE DONT WANT TO BE IN THAT POSITION AGAIN, ITS NOT HEALTHY, THAT'S WHY WE MAKE GEDARIM.!!!

would love to hear your feedback!!!

never give up

Ah, yes...the old, "Did I fall?, riddle." Oh how I've been there. I can't answer that question. I'm sure you know that at the end of the day, only you could. However, I could offer my insights into the whole 90 Day process, which, mind you, I haven't mastered yet.

There's definitely a point at which being too stringent with your personal definition of a fall is counterproductive. That is, if you're constantly too strict with yourself and every little glance or click or whatever means you have to reset the count, you're also going to be resetting your resolve that many times. What does that mean? Well, for me, every time I fall, I feel a sense of abandon, which precipitates a, "Just Screw This!" Attitude. That's the worst feeling you could have as an addict. Ideally, you should be able to fall, recognize your failure, and start up right away. But, like I said, for a lot of us, there's more acting out between the fall and the new start to our clean streaks. And too much stringency with your streak discipline could lead to this.

On the other hand, we are addicts, and experts at rationalizing things. Leniency is fodder for rationalization. The more you permit yourself to do, the more leeway you'll permit yourself. It'll escalate until you're not really doing the 90 Day thing at all.

GYE posts rule for the challenge where they kind of loosely define a slip. But yeah, it's often a fine line. And at the end of the day, the 90 Day is a tool, which involves some level of just arbitrary discipline. Recovey is your goal, not 90 or 180 or 360 days.

never give up wrote:


it's fine; move on!

TC - well written, wise and informative.

The being too hard on yourself and why it can be counterproductive part rings particularly true with me.

We see that cordnoy not only concurred but was quite decisive in his view to be lenient here. you will also notice that he said "move on"
get it - don't chew it over till you want to throw up and lose your momentum

never give up - KUTGW - keep smiling and keep going