skeptical wrote:


You seem skeptical of our musical talent

Gevura Shebyesod

I can play the accupello (however you spell it).
Maybe we can get Zemmy to sing Zemiros.

hwhap@gmx.com

Isn't that why people get angry?

stillgoing wrote:


I think so. I was trying to understand specifically what it was.

So last week (like I posted on another thread) I found myself in front of an unfiltered computer. I posted calling for help b/c I "knew" that I would fall for this new trick. Lots of people gave good ideas but I was either too weak/lazy or deep deep down wanted the computer unfiltered, so I did nothing.

Gibbor120


serenity


thebigX90



Today, I drove past the building when I had no need to. I pulled into the parking lot (while my mind was saying "KEEP DRIVING!!") The building was empty (sunday). Then I told my annoying conscience "do me a favor, go wait outside for me, ok?" It mostly listened. Getting the computer set up was quick. I got a "PM from Hashem" when I found the computer to be password protected. I almost felt like logging on here to ask guys how to get around it.(HA) I managed to figure it out anyway. I've been clean for 40+ days B"H, Almost my longest streak since I was A little kid. My heard was beating faster. A few clicks later and......... Hashem said "Test Over". Like by akaidas Yitzchak,, at the last second, Hashem stopped Avrohom, He stopped me, and took away the nesoyon because the computer already had a filter installed.!! (one of) The only difference is, that Avrohom passed the test, while I feel that I failed it! Like it's quoted above, if the real bechira is before it is staring us in the face, then my bechira was to never have come to this building to begin with. I feel that I failed when I had a choice, and Hashem, in His infinite love saved me when I no longer had a choice. Like a little kid who runs into the street, and his parent grabbes him out before a car comes, the kid should still be punished.
No?

Tests have different levels. Success is not measured by all or nothing. Of course, had you not gone in the first place it would have been better but you had a choice to go somewhere else to find P____ once the "building" idea did not pan out.

Let me ask you wasn't there a time you would have gone to another place?

YOU DID NOT.-should I say it again -YOU DID NOT

you're still a winner. You still have an impressive streak of over 40 days.

Keep smiling and keep truckin' - Keep adding another day to your streak - one day at a time

I look at it this way: a fence may be indispensable, but it cuts both ways in a sense. You designed your new life around filters. You depend on them now. So without a filter you should expect to choose porn. But the reason it's a sound fence is that filters are readily available. Maybe you can take some action so that this cannot easily happen again. You know what's feasible in your case.

I agree with what both hwhap & yiraishamayim said, that a)you did have a slight fall. b) try to find a way where the filters aren't the only level of protection. On the other hand, I don't think you should be too harsh on yourself (I'm talking to myself @ the same time since I find myself many times being too harsh on myself). In addition be thankful that Hashem's there with you & He didn't let you fall. In general the way I try to look at these situations(not just in lust addiction), is, no harm no foul.acknowledge that you came close to a fall(which is normal) see how you can fix it or try to avoid it by building bigger fences & move on. Finally, If I were you I'd almost be thrilled that Hashem didn't let me fall since it shows me that He's still there & He still cares about me.

hwhap

With all do respect, I beg to differ. First of all what do you mean by "designed your new life around filters"? Filters are crucial, but they are not and should not be the only method of stopping. In fact they aren't even a method. They are only the Band-Aid^TM on the wound to get it to stop bleeding so that it can then begin to heal.
#2 is when a person sets up filters, and the filter fails (as they can) I do not believe that one should "expect to choose porn". Expect to have a tug-of-war yes, but hopefully win and not choose p___.
Anyway It is very possible that I have misunderstood you, and you meant that all along.
stillfriends?
stillgoing

Hello.
I absolutely love this post. to see it in context click here
inastruggle


There seems to be a certain mindset that says, Why do I need a filter? If I really wanted to control myself I will.

stillgoing - right on the money!

just my $.02

yiraishamaim


your two $.02 are worth more then a lot of peoples $2 million. (For everyone else, you too, so don't feel bad.)
The name of this thread is called, Free Choice, since that is what the whole struggle is all about. The ability to choose. Sounds so simple to me when I'm discussing it. But somehow when I'm faced with the choice, I say, "ok, free choice to choose the good will wait till next time, not I have free choice to do wrong" I should really post this on Big Shot, because that line that I tell myself is such a stuck-up conceded line. Who says that there will be a next time. At some point the game's over. And when that scary thing happens, and we swear that this is it, I'll never do *** again, (like I said on a bouncing flight years ago). Somehow not long later we're back at it. Wake up's are a nice reset button, but if we let our lives continue the same we will end up right back where we were.
If I may take a page out of Serenity's book (not literally), this is part of a personal story written in the white book (p. 16-17) [Note: The "I" in the story is not me SG] He is talking about how things got so bad in his quest for lust that he just "knew" that he would need to stop. Somehow, it didn't happen....
WB


Wake up calls only help if we don't go back to sleep afterwards...

[quote="stillgoing" post=260471]yiraishamaim


So, should we have a 2:00 call as well?
Howbout 3:00?
4:00 anybody?

Please don't publicize this, for then, Serenity will never be home.

b'hatzlachah

I read that you were talking something from Serenity and then I started reading the quote, and I was mystified, because I didn't remember sharing that here! Then I realized it wasn't me. LOL.