Thanks everybody for the chizuk. I do feel like I'm moving on the right direction by being involved here even though I have fell since. admiting that what I have is an addiction has helped me not feel terrible about myself and my life while giving me hope that this thing can be cured because its an outer force and not who I thought I was. I hope, really hope that this journey not only helps cure me but helps me be the person I want to be who is ambitious, active, religious, inspired and inspiring to others. That is the me I want to become and the me that is still far away. I am going go try out the double taphsic meathod for a week and hopefully afterwards start my 90 day journey

Hey there again, been a while since my last post, I haven't been as acfive here as I would like though I'm going to change that. Now I'm sure many if not all are familiar with this down In the dumps feeling, ive had a lot lately. I simply cant stop myself. I wasted hours a day, even when I'm exhausted or have work to do, on shtuyot. After everytime I feel sure I wont do it again because how horrible o feel but the next day its like it never happened. I hate this, this feeling, these actions, I'm done with it, I simply cant take this. Anyways, i haven't been doing anythInc different, I keep putting that off but I think I'm gonna try the taphsic method. Ok, any other suggestions or ideas??

welcome back

do a search on this site for what dov calls the "nuclear reset button."

don't be a stranger.

b'hatzlachah

Taphsic is like hamburger helper. Hamburger Helper can help the hamburger, but it is not a hamburger. Taphsic can "help" recovery, but it is NOT recovery.

Trueme 613 - So where do you want to go from here? What are your goals?

My ultimate goal is to stop completely and be able to reach my potential in all areas of lif, though my immediate goal is to be able to go a certain amount of time and be able to control myself and stay sober, to stay strong a few times and not give in to show that I can, and to work up from there.

I may not be as experienced as some people on GYE, but I can still offer support. No matter how bad it may seem, there is hope. You should cling to that hope the same way a drowning man holds on to the piece of debris he found floating in the ocean. Hang on Trueme. You can do it!!! Hatzlacha

Sincerely, Drew

A few questions to ponder:

Do you treasure each moment clean?
or
Does it only matter if it will be never again?

Do you take it one day at a time?
or
Do you decide now for the rest of time?

Is each amount of potential its own diamond which is stored forever in the storehouse of the King of All Kings?
or
Does all the previous work fall away after a fall?

I could have written this to myself, I have the exact same struggles.

Written with love, from your fellow yid and GYEmember:)

So just as an update, I have been doing well the past week, largly because my schedule recentl. I'm still nervous about what will happen in my free time but I'm happy with now and feel stronger than before I started here. Here's to another day

Hey TrueMe,

I'm sorry I'm late to this thread; I had a bit of hiatus myself (okay, okay...I was off the derech!). Your first introductory post was really inspiring. Not many people are able to open like that right away. I'm very impressed. I also relate to it 100%. I acted out in similar ways shortly after I got married, and it really felt like drek, I know. I also know just how horrible it feels to flush away hours upon hours (okay, days, months, years) of your life on this shmutz. I'm constantly lamenting wasted opportunities, and have really seen setbacks in my career because of this addiction.

My advice is to not let yourself wallow in that middle-ground between taking the necessary first steps forward (i.e., joining the site and admitting to yourself and all the members here that you have a problem) and diving, wholeheartedly, into a well-structured, well-defined recovery program. As other members have said, recovery isn't the Taphsic method (Gibbor's post sums that up). Recovery necessarily involves a 12-steps program or coaching or some of the other options available through this site and elsewhere. The site outlines that pretty well. But if you're fairly sure that you're an addict -- I know I am -- then you need to do those extra steps (in other words, work, hard work).

I wasted time kind of hanging around this middle-ground area as well. I'm just now starting the twelve steps. The 90-chart was a good motivator, and some of the other more passive tools definitely made a difference. But I'm not sober, far from it. Have you read any books on the matter?

I really Appreciate the feedback. I think you got the problem exactly.I need to take the next step to get better, I mean I have been better but its really been an up and down ride since I started. Is there a way I can be involved in the 12 steps without joining a group? I should add that I haven't told my wife about any of this, nor do I plan on it

trueme613 wrote:


Wow, just when I thought we couldn't be more similar... Haha. What applies to me in this quote? All of the above! Haha. And I'm sure there are many like us here.

The conventional wisdom is that face-to-face groups are the strongest medicine, but they're not the only way to do 12 steps. There are phone groups where you could stay, basically, anonymous, and of course, you could just pick up some literature and start working the steps yourself. All of this is a step in the right direction. (I'm trying the phone groups.)

I found that reading about the addiction really helps me focus. One of my biggest problem areas is complacency: I'd get bored, even, with the recovery process, the momentum would falter, and then I'd fall. That just means whatever work I managed to do was ineffectual, or put better, incomplete. It was something, but not enough.

So the sooner you take the extra steps -- like just educating yourself with reading material -- the sooner the process could kick into high(er) gear!

On a side note, I'm looking for a sponser and or partner, I have a bunch of pending requests but nobodies got back to me, anyone interested??

I'm not sure the partner/sponsor system works so well. You are probably better off hanging around the forum and finding someone that way.

Maybe Talmid Chacham and Trueme613 do the steps together.

anyway here is a good place to help you through the steps

www.dropbox.com/sh/a6tngb17x023a3m/AACjRMouhxj5rbW15XPuuJUXa?dl=0