I need help in remaining clean. I can stay clean for months with out having any serious lust and then boom- I get a major lust attack and I'm stuck in the mud again. When I was clean during those months I thought I was cured Was I fooling myself?

That's great that you can go for months. We all have temptations and we all make mistakes and do aveiros. The imprtsnt thing is that we do teshuvah and return back to Hashem isn't it? What did you want to be cured of, your yetzer hara?

Welcome Sam!!!

I was also clean for very long streaks in the past and would still fall after that. What I learned here on gye is that we are not really clean from lusting rather just from acting out on it.

So we need to learn and work to avoid the lusting in general and not to be whiteknuckling or dry drunk.

Hatzlachah and stay in touch.

I had periods of sobriety as well, but it would always come back, and kept getting worse. Don't worry about if you are fooling yourself. Do something about it. Don't worry about the past. Have you read the handbook?

Welcome Sam Ash to GYE!

I've also had clean streaks, not as long as yours, but the thoughts were the same, that I was over with it.....and then proven wrong.

gibbor's words are always on target, but based on my experience, I am guessing that you meant a little more than what you wrote, and you want to know if you are fooling yourself, in the present. When I was in that stage it wasn't just that I thought that the good times were really good, which I later found out wasn't necessarily true, as dd, wrote, I thought that the bad times weren't that bad either, it wasn't really a problem.

Let's face the facts, it bothers us, and that's what is the game changer, period.

Now that we established that, we just have to start exploring what to do about it, and you have made a very good start!!

So KeepOnPosting!!! and certainly KOMT!!!

what does whiteknuckling mean?

Sam Ash wrote:


In short lusting but not acting out.

If I'm wrong maybe someone could do a better job explaining it.

dd wrote:


Wow!, It's been a long time since I wrote about this (or anything for that matter).

In the 12 step program the main idea is what is called "surrender". Surrender doesn't mean giving up, rather letting go. (There is a thread dedicated to that over here). Letting go of our expectations, letting go of our need to actually get something that we feel we need.

Whiteknuckling is when I hold on to all my previous notions (that the expectations are valid and that my needs are true needs) and still try to hold myself back from pursuing them.

Does that make sense?

There we go.

Thanks Yankel for explaining that so clearly.

Thanks Yankel, glad your back here. If I may add by way way if further explanation, we act out as a solution to our problems. When we stop acting out, but don't have a different solution to our problems we are white knuckling. We grab onto sobriety with all our might until the blood drains from our knuckles. So we can be just as miserable as before, if not worse, just not acting out. People wonder why, if acting out is the cause of their problems, then why aren't they happy now that they are clean for a time. The answer is that acting out wasn't their problem, it was the solution to their problems.

I don't understand... are u not a human male?? Do u expect to go the rest of your life without having urges for women??? You were clean for months, is that not some proof that u have control over your sexual FANTASIES AND DESIRES? Ppl mess up, fact of life, deal with it. The prob becomes when these small falls lead to binges and vicious cycles of entrenchment, but words like "cured" or "lust" are ridiculous... god forbid you should b cured of your desire, it is what makes us man. Don't beat yourself up, obviously figure out a way to control yourself either with filters or wtvr. Its NEVER good to watch porn. ever. but to take this fall as a sign that you're ill in some way is Precisely the unhealthy and dangerous thinking you should avoid. Period.
Hope this comes as a fresh view to you, bad thinking is sometimes just as detrimental as bad behaviors, I speak from. Experience.

I agree with everything said here. Keep positive and don't feel down; that'll kill you.

Sam Ash wrote:


Look at the numbers in my signature.

I don't know about you, but I wasn't and not cured.

b'hatzlachah

Pidaini wrote:


there was a lot of "surrender" talk in the past.
perhaps even now.
I always thought it was kinda vague, but whatever works.

I have found that the main idea in the 12 steps is "self."
We need to stop worryin' and concernin' ourselves with how I feel, but rather, what about God? how does my wife feel? What about my friends, family and co-workers?

b'hatzlachah

mr.clean wrote:


your experience does not necessarily translate into the facts on the ground, or what other people should be thinkin'. I have experience as well, and i found that I disagree with many things that you wrote in this post.

b'hatzlachah