cordnoy wrote:


That really resonates with me. I need to learn how to live life according to God's plan, not mine. Trying to constantly be in control, is highly stressful and counterproductive.

Glad to hear the 12 steps address these issues.

I know rabbi twerski says the only thing that works to recover from an addiction, - and I believe I'm addicted - is the 12 steps. My question is at what point do I join. Should I wait and see if I can do this on my own. If I can stay clean in my mind, IE no lusting or fantasies, and obviously no acting out, do I still need to program? Or will it be easier for me if I join a group and do it the right way?

I'm asking because I don't have the courage to join a 12 step group, not by phone and definitely not meetings in person as of yet, but if that's what I need to do in order to recover, then that's what I'll be doing...

Hope

Wow what a first post! It gave me tremendous chizuk. Please keep posting and let us know what works for you... It will be a great help to all of us. I also only recently discovered GYE and it's changing my life one day at a time... The forty day mark is now in view! I've never done that before. Thanx for sharing and may you just continue with hatzlocha on your incredible journey!

Hopeful2 wrote:


I can't answer that for you.
You can continue doin' what you're doin' and see where it takes you (that's what i did in the beginnin' until i fell again (after 115 days), and then again (after 133 days)). You can also read the literature and see if it speaks to you.

b'hatzlachah

I guess it's all about trial and error and never to give up! Thanks so much!!

my pleasure.

b'hatzlachah

Keepclimbing5 wrote:


Thanks for the chizuk! GYE really is amazing I just reached 50 days!! something I never had either. And it isn't so much about the quantity - IE the amount of days - it's the quality of it. My shmiras einiyom has never been so good and my mind isn't filled with nearly the same amount of garbage and shmutz it used to have, in the last 50 days since I found GYE!

I've never thought it was still possible for me!

Hope

Great thread!
Welcome hopeful! Thanks for sharing, I was me hazel by what you wrote, as I'm sure many others were too.
I can only speak personally, I too used to wonder what it would be like to conquer this. Would the lust go away? How would I view woman, and so on. Well, I cant say I'm there on the other side to tell you what it looks like. But I can say that I have learned not to care. i can't worry about what will be, when my life now is not manageable. Maybe when I get things under control a lil more il start to think of what will be maybe not. Il let you know when I get there. I CAN tell you though from personal experience, that on the days where I wake up and really tell myself that today I'm not fighting, I can't, I'm sick and tired of fighting. Whatever happens happens. And I tell Hashem that I can't fight this I'm tappin out, whatever you give me today il take. I'm in your hands. Those days are not a fight at all. I don't meet lust any more that your average guy walkin on the street, and those guys can look away and keep walkin. However on the days where I feel I can fight this....let me tell you it's fight.
So if sobriety is every day like those days of really letting Hashem take charge then...........well that's somthin I'm looking forward to.

WELCOME! Thanks for a refreshingly honest post. We are all in the same boat and can relate.

TriggerMeNot88 wrote:


I guess that's the step of just giving it over to Hashem. It's a great concept and I can understand why its such an integral part of recovery, however, I'm trying to figure out how to apply it in practical terms.

Hope

Thanks gibbor120 for the welcome! Its a delight to ride the sea with you:)

Just to add: 1. what has been explained to me (by Dov I think) is that therapy helps more with some of the later steps. I don't recall which ones, but definitely after step 4. Some of the early steps, I believe contradict what therapists are taught. My therapist has said about certain principles OF SA, "that flies in the face of everything I have been taught". She has less of a problem with AA btw than SA. They are taught a person needs sex for example, and SA teaches very strongly that we (addicts) have come to accept that sex is optional. What I tell her is that she has to understand that lust addicts have taken themselves out of the norms, as we find in the SA White Book, "The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction."

That doesn't mean therapy doesn't have its place. I go and I benefit from it.

2.: As far as lust in our lives, it will always be there, but it doesn't have to determine how we live our lives. Lust doesn't have to direct our actions. We aim for progressive victory over lust and I believe that eventually it becomes greatly quieted for many in recovery, but it's like a sleeping bear, if you stir it, it will again awaken.

Hatzlach!

Hi all!

It's been day 52 today Baruch Hashem!! What an accomplishment! Hoping and praying for continued success iyh!

Other then the 12 steps (& therapy), are there any other treatments/programs that are effective any attaining sobriety? Or is the consensus here on GYE that the 12 steps is the only way out?

Hope

In the past 52 days of tremendous growth, I've found that I was able to read all the fantastic material on this site and on the forums and apply it in real time and they worked wonders bh! However this last week since Yom Tov, my life has been extremely stressful and I find that I can't be mechazik myself when I walk in the streets and I'm finding myself looking where I shouldn't. And I know from there it's downhill pretty quickly and I'm trying to avoid that at all costs, obviously.

In the beginning I was so strong with myself I didn't look anywhere -it was like poison to me - and I was doing amazing, but now I'm really stressed out - lots going on - and I'm having a hard time!

The stress is not allowing me to fight the battle of lust.

Hope

"גם זה יעבר" as we say "this too shall pass". Hold strong my friend. It WILL pass, it WILL get better.
As a suggestion; If you have time, look up P.A.W.S. (Post acute withdrawal symptoms) Regarding addicts. This may be what's goin on with you, maybe not.
Plus there's a Sefer called והער עינינו English version called "enlighten our eyes" good chizuk on shmiras einayim.

Where your holding now, you've backed the Lust into a corner. Its gonna come at you with all its got! Stress, self beratement, its gonna tell you everything you don't wanna hear about yourself. It will bring up past falls, feelings of inadequacy, anything it can to test your strength. And you can pass, because if you could not pass, you wouldn't be going through all this.
Don't listen to your lust keep your focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep in mind that were all rootin for ya, so don't give in now!
חזק!

Thanks so much triggermenot!

Great chizuk! And a great point regarding that we backed lust into the corner and it ain't happy about it! I'm afraid what else he's got in store for me....

In regards to P.A.W.S I don't think that's the case here, just plain good old stress!

And like you said גם זה יעבור

Hope