Firstly Thank you very much guys for being with me on this uphill journey.

It was not a fall from the thread at all, there was just a comma missing in my sentence. [Moderator's Note: I edited the earlier post to help prevent such misinterpretation].

Thanks Guys once again Have gr8 week

Thank you so much for all your support.

I had a great shabboss and I am feeling much stronger, which is dangerous!!because

Pidaini and others you are so right about not playing g-d in effect to explain why we have been through such a difficult time, now that I think why I blame it like that is when something is so painful and tough and difficult I want to answer myself why hashem would do this to me.

I GUESS I HAVE TO WORK ON MY EMUNAH!

BECAUSE WHEN I SEE MY WORDS IN WRITING THEY LOOK SO WRONG! BUT IT THE BARE PAINFUL TRUTH

Maybe you have to work on your emunah and maybe your emunah is staunch. We can believe in one thing and do another, no matter how strong out belief is. What about our trust in Hashem. That's a little different isn't it?

Hatzlacha!

Dear wannabe,

Your honesty is truly refreshing. It is indeed painful to realize that we are so far from something which we thought we had instinctively.

But see also the blessing in that realization, because I had gone for years thinking and believing that I was following what the books wrote but since the outcome wasn't as they wrote, I subconsciously doubted them. Being in that state is terrible because I don't know where to go, what to fix.

But now I have direction, I know what the problem is and where I am heading. Now there is hope where there was none before!!

The fact is that we will always have to work on our Emunah. The fact that we are alive is almost a contradiction to Emunah therefore making it a life long process.

Just as a side note, we are not the only ones who play G-D. Just this week, two of my sister-in-laws went through quite painful experiences, their immediate reaction was "this is happening because I am not doing a,b, and c!"

There are different types of playin' God.
I would get very turned off when people, even big people, would say that this episode or tragedy happened because of this and this. How da hell did they know? Now, if they would have ruach hakodesh or if they would be a navi, I would understand.
However, God does send us messages, and we must be adept at pickin' them up.
what we cannot afford to do is to get down and depressed because of it, for that is not what God wants.
So, you see, a message from God is a message to do better, but bein' down does not allow that, so that cannot be part of the message.

b'hatzlachah

Hi Dear brothers on the gye forum.

I haven't been posting because I haven't felt I had what to write.

B'H I am 7 days clean (besides for a non jewish colleague showing me a picture on his phone)

I am writing today because I feel after 7 days I am starting to lose that initial feeling of empowerment that nothing going to knock me down! and I am nervous that I going to get nonchalant and fall!

What can I do to make a concrete sign to remind me who I am and that if i slip I am playing into the hands of my addiction.

I have read the forums over this past 7 days and taken on board your valuable comments I have also listened to some of the big book phone conferences and the one thing which I have picked up is that I am not in control God is my job is to stay clean each day and not fall for my addiction.

Are my on the right path?

Thanks guys and have an awesome day

I am now 19 days along towards the 90 days! and it has started to get much more difficult I have not fallen but I just feel too comfortable like I could fall anytime.

I have been working very hard on advice from other threads mainly on not lusting over my wife it has been VERY difficult and I have not been successful the entire time but its good feeling of self control.

Is it imperative if I want to kick this addiction to read the big book? or can it be done my working on myself reading gye understanding that I have an addiction being careful what i look at ect?

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:


trial and error

I can relate to the struggle. Remember that we only have today. We don't even know what tomorrow will bring, or if it will even come for that matter. What can we do to make today better?!

Hatzlacha!

Hi Guys,

I have managed 49 days of being basically sober the longest stretch I have ever done.

But I have lost the spark and I can tell because when i came into work this morning I started watching music videos I know its not porn but for me it as bad!!!

How can I keep the spark alive I really don't want to fall!

I listened to a few phone conferences but I am way to embarrassed to get involved what can I do im very private by nature scared someone will find out my dirty secret.

Any advice please help

Hi Wannabe!

I see we started around the same time. It's nice to be on the ladder with someone like yourself.

I read through the thread and my one comment is that you once wrote that you haven't posted because you had nothing to say.

I think that it's important to post frequently.
Posting helps you remember that you are part of a "club" of special people and this club is out there rooting for your success.
Being part of this incredible club is what helps keep me fresh and excited about my journey. If you look at some of the people posting, they have been clean for years and yet they still come back and post. I'm sure some of the reason is because they want to help others (really special people!) but also because it keeps them sharp and focused. We can never let our guard down and complacency leads to falling back into old habits.

Hatzlacha on your journey and I hope to see you at the top!

Nice to see guys supporting each other, thanks!

Dear IWBH,

I just read through your entire thread, and was very moved. "So much pain" very much describes the periods of my life when I was falling in this area. In fact, the pain we experience when falling is a tremendous gift from Hashem - otherwise, we would have little motivation to change.

Chazak v'Ematz - one day at a time!

Kedusha

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:


Hi IWANNA,
I also wanna and I also am embarrassed but noone will ever recognize you on the calls and they will help you. I recommend you make some private friends through this site. I have a list of people that I call. I try to make a call one time each day. I only got any relief by cutting out all internet use that was for entertainment. No news, no videos no nothing. I use the internet freely for purpose such as business, purchasing online, and researching online.
This made a massive difference.
I also call someone every day which has a massive positive impact.
Before I speak with anyone, we ask each other some questions in a private email like where are you from?, age? etc. to make sure we do not know each other.
You can send me an email anytime to pischoshelmachat@gmail.com.
You are young and have a whole wonderful life ahead of you. It will be so much more enjoyable if you get this life killer under control.
I feel for you and know exactly how you feel.

It is embarrassing, it's true. But if you find the resolve to do it after you hang up the phone you will have a tremendous wind behind your back. Attacking your shame and watching it wash over you and crash is an awesome experience.